Rocko's Modern Life

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People who never achieve happiness are the ones who complain whenever they're awake, and whenever they're asleep, they are thinking about what to complain about tomorrow.
Adam Zimbler
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Rocko's Modern Life was an animated series whose four seasons aired from 1993 to 1996.


  • "SPUNKY!!!"
  • X day/night is a very dangerous day/night.
  • You know, Spunky, sometimes grocery day can be a very dangerous day, but at least we got food.
  • "Excuse me, Earl... but garbage and dogs are not part of a balanced diet."
  • "Heh heh, oh my..."
  • "It's Heffer, on TV, playing with sausage!?"
  • "Come on Hef, let's go. I think I'm bleeding internally."
  • "Good as new."
  • "For the love of cake!!! hide me!!!"
  • "What in the hel...lo."
  • If this marriage is going to break up our friendship, I'd rather be deported!
  • I don't want sleep! I don't need sleep! I am the walking living!

Heffer Wolffe

  • "Look, it's the Grim Recycler!"
  • "That was a hoot!"
  • "Look out everyone! He's visually impaired!"
  • "Through the use of sophisticated computer technology, and a box of crayons, we have constructed a likeness of Dingo today."
  • "Chuck? Leon? Is my sausage skitzu ready? Chuuuck? Leeooon!"
  • "Nayyykeyyy."
  • "Maybe We should try new Tropicial Plumber".
  • "Chewey Chicken is people!"
  • "I'm a glutton (pronounced as glue-ton)!"
  • "(imitating Crappie Jack's accent) "So there I was, delirious with scurvy. The only thing standing between me and me treasure was 100 of the ugliest pirates known to Neptune."
  • "I'll make ya walk the poop deck ya big. . poop!"
  • "Man, it was great being old. Without my teeth, I could swallow food whole!"
  • "I don't OWN any spandex!"
  • "If you were a true friend, you'd burn my butt. C'mon, brand me, brand me, brand me."
  • "Hey, Rocko. Which is funnier, bananas or cheese?"
  • "Hey, Rock, do that funny face you make when you're buying eggs."
  • "Go to the petunia at once, corn cob!"
  • "Makes a great meat substitute for undershorts!"
  • "You know, I died once."
  • You'll have to excuse my friend here. He's never been old before.


  • "I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous..."
  • "You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands..."
  • "Oh fishsticks."
  • "Oh boy!"
  • "Well this is your mom!"
  • "Hey, pal! Get your buns out of my eyes!!
  • "Citizens of Conglom-O, repeat after me. 'Wee-wee!'"
  • "Hey Hef, ask me what time it is."
  • (referring to Rocko getting a glass of milk naked) "And he ain't dressed for the occasion, if ya know what I mean!"
  • Look behind you! A wild pig!
  • High-five?

Ed Bighead

  • "I hate my life."
  • "I HAVE NO SON!"
  • "I'm calling the pound!"
  • "Hey you! Get out of my salmon bushes!"
  • "Ed good Rocko bad!"
  • "That sounded like a clown. I hate clowns..."


(Mr. & Mrs. Fathead on screen...)
Mrs. Fathead: "Guess what I got??"
Mr. Fathead: "A lobotomy!"
Mrs. Fathead: "No silly, Watermelons!"

(Rocko and Filbert are fighting. They open the door.}
Rocko: "What in the hell—"
(It's the deportation officer)
Rocko/Filbert: "—lo..."

[Mr. Dupette and assistant Mr. Noway walking to Ed Bighead's office.]
Noway: "And I think you'll agree: He has a very promising future here at Conglom-O." [opens office door, revealing Ed talking to the "Magic Meatball" dressed in a wedding dress.]
Ed: "Now it wants to call it off!"
Noway: "I'm sorry to waste your time, sir."

Heffer: "Where's the remote?"
Peaches (this show's version of the devil): "Hahahaha, you poor pathetic fool. Still don't know where you are, do you? THERE IS NO REMOTE!"

Heffer: Wait a minute! Heck? Isn't it supposed to be—"
Peaches: (putting hand over Heffer's mouth) "Censors."

Heffer: (riding off into the sunset) Which do you think is funnier Rocko, banana or cheese?
Rocko: Cheese, Heffer, definitely cheese.

