Questionable Content

From Quotes
A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth, with the fire dead, the laughter stilled and the light extinguished.
Frank Tebbets
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Questionable Content is a "comedic" slice-of-life webcomic written and drawn by Jeph Jacques.

1-100

11-20

Strip 12, "In The Interest Of Faye's Safety"
Faye: I am bored and ravenous. Come have dinner with me.


Strip 20, "Not As Good As Pie"
Pintsize: I would be DELICIOUS.

30-50

Strip 36, "A Lesser Man Indeed"
Marten: A lesser man, a man weaker than I, might interject with a lewd or suggestive comment at this juncture.
Faye: I am glad that such a foolish man is not around, for i would surely defenestrate him with great rapidity.
Strip 45, "Pity: He Asked For It"
Marten: The only way to deal with computer salespeople is with an overwhelming preemptive strike.


51-100

Strip 58, "Not Again"
Pintsize: It was SO worth the massive motherboard damage.


Strip 68, "A Night At The Improv"
Optometrist: Sir, if this is really your prescription, how on earth did you find your way here without your glasses on?
Marten: Magical vision fairies guided me. Now just hand over the damn glasses!
Strip 70, "There Can Only Be One"
Pintsize: My first commandment is: "Thou shalt not beget electromagnetism in the prescence of your Lord".
Strip 73, "Clear The Room"
Faye: Oh man, I should not have ordered a burrito. I am going to have killer death gas tonight.
Marten: Heh, you girls have it easy
Faye: Oh? And why is that?
Marten: When a girl farts it is funny and endearing. When a dude farts, it's just gross.
Faye: That is because girls' farts smell like roses and fresh-baked cookies.
Marten: Not judging by how my bathroom smells after you've been in there for fifteen minutes.
Faye: Maybe we should not be having this conversation in a crowded diner.
Marten: Quick, placate the other patrons with your rosy cookie gasses!


Strip 79, "I Want Those Posters Dammit"
Marten: Congratulations, that is the single most frustratingly open-to-interpretation statement I have ever heard someone utter.
Faye: I have attained girlvana!

101-200

121-130

Strip 126, "Indie Physics 101"
Marten: Note to self: having a discussion about theoretical indie-rock physics with an attractive girl is probably the hottest thing ever.

201-300

221-230

Strip 227, "Scheming"
Marten: I really wish I was an emo kid right now. All this drama would make for an awesome LiveJournal.

401-500

421-430

Strip 423, "Mneep Mneep"
Faye: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, unless you build an orbital velocity cannon and fire it into space.

Strip 424, "Her Favorite Sound"
Faye: I shop like Puritans have sex - in and out in three minutes, and only for the procreation of children.

431-440

Strip 434, "Ice Ice Baby"
Miss Reed: I just have lots and lots of casual sex! It's all the fun of dating without any of the fuss.

441-450

Strip 443, "Love Indiemerican Style"
Marten: Funny, I thought you advocated the murder of your patrons.
Dora: Well yeah, but not before they pay.

451-460

Strip 453, "She's Seriously Kinda Crazy"
Raven: You know, I never really got that phrase. All life isn't suffering. Sometimes there are parties and makeouts! And marijuana!

471-480

Strip 478, "I Get Knocked Down"
Faye: The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

501-740

511-520

Strip 511, "Hell Hath No Fury"
Dora: THE WORLD HAS PLENTY OF CUTE, SKINNY HOMOSEXUAL MEN AS IT IS! WE DON'T NEED HIM TO JOIN THEM!


700-740

Strip 723, "I Hate Snakes"
Hannelore: Oh Doctor Jones...Let me be the warm, yielding Kentucky to your rigid, manly Indiana....mmmmf...zzzz
Dora: Okay, that diffused the situation better than anything I possibly could have said. Maybe there is a God.
Faye: There is no God. There is only Harrison Ford and his chiseled jawline.
Hannelore: Zzz...Oh Indy, you can raid my ark anytime...zzz.
746, "Yet Again"
Marten: Metal foot! Metal foot … To… mantenna array! Pain level.. Shatnerian .. in intensity!
Strip 728, "Bad News"
Tai: Man, you're so lucky to be outta college. I bet YOU don't have to deal with stupid girl-drama all the time.
Marten: *twitch*
Marten: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Tai: Oh come on, it's bad enough knowing my liberal arts is gonna be useless. Don't crush ALL my hopes.


Strip 729, "Biology Department"
Faye: Get used to it. Working at Coffee of Doom means subjecting yourself to a neverending parade of inventive nicknamery
Dora: Not to mention tomfoolery and smartassery


Penelope: Ewww, when was the last time you did any dishwashery? This carafe is disgusting!
Faye: It's an ongoing experiment.
Penelope: What, to see if mold can become a sentient being?
Dora: I'm pretty sure i heard it hitting on Raven yesterday, so it's about halfway there.


Strip 730, "Creeped Out Again"
Hannelore: Don't you try and out-creepy me, little man. My first words when I was a toddler were "thousand-yard stare".
Pintsize: I clipped your toenails while you slept. So I could make them part of my COLLECTION.
Hannelore: EeeennnnnnggghhhOKAY, you win this round. But I'll get you next time Gadget. Next time!


Strip 732, "Bad Color Scheme"
Faye: Oh Man, B for Bitchdetta
Marten: We gotta put a stop to this girl. I do NOT want to be responsible for givin' Steve spongebaths and takin' him to rehab.


Strip 734, "Banter Practice"'
Faye: Want me to make a lunch run?
Dora: Burrito! Possibly even a burro. I'm starvin'.
Faye: I shall name him Paco. He will graze on our shrubbery and haul heavy goods from out back for us.


Dora: I wonder if schizophrenics hear voices in Heaven.
Faye: Yeah, only it's local instead of long-distance. Much cheaper rates.
Dora: Ironically, Hell gets WAY better cell-phone reception AND has free WiFi.
Faye: Clearly that's by design. Cell phones and the Internet are both the work of the Devil.
Dora: The Devil doesn't even torture the souls of the damned anymore, he just sits around watching funny YouTube videos all day.
Penelope: I...I think this is my cue to say something witty about YouTube, but i'm drawing a blank.
Faye: It's okay, hon. Everyone chokes on their first try.
Dora: Oh come on, Faye. That is the most obvious oral-sex-joke lead-in ever. Why not put the ball on the tee FOR her?

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