Rik Mayall (born 7 March 1958) is a British comedian and actor.
- I don't consider myself a comedian…more of a phenomenon.
- (After being hit in the groin with a cricket bat): Ha-ha missed both my legs!
- My enormous penis, obviously.
- on what he considers his greatest achievement.
- "I found a shiny silver penny on the floor of my house today".(Rik Mayall after his quadbike accident)
- "What does a man with a two foot cock have for breakfast. Well this morning I had a boiled egg"
- "I don't like to talk about myself because i don't want people to know who I am."
- "Whenever I'm nearta the theatre I ask myself this question "I don't know""
- "Whenever I'm nearta a friend in the theatre I ask him this question with my eyes *Rolls eyes* He sighs, and replies like all the other guys... "I don't know""
- "It takes more than a firetruck to stop Drop Dead Fred!"
- "Who's up for snot flicking?"
"If somethings not working properly, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better."
- In a debate with 'Vim Fuego' over weather cows are domesticated animals on the Bad News Album: "Oh, and how many cows have you seen sitting next to the fire, nestling over slippers Alan?? Not alot!"
"Oh go and fetch a paper from the newsagents Daisy!"
- "I say, what a smashing blouse"
- "Is my skid-mark showing?"
- "You thorough and total wank biscuit!"
- "Fire away duckie I'm all ears!"