Rick Mercer

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Rick Mercer (born 1969) is a Canadian comedian.


  • The ozone hole over the Antarctic may soon set the record as being the world's biggest. This is the first year that the world's biggest hole will not be a head of state.
  • (On Canada-US relations): Pierre Trudeau said it was a lot like a relationship between an elephant and a mouse. Brian Mulroney, to give him the benefit of the doubt, felt that Canada could influence America more from the inside. Therefore he devoted most of his public life trying to get the mouse up inside the elephant. And, let's face it, that's a period in our country's history we'd all like to forget.
  • (On the Free Trade Agreement) Brian Mulroney, he described [the Canada-US Free Trade Agreement] as "an enriching and secure document." To which Ronald Reagan responded "I like cake."
  • The US is our neighbour, our ally, our trading partner, and our friend, and sometimes we'd like to give them such a smack.
  • [on Canada and the US] We're bigger, and we're on top. If this was prison, they would be our bitch.
  • Canada's treasury board has just published the results of a $1.5 million survey on public service morale. The results indicate that 90 percent of federal public servants like their jobs, while 20 percent report being harassed on the job. Which means...10 percent, don't mind a bit.
  • Here's to democracy. May we get the government we deserve.
  • At this time, we need to look to Canada's poets for inspiration. And when we think Canada, when we think poets, we all think... Trooper! [followed by footage of Canadian politicians singing along to "Raise A Little Hell"]
  • [Rick Mercer Report opening from the first season] Good Evening, I'm Rick Mercer and this is Monday Report. [replaced Monday Report with Tuesday Report in Season Two, then to The Mercer Report from Season 3 onwards - to avoid conflict with any other schedule changes]
  • Sometimes airlines die and go to heaven ... [March 21, 2005 Airline failures sketch]
  • Some people say the glass is half full. Others say it's half empty. George W Bush says 'it's my glass. Step away from my glass, or I'll break it and cut you with the glass'. George W. Bush... he'll cut ya. [in a parody of pro-Bush advertisement]
  • It was pretty surreal watching the budget get rammed through the other night. In my lifetime I've never really witnessed the NDP accomplish anything. Even the idea of them accomplishing anything seemed almost too absurd to contemplate. I always thought that believing in the NDP was like believing in fairies or goblins. Not so apparently. Canada now has an NDP budget.
  • [Rick Mercer Report ending in the first two seasons] And that's Monday Report!
  • And the Lord said 'Thou shall bow down before me.' And by 'Lord,' I mean Conrad Black.
  • Everytime (Conrad Black)'s in the paper, he's aged ten years. He looks like Gollum now.
  • They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. And unfortunately, it is also the definition of Canadian politics.
  • Now I admit,the idea of Conrad down at the immigration office, stuck at the back of the line behind some poor Somali dude with a bullet in his leg fills my heart with joy.

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