Sione's Wedding

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Sione's Wedding (also marketed outside New Zealand as Samoan Wedding), is a 2006 comedic film directed by Chris Graham. Written by James Griffin and Oscar Kightley, and produced by South Pacific Pictures. It is the story of four Samoan New Zealanders who need to find girlfriends to attend an important wedding.

You're invited.taglines

Individual quotes

Security Guard: Why don't you back off or I'll introduce you to Mr Wack wack stick.

Stanley: I'm more than a pair of fancy shoes you know.

Albert: Man, we're gonna be banned from our own funerals.


Leilani: What time do you call this, Sefa? [Shows clock]
Sefa: Bedtime? [Leilani smashes Sefa's face with clock. He collapses on the floor.]
Leilani: Sione wants to see you, now.

[At Sione's house, the Pastor calls in Sefa and the gang]
Pastor: We have a problem. As a shepherd of the Lord charged with watching over our little community, I have officiated at many happy occasions. Celebrations of love, togetherness, peace and harmony...and there are weddings you four have attended. Shall we watch them? [Sefa, Albert, Michael, and Stanley agree, and an assistant readies the VCR.] Tavita's wedding.
[Footage shows Tavita and his bride being given the send-off by the guests. The couple open the limousine to find Michael having sex with a bridesmaid. Michael scrambles to get out of the car and escape with Tavita chasing him.]
Sione: [in footage] It's not funny! Do you know what the hell you've done!?!?
Pastor: And Albert, don't think anyone has forgotten Iakopo's wedding.
[Footage shows Albert joining the bride's siva dance. He picks up the bride, and suddenly drops her on her head. Albert quickly apologizes to the guests as he is ushered out of the reception.]
Pastor: [as assistant switches tapes] Sefa, don't think anyone has forgotten Mose's wedding.
[In the video, Mose and his bride are ready to cut the groom's wedding cake, when a drunk Sefa stands up and collapses on the bride's cake. Laughter is heard in the background as Sefa is picked up. Michael gives the destroyed cake's figurine to the couple.]
Pastor: And just last night, your crowning glory. Eugene's wedding. [Albert coldly looks at a sweaty Stanley.]
[The video camera used in the wedding is hooked up to the TV. The footage shows guests evacuating the reception hall, which is on fire.]
Stanley: [off-cam voice] Bolo, Bolo, Bolo! [speaks to camera] You didn't see me, okay? I was not here!
[An angry Eugene is seen fuming at the entrance, and Sione and two constables are the only ones stopping him from assaulting the gang]
Albert: [off-cam] Eugene's gone ballistic.... [The lens is blocked]
Various Voices In Camera: Shut up, shut up! Turn it off! No, you shut up!
Pastor: Shame and heartache, because of FOUR IMMATURE FOOLS! My flock have commanded to me, and that is why my decree, is Sione's wedding, all of you...are banned. Our meeting is over.

Michael: What's happened to you Sione?
Sione: I fell in love you dick! I love Leonie more than I love anything in the world, and if any of you dickheads wreck our wedding, that's it. We're done.
Stanley: Guess you don't love her that much then, eh.
Sefa: Stan!
Michael: He means us, Stanley.

[The guys propose to the Pastor to bring girls to the wedding, who could control their behaviour. The Pastor is ready to swing for his putt from a sandtrap in the golf course]
Albert: So we're different people when these girls around [The others agree] Even Sefa behaves when Leilani is with him, that's why he never takes her anywhere. [Pastor prepares swing but stops] Sione's like a little brother to us.
Michael: Especially me, sir.
Stanley: They're related.
Albert: [Pastor's swing is interrupted again] And this is the last wedding we'd want to ruin. [Gang agrees]
Michael: Right, Sione? [Sione shrugs]
Pastor: Not just dates. Not some girl foolish enough to say 'Yes' to a night out and free food. [Points club head to each of the four] You must bring girlfriends.
Albert: Girlfriends?
Stanley: But Your Majesty, Albert hasn't had a girlfriend in 30 years!
Albert: Good one, Stanley.
Pastor: Someone to whom you've made a commitment.
Michael: Commitment?
Pastor: [Mimics] 'Commitment'? 'Girlfriend'? [Normal voice] Other words you don't understand, ah? You must find someone who sees the good in you. Bring her to my church on the day of Sione's wedding. Turn up alone, and Eugene will be more than happy to toss you into the street. [Makes the swing, but the ball bounces off the golf cart and Sefa's head before it lands inches away from the hole]

Derek: T, sup girl. Sole, malo man.
Albert: Who you calling "sole"?
Derek: Hound dog in the fale.
Albert: Derek start speaking your own language, you come from Glenfield.
Derek: Sole man, I'm down. My boys growing up on my block, P.I. and proud represent. G-g-g-Gfield.
Albert: G-g-g-Glenfield. Not Gfield.
Derek: Word. T, my crews hitting the Muddy Farmer after work. You up girl?
Albert: This will be your crew from the claims department.
Derek: Sole don't be a hater, be a player congratulator.

