Shrek the Third
Love means the body, the soul, the life, the entire being. We feel love as we feel the warmth of our blood, we breathe love as we breathe air, we hold it in ourselves as we hold our thoughts. Nothing more exists for us.Guy De Maupassant
- Listen Artie, eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get all up in your grill, raise your roof or whatever.
- (While Artie begs to Merlin to take them back) Have a heart, old man.
- I see...a rainbow pony.
- (singing to Shrek and Fiona) Good morning...good morning...to you and you and yooooou.
- (after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano) Look out! They got a piano!
- (discovering Shrek nude in bed) AAAAH!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies.
- (at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head) Dada.
- (in Puss's body) How in the Hans Christen Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?!
- (to Shrek): Please don't eat me!
- (after Shrek tries to talk to him with cliched teenager lingo) HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER WHO'S TRYING TO RELATE TO ME!
- Snow White: Everybody keep calm...WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! (before getting slapped by Doris)
- Captain Hook: Avast, ye cookie. Start talking.
- Prince Charming: You. You can't lie. So tell me, puppet, where is Shrek?
- Pinocchio: Uh, hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
- Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
- Pinocchio: It wouldn’t be inaccurate to assume that I couldn’t exactly not say that it is or isn’t almost partially incorrect.
- Prince Charming:- So you do know where he is?
- Pinocchio: Oh, on the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
- Prince Charming: Stop it!
- Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn’t probably be, if that indeed wasn’t where he isn’t. Even if he wasn’t at where I knew he was, that’d mean I’d really have to know where he wasn't.
- Puss in Boots (Donkey): Oh, man. I haven't been on a trip like that since college.
- Shrek: Donkey?
- Puss in Boots (Donkey): What? I got something in my teeth? Huh!? What the...Oh n-no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a fancy-feasting, second-rate sidekick!
- Donkey (Puss in Boots): Oh, at least you don't look like some kind of a bloated roadside piñata! You should really go on a diet!
- Puss In Boots (Donkey): We got boat crash and the magic mix.
- Doris: You poor sweet things.
- Cinderella: I don't get it.
- Snow White: The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet...What's there to get?
- Sleeping Beauty: Who that?
- Doris: I know he's a jerk and everything but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
- Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel: Ewwwww!
- Snow White: I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
- Sleeping Beauty: Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow!
- Snow White: I think it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
- Rapunzel: You mean in that RIGGED election?
- Snow White:Oh, give me a break. (dreamy voice) Rapunzel, Rapunzel, (sarcastic voice) let down thy golden extensions.
- Queen: Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.
- (Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming.)
- Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
- Cinderella: Yay! (claps)
- (awkward pause)
- Fiona: Why?
- Rapunzel: Jealous much?
- Prince Charming: This was supposed to be MY happily ever after!!!
- Shrek: Well, I guess you better keep looking (looks at Fiona lovingly, then back at Charming)...'cause I'm not giving up mine!
- Fiona: For what it's worth, you would've made a great king.
- Shrek: (rubs Fiona's stomach) I had something else in mind.
- Captain Hook: (looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook) Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
- Boy's Mother: His name's not Peter!
- Captain Hook: Shut it, Wendy.
- Artie: (To Shrek) Please don't eat me!
- Students and Teacher: (chanting) Eat him, eat him...
- Shrek: I'm not here to eat him!
- Students and Teacher: Aww...
- Shrek: It's time for toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of Far Far Away.
- Artie: What?
- Gingy: I hate dinner theatre.
- Pinocchio: Me too. [his nose grows]
- Rapunzel: Oh pookykins, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
- Prince Charming: Not now, kitten whiskers.
- And They Lived Happily Never After.
- He's In For The Royal Treatment.
- The Wait Is Ogre.