Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando
To love one person with a private love is poor and miserable: to love all is glorious.Thomas Traherne
- Interviewer: Welcome back to "Behind the Hero", tonight's heroes are the duo who recently restored peace and order to our galaxy: Ratchet & Clank. So gentlemen, tell us about your latest incredible adventures.
Ratchet: Well as you can image, we've been pretty busy: After Drek's defeat there were parades, press conferences, fancy dress balls...
Clank: ...and the wiener roast at Al's.
Ratchet: Oh yeah that. And then, things started to slow down a bit. After that we... well...
Clank: There was the grand opening at "Groovy Lube".
Ratchet: Right. I think that was, last week.
Clank: Six months ago.
Ratchet: We're still pretty busy, but in a more, uh, domestic sense.
Clank: Yesterday, I flushed out my radiator core.
Ratchet: I guess... no one needs a hero right now.
- Thug Leader: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ratchet: What's so funny?
Thug Leader: Nothing, I guess...PREPARE TO DIE!
- Thug Leader: [While battling Ratchet in Megapolis] This is going to hurt you a LOT more than it's going to hurt me.
- Thief: [Dramatically] Leave this galaxy, or THIS will happen to you! [hits button, nothing happens] [Less Confidently] Or this will happen to you? [hits other button, short-circuits Clank]
- Ratchet: Clank don't... uh... move, I'm coming down! [Theif comes from behind and pushes him]
Ratchet: Son of a Qwark!
- [Angela ducks down to not be seen by Thug Leader but sneezes]
Thug Leader: Who's there?
Thug Leader: Awww...
- [Thug Leader talks on phone]
Thug Leader: Thugs-4-less, how may we help you?... Hey what kind of scum do you think we are?... Ooh that is a lot of bolts!
- Thug Leader: This message is for all Thugs-4-Less personel we've had a little change in plan. We have been hired to protect the C.E.O of Megacorp [holds up vid-screen with picture of Mr. Fizzwidget] who's a little cookoo in his old age and I want you to keep an eye out for these two [picture changes to Ratchet and Clank] I'm giving a free Pizza party for the guys that bag 'em. And remember that includes drinks and dessert!
- Ratchet: [to little robots, with appropriate mime] Have you seen any masked weirdoes?
- Gadgetron Matron: [breaks wind] Whoops! Sounds like I just blew another vacuum tube!
Ratchet: Should I take a look?
Gadgetron Matron: My word! You young people are so fresh these days!
- Thugs-4-Less Boss: Megacorp is up to no good. I will confront them at once and demand... a bigger cut of the action.
- Clank: [waking up from his electricity-induced coma] The final digit of pi is...
- The Unknown Thief: I see it's time to update my security forces.
Ratchet: Woa-hoho, no, hey, no, no, look, I'm just here to fix the... trans... flux-er-coil.
The Thief: Nice try. Give my regards to Megacorp.
- Announcer: Ask yourself, are you man enough, hero enough, insane enough to step into the ring with two of the fiercest warriors in the galaxy? If you answered 'yes', you're a big, fat liar.
- Voice-over: Dr James D. Fullbladder reporting on Megacorp experiment number 13. This update is strictly classified, if you are watching this, you're fired.
- Galactic Greetings Voice: Hello.
Angela: Ratchet and Clank.
Galactic Greetings Voice: You lucky devil!
Angela: Angela Cross
Galactic Greetings Voice: Has just sent you: a galactic greeting!
Angela: Guys! If you get this message, please meet me on my home world. Just so you know, I've found my old ID badge. I'm pretty sure we can still use it to infiltrate Megacorp HQ, but you're gonna have to hurry. Before the Protopets COMPLETELY OVERRUN US! Oh, and sorry for the ballon-a-gram, it was the only thing I could get of this b...
[is cut off]
Galactic Greetings Voice: We hope you enjoyed your galactic greeting!
- [Angela just shows Ratchet a vid-screen about the Megacorp factory]
Angela: And this will get you in [hands Clank a card]
Clank: A 20% discount at Groovy Lube?
Angela: Ooooops! Wrong one.
- [Protopet Comercial]
Anouncer: Why is Billy Sad?
Anouncer: Is he cold? Hungry? Or Maybe just...
[The Protopet comes closer to Billy]
Billy: No-no-no take it away! Take it away!
Anouncer: ...lonely! Intoducing the Megacorp Protopet. Wanna play ball?
[Billy throws the ball at the Protopet, only to have it thrown back at him with twice the force]
Anouncer: So does the Protopet. Need a partner for tag?
[Protopet starts to chase Billy who is screaming in fear]
Anouncer: Go find the Protopet. Up for some Cops n' Robbers?
[Protopet pins down Billy]
Billy: HELP POLICE!!
Anouncer: So does you know who. Go to Planet Boldan to get your -FREE- Protopet from Ambercrombie Fizzwidget himself
Ratchet: That thing is going to be a PET?
Clank: Megacorp intends to market a killer! [Seems sad] That is simply... [Suddenly looks angry] unconsionable!
- Ratchet: Did you see that?
Clank: Yes Angela figured out the answer to stopping the Protopet.
Clank: She does a terrible cat impression?
Ratchet: and we have to rescue her from the thugs!
Clank: Yes, we must get that answer!
Ratchet: AND WE HAVE TO PROTECT HER!