[From Zanzibar]
Guy: "And you know what they say..."
Rocko: "It's going to be a song, isn't it?"
Singing Townspeople, in unison: "You can't fight City Hall! You can't fight corporate America, they are big and we are small, you can't fight City Hall..."
[Rocko persuades them to go with him to talk to the board of directors at Conglom-O]
Rocko: "We demand to see to the Board of Directors!"
Security Guard: "And you would be...?"
Heffer: "We're a big unruly mob!"
Singing Townspeople: "We're a big unruly mob..."
Rocko: "Well, actually, we're the concerned citizens of O-Town."
Security Guard: "And you were sent by...?"
Heffer: "A big pile of rotting vegetable matter!"
Singing Townspeople: "A great big rotting pile..."
Rocko: "Well...uh, a compost heap, but the description is accurate."
Security Guard: "And do you have an appointment?"
Rocko: "Uh...this was sort a...spur-of-the-moment spontaneous thing..."
Security Guard: Uh-huh. And how do ya'll know the words?"
Heffer: "Ooh boy, he's got ya there Rock."
Rocko: "I don't know the words..."
Singing Townspeople: "He doesn't know the words...!"
Rocko: "SHUT UP!!!"
Security Guard: "Sorry, you can't get in without an appointment."
Rocko: "Oh..."
Singing Townspeople: "I guess we'll all go home..."
"[After Heffer accidentally reals in Rocko's underwear]"
Heffer: "Filburt..."
Filburt: "Yuck, get those away from me!"
Mr.Cheese:I am the cheese. I am the best character on this show. I am better than the salami and the bologna combined.

Heffer: "Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to witness one of the seven wonders of the world. At about 11:30 eastern-standard time through "this", our buddy Rocko will descend the staircase as he does every night for a glass of milk."
Filburt: "And he ain't dressed for the occasion if ya know what I mean!"
Heffer: "Hehehe yep, you heard right he's completely... "naked!"
Filburt: "With no clothes on!"

"[After Rocko, standing in his house naked, hears Heffer and Filburt spying on him. Heffer and Filburt turn and run.]"

Filburt: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Ed Bighead: Rocko,what're you doing?
Rocko: [With a paddle in his hand] We're playing spank the monkey.

Heffer: You know, I died once.
Filburt: Really?

[Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]

Ed Bighead: Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that *weirdo* next door is up to?
Bev Bighead: Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.
Ed Bighead: But, Bev! They're, well... *Nude*!

[Excited, Bev grabs the binoculars from Ed]

Bev Bighead:Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Yes! This is disgusting!

[in whisper]

Bev Bighead: Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!

Peaches: I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me... Peaches!
Heffer: Peaches?
Peaches: (normal voice) Would ya let me finish? (dark voice) You will rot in torment forever! (laughs)
Heffer: Peaches?
Peaches: (normal voice) Okay. Heffer. Pffffft. Oh, that's a good name, I -- (slaps self) What was I saying? (flips up fiery pit scene to reveal nothing) Just forget it.
Heffer: But wait, I though that --
Peaches: (still in normal voice) Ah, that's for the tourists.
Heffer: Wow, look at all the trees. (reading a sign) "Welcome to O-Town National Forest."
Rocko: (reading another sign) "Enjoy Nature's Splendor."
Rocko and Heffer: (seeing the Conglom-O Mall) Oooooooooooh, splendor.

{Rocko is on subway, which stops abruptly} ANNOUNCER: Passengers we are sorry for the delay, but the train has stopped due to police activity. ROCKO: Police activity? ANNOUNCER: And today's police activity is {cuts to police officers doing arts and crafts} arts and crafts! {train horn sounds} OFFICER: Hey! I'm paintin' eggs here!


  • Spunky: "Ruff, ruff!"
  • Fortune cookie: "Bad luck and (extreme) misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."
  • Really Really Big Man: "Look into my nipples of the future."
  • Man on Subway: "WHOOOOO WEEEEEEEEE! Now i got sum swingin' room!"
  • Crappie Jack: "Arr, and then, I heard a scream so loud it could be heard down in Davy Jones' locker. Mickey Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers..."
  • Crappie Jack: "Wooden legs...Wooden arms... (pulls off eyepatches) WOODEN EYES, TOO!"
  • Mortimer Khan: "Feel the strength of my two-ply!" "Feel the itch of real wool!" "Anglo-Saxon Hun!"
  • O-Town Residents: "R-E-C-Y-C-L-E Recycle! C-O-N-S-E-R-V-E Conserve! Don't you P-O-L-L-U-T-E Pollute the river sky or sea or else you're gonna get what you deserve!"
  • O-Town Residents: "A great big rotting pile!"
  • Captain Compost Heap: "So you see boys and girls, if you're not nice to mother nature, she'll kick our butts."
  • Salesman: "Spoon, from the people who brought you Fork." (trails off) "Coming soon, Knife"
  • Peaches: (playing with a paddleball) "662...663...664...665...!" (misses) "sigh... 1...2...3..."
  • Hippo Lady*: "How dare you?!"
  • Grocery Store Customer: "My wife's a sea mammal!"
  • Reoccuring Wild Pig*: "I'm a wild pig!"
  • Random Person*: "Tamales make my bottom burble!"
  • Son to Father: Son: "My teacher told me, everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings." Father: "Son, your teacher's full of snot."
  • Leon Chameleon: Holy enchilada!
  • Couch chasing Wedgie Boy: Sit on me!
  • Mr. Ick: YOU'RE FIRED!! I mean, THE END!!

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