Ron Bennington

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Ideas lose themselves as quickly as quail, and one must wing them the minute they rise out of the grass, or they are gone.
Thomas F. Kennedy
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Ron Bennington is the primary voice of The Ron and Fez Show, and a stand-up comic. Ron and Fez can be heard Monday through Friday 12 noon to 3 PM EST on XM The Virus 202 following Opie and Anthony, replayed from 12 midnight to 3 AM EST.

Radio Show Quotes from 'The Ron & Fez Show' on XM 202 (Noon to 3PM)

2006

  • "I attended George Mason.....well I went to a Bowie show there and it was great....."
  • "You've got nothing to worry about Fez, Master Po and I are both trained killers. The only difference is that I am a trained killer of children."
  • "There was a tear in my eye as I was molesting her. She's so fuckin' adorable."
  • "When I was growing up there was a kid with leg braces. We beat him into a coma simply because his knees didn't work."
  • (In reference to Fez) "By saying you were 'running away from your dad', did you mean you were running towards his dick with your mouth open?"
  • "Here's a diet plan for you. One bump right after you wake up, and another bump every 15 minutes for the rest of your life. This way you don't have to worry about having a sensible dinner".

2007

2008

August

  • "Fanboy means nothing more than, 'I live in my mom's basement'."
  • "I've said this before, but if Women didn't have vaginas, they would be useless."
  • (In reference to Kobe Bryant's popularity in China) "Either the Chinese really love Kobe Bryant, or they're big fans of rape"
  • ".....so Obama is a Mulatto, why cant we be proud of his White mother?...... I'll tell you why off the air, we used to have a name for that in the old neighborhood."
  • "Jessica has done more damage to the Simpson name than O.J."
  • "For some reason we stopped having rock stars. We sit at home playing rock video games, and we have rock museums. Rock 'n' roll is a video game. Rock 'n' roll is a chance to look at Elvis' pants. It's everything but a fucking lifestyle. It's fast food..... It's over kids, you missed it, the death rattle is even done. That little kid from Almost Famous ought to shoot himself in the head."

September

  • "Is Alaska a state or not? They border Canada, and Russia.. that makes them a foreign country in my eyes!"
  • "When you live in Cleveland or Cincinnati, you're can't wait for a reason to get out of the house. You're just like 'oh there's a baseball game, or a basketball game, or football. When you're in Florida there's other stuff to do. You're sailin, your fuckin doin coke..."
  • (In reference to spitting or swallowing) "What do I care what you do with it, wax the car with it, put it in a fucking mayonnaise jar and send it to starving kids in Africa, once it's out of me, I don't care."
  • "The only thing I dislike about Obama is that he killed his wife and that waiter."
  • "When you hear Fez coming up with an opinion, just turn the volume down, give it 4 seconds, he doesn't go long, then back up again."
  • "Every guy needs to cum before he goes to sleep. That's fucking science, my friend."
  • "The Ron and Fez Show, it is like having your dick in something really wet and really tight, for three hours."
  • "This is it folks, you're watching the end of the republic, and we'll be here with you 'til the last day of it."
  • (In reference to Ron's higher education) "I was a shop major.. but we didn't have any tools... what we studied was shop theory.. one of the questions on a test was 'could you put a nail into wood?'-- I had to fucking copy off the guy next to me."
  • "By the way, Canada, we need all your money. We're just gonna ask nicely, or else... you don't get to see the next Spiderman."

October

  • "If a man gets raped by another man and the man on the bottom cums...I'm gonna say that's not rape!"
  • "[There are] three things that my dad believes in...the Phils, Jesus, & the Republican Party..... and all three of them have let him down"
  • "Don't you know anything about the wrath of god?! God hates the devil and the city of Philadelphia."
  • "Every country shits the bed...just ask Rome"
  • "Purell doesn't kill all the germs. It just makes your hands smoother to stick up your ass."
  • "If God had to choose between Sodom and Gomorrah or Philadelphia, he'd choose Sodom and Gomorrah"
  • "Bud Selig is the worst man in the history of Earth. And this is a planet that had Stalin and Hitler"

November

  • "[Obama] will be the first black president in world history where machetes weren't involved, so that's history"
  • "Cursing is like your first joint as a kid, you just couldn't wait to get outside with your friends and say shit, asshole, you fucking shithead, etc"
  • "If a woman tells me 'I want to be with another woman', I'm like good. You're both getting fucked.... then I lock the door"
  • The only thing I hate worse than my emotions is other people's. Hearing about other people's fuckin' emotions is like hearing about their high school football team. I don't give a fuck how you did against Garnet Valley.

Unknown

  • "I think CSI: Miami is the worst fucking thing that's ever happened to the planet earth. I think it's worse than the AIDS epidemic of the early 90's"
  • "I'm still undecided but leaning to just going in there and pushing the voting machine over just like I did in the last two elections."
  • "I've got 2 things in common with Albert Einstein; we both think we're done for without any honey bees and...we don't see any need to comb our hair."
  • "When I was a baby my feet didn't touch the ground for 3 years. Ladies kept passing me around, that's why I'm so confident."
  • "The Fat Boys may have been the most perfect name. I mean, it just said it all right there.
  • "I'll show you an e-mail saying Bill Clinton wants to eat my ass, that's how easy it is to fake an e-mail"
  • "When I leave a relationship I always like to burn the house down so there's no discussion about it later"
  • (On Survivor: Cook Islands) "The Spanish team will be good at agriculture, the black team good at athletics, the Asian team good at math, and the white team WILL GO TO THE MOON!"

External links

Wikipedia
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Ron Bennington's Line of the Day at Wackbag.com