Shrek the Third
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.Hugh Downs
- Listen Artie, eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get all up in your grill, raise your roof or whatever.
- (While Artie begs to Merlin to take them back) Have a heart, old man.
- I see...a rainbow pony.
- (singing to Shrek and Fiona) Good morning...good morning...to you and you and yooooou.
- (after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano) Look out! They got a piano!
- (discovering Shrek nude in bed) AAAAH!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies.
- (at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head) Dada.
- (in Puss's body) How in the Hans Christen Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?!
- (to Shrek): Please don't eat me!
- (after Shrek tries to talk to him with cliched teenager lingo) HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER WHO'S TRYING TO RELATE TO ME!
- Snow White: Everybody keep calm...WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! (before getting slapped by Doris)
- Captain Hook: Avast, ye cookie. Start talking.
- Prince Charming: You. You can't lie. So tell me, puppet, where is Shrek?
- Pinocchio: Uh, hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
- Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
- Pinocchio: It wouldn’t be inaccurate to assume that I couldn’t exactly not say that it is or isn’t almost partially incorrect.
- Prince Charming:- So you do know where he is?
- Pinocchio: Oh, on the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
- Prince Charming: Stop it!
- Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn’t probably be, if that indeed wasn’t where he isn’t. Even if he wasn’t at where I knew he was, that’d mean I’d really have to know where he wasn't.
- Puss in Boots (Donkey): Oh, man. I haven't been on a trip like that since college.
- Shrek: Donkey?
- Puss in Boots (Donkey): What? I got something in my teeth? Huh!? What the...Oh n-no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a fancy-feasting, second-rate sidekick!
- Donkey (Puss in Boots): Oh, at least you don't look like some kind of a bloated roadside piñata! You should really go on a diet!
- Puss In Boots (Donkey): We got boat crash and the magic mix.
- Doris: You poor sweet things.
- Cinderella: I don't get it.
- Snow White: The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet...What's there to get?
- Sleeping Beauty: Who that?
- Doris: I know he's a jerk and everything but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
- Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel: Ewwwww!
- Snow White: I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
- Sleeping Beauty: Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow!
- Snow White: I think it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
- Rapunzel: You mean in that RIGGED election?
- Snow White:Oh, give me a break. (dreamy voice) Rapunzel, Rapunzel, (sarcastic voice) let down thy golden extensions.
- Queen: Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.
- (Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming.)
- Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
- Cinderella: Yay! (claps)
- (awkward pause)
- Fiona: Why?
- Rapunzel: Jealous much?
- Prince Charming: This was supposed to be MY happily ever after!!!
- Shrek: Well, I guess you better keep looking (looks at Fiona lovingly, then back at Charming)...'cause I'm not giving up mine!
- Fiona: For what it's worth, you would've made a great king.
- Shrek: (rubs Fiona's stomach) I had something else in mind.
- Captain Hook: (looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook) Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
- Boy's Mother: His name's not Peter!
- Captain Hook: Shut it, Wendy.
- Artie: (To Shrek) Please don't eat me!
- Students and Teacher: (chanting) Eat him, eat him...
- Shrek: I'm not here to eat him!
- Students and Teacher: Aww...
- Shrek: It's time for toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of Far Far Away.
- Artie: What?
- Gingy: I hate dinner theatre.
- Pinocchio: Me too. [his nose grows]
- Rapunzel: Oh pookykins, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
- Prince Charming: Not now, kitten whiskers.
- And They Lived Happily Never After.
- He's In For The Royal Treatment.
- The Wait Is Ogre.