She's the Man
She's the Man is a 2006 modernization of William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night, or What You Will." Viola Hastings is a high school soccer player who learns that the girls' team at her school, Cornwall, is being cut. After her request to join the boys' team is refused, she enrolls at Cornwall's rival school, Illyria, disguised as her twin brother, Sebastian. Viola hopes that, as Sebastian, she can join the boy’s team at Illyria and beat Cornwall. Hilarity ensues when Viola begins to fall in love with her roommate, Duke, who thinks she’s a guy...
- Directed by Andy Fickman. Written by Ewan Leslie, Karen McCullah Lutz, and Kirsten Smith.
- Speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter...
- [on the phone] Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller... and to make it harder for them to run away.
- [getting into a catfight with Monique] You are messing with the wrong man!
- So, uh, you play the beautiful game... bros... brothers... brethren?
- [to Duke] What does you heart tell you? [pause] I mean... which one would you rather see NAKED!?!?!
- Eunice! HANDS! Hands, Eunice, HANDS!
- [to a passing kid] High five! [the kids doesn't stop] Nice.
- You know how it is. New school, new babe pool.
- I'd tap that.
- [to Monique] ...when I close my eyes, I see you for who you truly are, which is UUUG-LAY.
- Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
- [to Viola (as Sebastian)] Why, why do you always talk about girls in such graphic terms?
- I gotta go change my feet.
- Yeaaahhh, you did it! I'm gooooing out with Olivia.(viola as sebastian replies) Dude, come your a guy, what would you do if the hottest girl in school came and asked you on a date?
- Sexual tension, male-female dynamics...all part of the high school experience.
- Well he must be half way to China by now he showed us his willies & dingleberries.
- Between you and me the chicks dig it! rouugggee the crowds! hang ten
- Olivia: [as Viola takes her place at the kissing booth] Beware. The old guy chewing gum... it's not gum.
- Sebastian: [leaving Monique a message on the phone] Hey Monique it's Sebastian. I don't know if Viola told you, but I'm in London, but I'm coming home a day early. Hey listen, we really need to talk!
- Malcolm: [in the shower room to Viola as Sebastian] : I'm Malcolm Festes, dorm director. Shower shoes are to be worn at all times in the shower room except when in the actual shower. Did you not read your dorm life pamphlet? It was in your cubby.
- Monique: [in response to Andrew's flirting] Girls with asses like mine do not talk to boys with faces like yours.
- Paul: Just remember, inside every girl, there's a boy. [pause] That came out wrong, but you know what I mean.
- Justin: [after he blocks a goal] That's right. Didn't score on me last half, won't score on this half! I'm a ninja. Ninja Goalie.
- Toby: How come when I wanted to ask Eunice out everyone made fun of me, but then Sebastian likes her and suddenly she's cool? Screw you guys. I hate high school.
- Sebastian: [indicating Viola's false sideburns] Are those real?
- Viola: Oh yeah, I'm growing sideburns now- NO!
- [Duke sees Viola take Olivia's place at the kissing booth.]
- Duke: Just my luck.
- [Viola hears this and looks taken aback.]
- Duke: No, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean, she's... you know... Okay. Um, on the other hand you're also...
- Viola: I... am? Thanks, I guess.
- 9 Year Old Boy: You don't have to flirt with her first, okay, genius? You're paying for it.
- Malcolm: I am convinced [Sebastian's] hiding something.
- Principal Gold: Oh, nonsense, Malcolm. He may be a little lost and confused, but deep down he's an all-American, red-blooded male, just like yourself.
- Viola: [walking by, dressed as Sebastian, while on the phone] Mom, I will pick out my own dress. And no, I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller... and to make it harder for them to runaway.
- Principal Gold: Malcolm, have you ever tried to run away in high heels?
- Malcolm: No, sir, I-
- Principal Gold: Not that easy. Not that easy...
- Duke: So, uh, do you... like cheese?
- Eunice: More than any other animal by-product.
- Coach Dinklage: OK, shirts and skins.
- Viola: Pardon me, sir. I have to be a shirt.
- Coach Dinklage: What?
- Viola: I'm allergic to the sun.
- Coach Dinklage: You're allergic to the sun?
- Viola: Very, very, very deathly, deathly allergic.
- [Duke and Viola (as Sebastian) are arguing about who should remove Malcolm's pet tarantula from their room.]
- Viola: You're the guy... um, the bigger guy.
- [Viola (as Sebastian) is teaching Duke how to talk to a girl.]
- Viola: Ask me if I like... cheese!
- Duke: Cheese? Okay... do you like... cheese?
- Viola: [in an overly girlish voice] Why, yes I do. My favorite's gouda.
- Toby: [to Viola as Sebastian] Is your sister hot?
- Viola: Uh... I guess so... she's got a great personality.
- Duke, Toby, and Andrew: Ew.
- Duke: Okay, why do you have tampons in your loot?
- Viola [as Sebastian]: Um... I... get really bad nosebleeds?
- Andrew: So, you stick them up your nose?
- Viola: [slowly] Yeeeeah. What, you... you've never done that? Oh my- Beckham does it all the time.
- Toby: Seriously?
- Viola: Yes. Look, let me show you how to do it. [starts tearing open the tampon] Take that off... whatever that is. And you stick it right in. It absorbs right up!
- Viola [as Sebastian]: I gotta be completely honest. The whole dissecting thing kinda freaks me out, so uh... I think you may have to take the reins on this one.
- Olivia: Wow, most guys would have never admit that.
- Viola: Oh crap! Your right.
- Viola: [Viola's mom shows her a dress] Echh. No. Sorry, Mom. I have a strict no-ruffles policy.
- Daphne: [exasperated] Sometimes I think you just might as well be your brother.
- Daphne: [after hearing about Viola breaking up with Justin] But why? He's so handsome, and rugged, and chiseled, and great.
- Viola: Then why don't you date him, mom?
- Daphne: [pauses a second to fantasize, then giggles] Oh, no... I couldn't.
- [A pass from Toby connects solidly with Viola's crotch. The soccer team gives a sympathetic groan.]
- Viola [as Sebastian]: [looks around, confused] Oh, right. OWW! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! IT BURNS!
- Olivia: The next time I see Sebastian, I am gonna march right up to him...
- Viola: You march.
- Olivia: ...I'm gonna tell him how I feel...
- Viola: You tell him.
- Olivia: ...and then I'm going to kiss him so passionately...
- Viola: What?
- Olivia: ...that even the people he hates will feel pleasure.
- [Duke tells Viola (who he thinks is Sebastian) that he and Viola kissed at the kissing booth.]
- Viola: No man... if you wanna kiss her... You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock your self out! You just take her... then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her!
- Duke: Okay.
- Toby: [talking about Eunice] She's got a little somethin' somethin'.
- Andrew: Yeah... asthma and headgear.
- Toby: I got lady troubles
- Viola [as Sebastian]: I'm here for you bro. I got a lifetime of knowledge.
- Amanda Bynes — Viola
- Channing Tatum — Duke
- Laura Ramsey — Olivia
- Vinnie Jones — Coach Dinklage
- David Cross — Principal Gold
- Robert Hoffman — Justin