Not Another Teen Movie
- Directed by Joel Gallen. Written by Mike Bender, Adam Jay Epstein, Andrew Jacobson, Phil Beauman, and Buddy Johnson.
- No man, maybe I'll hang around. Maybe tell Janey a little S-E-C-R-A-T...P.
- Looks like little Miss "run-home-to-my-daddy" ran home to her daddy.
- Sure, why not? I am the token black guy. I'm just supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say things like: "Damn," "Shit," and "That is whack."
- Damn, that shit is whack.
- I'm only in this song because I'm a black guy!
- Good night, Pumpkin Tits.
- Come on outta there honey.. Quit fartin' around.
- You put the "ass" in "ebbarrasment" You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".
- Cheerleader: You better bring it.
- Priscilla: Oh, it's already been brought-en.
Priscillas cheerleading squad: Ready ok! we black we know it we shake our big booties and show it we aint white we aint we definately aint white break it down niggahs... ghetto booty musics plays as cheerleaders try to booty dance.
- Albino Hippie: I have no pigment, I need sunscreen, Nooooo way i can be prom queen.
- Amanda: Do you think I sleep with every pathetic guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.
- Cheerleaders: We are the North Compton Wildcats / We're black, we know it / We shake our big booties and we show it / We ain't white / We ain't white / We definitely ain't white. Break it down, niggas!
- Sports Announcer: Damn, those bitches represent!
- English Teacher: (after a student "farts" to say what he thinks about poetry, while several boys are looking into the girls' bathroom upstairs) Oh, is that amusing? Is that what your generation considers...humor? Shakespeare, Moliere, Oscar Wilde--these were humorists! The sublime poetic genius of a clever turn of phrase...that is true comedy! Your modern, moronic, feeble-minded, sophomoric excuse for wit...is merely a parade of nasty...filthy...vulgar...HUMAN EXCREMENT!!! (after several intermittent scenes of the girl defecating in the bathroom and the boys watching, they both fall through the ceiling, and the mess fits the teacher's description)
- Catherine: I want you.
- Jake: But, you're my sister.
- Catherine: Only by blood.
- Jake: [shoves Catherine off] What is wrong with this family?!
- Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh…I might be late to pick you guys up.
- Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
- Mr. Briggs: No, honey, I'll probably just be wa-a-a-ay too drunk.
- Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
- Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
- Janey: Okay, bye, daddy.
- Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.
- Priscilla: I need some t-to-the-four-power-y.
- Jake: What?
- Priscilla: Some time to talk to you.
- Janey: I have this dream of one day...just...hopping on a plane and going to Paris. There's an art school there...but I can't afford it. Unless there's some way of raising $26,000 before the admissions cutoff.
- Jake: Oh my God, Janey, do you realize that my parents give a scholarship to a girl who can't get into art school every year?
- Janey: [turns around, expectantly] Really? That's amazing!
- Jake: Yeah! This year we gave it to Lupe Rodgriguez, the Mexican fingerpainter. I think you'd really like her work.
- They served you Breakfast. They gave you Pie. Now we're gonna stuff your face.
- Chris Evans — Jake Wyler
- Chyler Leigh — Janey Briggs
- Eric Christian Olsen — Austin
- Eric Jungmann — Ricky Lippman
- Deon Richmond — Malik
- Jaime Pressly — Priscilla
- Mia Kirshner — Catherine Wyler
- Ron Lester — Reggie Ray