Roddy Piper

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The ideas of a time are like the clothes of a season: they are as arbitrary, as much imposed by some superior will which is seldom explicit. They are utilitarian and political, the instruments of smooth-running government.
Wyndham Lewis
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Roddy Piper (born Roderick George Toombs on April 17, 1954 in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan) is a Canadian professional wrestler of Scottish descent. His alter ego hails from Glasgow, Scotland, wears a kilt and walks to the ring with bagpipe music.

He earned the nickname "Rowdy" by displaying his trademark "Scottish" rage, spontaneity and quick wit, and is also nicknamed "Hot Rod". Roddy Piper has always maintained that none of his dialogue was ever planned or scripted, that everything was improv.

Quotes

Piper's Pit

  • "Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions."
  • "You don't throw rocks at a man with a machine gun!"
  • "Do you know you couldn't get a date with a $20 bill taped to your forehead?"
  • "I'm so quick, I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me."
  • "I don't need to know how tough I am to know how tough I am."
  • "I WAS ROWDY BEFORE ROWDY WAS COOL! HAA!!"
  • "The boss is back."
  • Showing Jimmy Snuka a pineapple "This reminds me of my ex-girlfriend! She's all (rubs fronds) bushy up top, and all (slaps the bottom of the pineapple) mushy on the bottom!"
  • (Talking about Mr. T) "He is the only person to wear more chains then their ancestors"
  • (Talking to Tony Atlas) "I don't let the seeds stop me from eating my watermelon"

Other

  • "Real men wear kilts."
  • "I am your reality check!"
  • "When I'm good, I'm good! When I'm bad, I'm BETTER!"
  • "Ric Flair, the Slim Whitman of Pro-Wrestling."
  • "I'm the reason Hulk Hogan lost his hair!"
  • "Russia gives us Nikolai Volkoff, and we give them MTV and 2 Live Crew. Fair trade, huh?"
  • "Nature Boy, what's that? Do you run around the forest like Euell Gibbons, eating bark or something?"
  • "Do you think they would have loved you, if they hadn't hated me?"
  • "Jerry Lawler walks in here with his crown - DA DA DUM - Imperial Margarine - and talks about what he's going to do to me. Lawler, if you think you're going to beat me, if you think you can do ANYTHING to me, than you really are the king. King of FOOLS, jack!!"
  • "Rowdy Roddy cut his locks; but don't worry women, he's still a fox."
  • "Ric Flair, you once called me a woman. Well how does it feel to get beat by a woman?"
  • "I walk so fast, I talk so fast, I could turn the light off and be in bed before the room's dark!"
  • Throwing around a bunch of letters "I got some hate mail! HA! They didn't put their NAMES on it, of course. You ever go to the men's room in the subway and see all that clever writing on the walls? (indicates letter in his hand) that's these guys!!"
  • "I don't wear a skirt. I wear a kilt. A kilt is what a Scotsman wears. A skirt is what your daddy wears to the cocktail lounge."
  • "When you were young did your mommy and daddy place the swing too close to the wall?"
  • "I think you've been dreamin' — I think it's been all wet, too."
  • "I was pissin', Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash!"
  • "I'm Roddy!" Reference to the McAllister's
  • "Sooner or later everybody pays the Piper!"
  • "It seems like I have been fighting someone, something, someplace, in some manner, my whole life. But this fight, is one I am gonna win!"
Statement upon being diagnosed with Lymphoma.
  • When I was well....I was hell !!
  • (To Jillian Hall on a segment of Piper's Pit)"What is that dying on the side of your face?? Its got lungs, and eyes!
  • "Don't be blowin' no more smoke in my face Mr.Downey."
  • "my name is rowdy roddy piper a.k.a. rubik's cube"
  • "when i'm good i'm good, when i'm bad i'm better, when i'm better i'm the best "
  • points to i.c.o.n. t-shirt and says "I COWER OVER NOTHIN"
  • "I beat Mr. T! I beat Hulk Hogan! I beat cancer!" (Towards Carlito)
  • "Vince Russo says that he is the Antichrist of professional wrestling. Russo, don't give yourself so much credit; you are simply the bin Laden of professional wrestling!"
  • "You ever notice Hulk Hogan's got no hair on his chest? Only friend he's got that DOES is Cyndi Lauper."

First time on WWE's ECW

  • Matt Striker: "Piper it is my Birthday and I will be honored if you sang happy birthday to me."
  • Piper: "You want me to sing happy birthday to you? Okay." (sings) "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear--" (stops singing) "What did you say your name was?"
  • Matt Striker: "Matt."
  • Piper: (puts the chocalate birthday cake in Striker's face and starts singing again) "Happy birthday to you!"

Films

  • "My name is Rowdy Roddy Piper and you ain't seen nothing yet!" (WWE Hall of Fame 2006)
  • "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all outta bubblegum." (They Live)