Perfect Strangers

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Make the mistakes of yesterday your lessons for today.
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Perfect Strangers (1986-93) is a US comedy television show.

Balki Bartokomous

  • Balki: Patience is a virgin.
  • Balki: Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!
  • Balki: "America! Land of my dreams, home of the Whopper!" (from the debut episode)
  • [Unknown to Sam, Balki has been hypnotised and thinks he is Elvis Presley]
    Sam Gorphley: If you don't start acting like yourself by the time I count to three, you are out of a job! One...
    Balki: For the money!
    Sam: Two...
    Balki: For the show! — "The King and I", Season Four
  • Larry: ...We have the element of surprise.
    Balki: You're right there, cousin: even we don't know what we're doing.
  • Balki: Lier, lier, pants for hire.
  • Balki: "Oh, give me a line of credit!"

Larry Appleton

  • Larry: I'm in debt. I am a true American.
  • Larry: Oh, my Lord!
  • Larry: I have...a plan.
  • Larry: Watch...and learn.
  • Larry: Say, Chuck, do you have a blueprint for your brain? I'm building an idiot.
    Balki: [confused] Cousin, you didn't tell me you were building an idiot.
    Larry: It was going to be a surprise. — "The Karate Kids", Season Three
  • [Larry is hanging by the neck of his jacket.]
    Larry: Alright, Balki, now help me down.
    Balki: [excited] Cousin, do it for me, please?
    Larry: [wearily] No, no...
    Balki: Oh, please! Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way to the Emerald City?
    Larry: 'Some people go that way, and some people go that way...'
    Balki/Larry: '...But, of course, people do go both ways!' — "That Old Gang of Mine", Season Three
  • Balki: Where are the instructions?
    Larry: I threw them out.
    Balki: You threw them out?
    Larry: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.
    Balki: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
    Larry: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring. — "Pipe Dreams", Season Three
  • Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
    Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip. — "The Break In", Season Three

Mary-Anne Spencer

  • Mary-Anne Spencer: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things. Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on.
  • [Larry has asked the gang to help bake 2,000 Bibbi-Bobka's to be sold to a restaurant]
    Jennifer Lyons: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?
    Mary-Anne: [instantly] One-hundred and sixty-six and two-thirds dozen. [off their looks] My father was a carpenter.