Police Academy

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Police Academy was a series of movies about a screwball police squad.

Carey Mahoney

  • Thank you sir. I make everybody sick.
  • I'm on a diet.
  • It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight
  • Never fool with a fuzz ball.
  • Did anyone tell you what a great tailor you have, Sir?
  • It fits. The damned thing fits, and I thought there were no more spaces. Am I an idiot or what?

Captain Harris

  • Citizens On Patrol. What a joke. You know what C.O.P. really stands for, Proctor?
  • Hey! Why didn't you guys call me this weekend?
  • Move out, maggots!
  • Not funny, you idiot!
  • This is not a spawning pool!
  • Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
  • Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!
  • What in the hell are you doing!?!
  • It was your government that brought us here!
  • You'll never get away with this, you two-bit scum!
  • Please don't let me! I'm so young, I'm so young! Please, God! Oh, I'll help the homeless, I'll feed the poor! I'll be so good! I mean it! I really, really mean it!

Eugene Tackleberry

  • Excuse me sir, this is a non-smoking area. I'm gonna' have to ask you to distinguish that cigar.
  • Drop that stereo before I blow your goddamn nuts off, asshole.
  • You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun until it's a living, breathing, vibrating extension of yourself.
  • Come with me!
  • You'll put it out now mister!!

Mauser

  • Hey, wait a minute! My hands are stuck with my head! What the fuck?
  • Yo, sir... You must be from the south! That's "Yes, sir." You got foot patrol.
  • Mauser, sir. M as in man A-U, S as in Sam.

Moses Hightower

  • Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.
  • Yo, sir!
  • Yamma, yamma, yamma, yamma, yahhhhma.
  • FOOLS! To think they can kill the brother, of Badula!
  • If I could rip out the belly of a yak.
  • And that will bring him back?
  • NO Mon, I'm hungry!
  • We believe you guys, so we wont dispute you. But if you're lying to us, we'll come back and shoot you. Word.
  • Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line!

Zed

  • Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart.
  • I...I, use to be a real JERK! But now I'm a people guy.
  • Cadets, I'd now like to discuss something that'll be vital for you to know when you, like, out there, on the job, as a police officer. And, that's the correct way on how to eat a doughnut.
  • HE'S DEAD! He killed him! He killed Mickey!
  • DON'T MAKE ME FLARE MY NOSTRILS!

Laverne Hooks

  • Asshole!!!
  • Oops, I've got the wrong keys. I'll be right back.
  • What about me, sir? Don't I get a car?
  • Don't move dirt bag!

Larvell Jones

  • Good evening, gentlemen. I just came by to see that you were comfortable. Now, as we vampires say, "lights out, suckers!"
  • Where are we, man?
  • Must be the drugs