Aaliyah: Tyrique?
Stanley: Aaliyah?
Aaliyah: On Party Chat you said you were 6'6!
Stanley: You said you were size 14!
Aaliyah: I am!
Stanley: Your feet, maybe.

Derek: When you come to my fale you check what you bringing at the door.
Albert: Bringing what?
Derek: That.
Albert: WHAT?
Derek: That attitude. You check that at the door or yo' get my jandel on yo' mouth! [Derek's crew laughs before leaving] Fa.
Sefa: You. [as in Fuck you]
Michael: Dick. [laughs]
Stanley: Will there be any honies there? I'm sick of sleeping with girls as big as Savai'i.
Tania: You slept with that sasquatch?
Stanley: Yeah, she showed up. It would've been rude not to.

Albert: I have to go shopping.
Michael: Shopping for your mum?
Albert: Shopping for a hon-ay.

Sefa: What are these?
Stanley: Pants!
Sefa: Who's wearing them?
Stanley: You are!
Sefa: Correct!
Leilani: And who washes the skid marks out of them? [Leilani's crew laughs]

Bolo: My name is Paul.
Sefa: Your name is Bolo until you earn the right to be called by your real name: Bolo!

Albert: She smiled at me. She likes me.
Stanley: How can you tell? By the flirtatious way she's ignoring you?

[Out drinking with Princess and the Duckrockers]
Albert: I feel less than ideal...[throwing up in the restroom]
Albert: Do I still look cool...?
Stanley: hardly look wasted bro'.

[Sefa goes to Leilani's house after he learns she went to a certain clinic]
Leilani: [teary-eyed] What do you want?
Sefa: I got a pitch stranger put a needle up my dick.
Leilani: God, did it hurt?
Sefa: Then he tells me I don't have any of the symptoms.
Leilani: Of what?
Sefa: Of WHAT? The STD I did give you! [glances away, then back to Leilani] The one you went to the clinic for?
Leilani: The family planning clinic, Sefa. I'm pregnant.

[The boys discuss the fact that Michael had sex with Princess]
Stanley: [To Albert] Whoa man, don't blame Michael. He did really well to hold out as long as he did.
Albert: Stanley, you knew about this! [Long pause] Fuck! Et tu, Brutus.
Michael: Why are you speaking Maori?

[While eating McDonald's takeout, the topic of dates suddenly shift to one girl]
Stanley: What about Tanya? [Albert looks back at him] Tanya, who you work with?
Michael: I thought she's seeing someone else.
Albert: She hangs out with Derek.
Stanley: She thinks he's a duck.
Michael: So how come she's going out with him?
Stanley: She's not going out with him?
Michael: I thought that's what she said when I asked her to go out to the wedding with me.
Albert: [snaps] Michael, you asked Tanya?!?! Are there any girls I like that you haven't asked out?!
Stanley: So you do like her.
Albert: So? She hangs out with dickwick Derek and his homeboys. He's obviously the 'someone else.'
Stanley: Or...she hangs out with Derek because she's lonely? 'Cause the dickwick she likes doesn't know she exists. And you know, I'm not just a fancy pair of shoes.

[Derek's gang approaches Albert, Sefa, Michael, and Stanley in the car park on the way to the Muddy Farmer]
Derek: Albert.
Albert: Derek.
Derek: Sole man, where you going?
Albert: Inside to talk to Tanya and stop calling me sole, alright?
Derek: Why?
Albert: What do you mean why? Cause your white, not Samoan.
Derek: Nah, I mean why you wanna talk to Tanya?
Albert: That's none of your business.
Derek: [looks strangely at Albert] You disrespecting me?
Albert: [laughing] Hey?
Derek: Comin' on my turf, getting all up on my girl. Sole man, you know how we do it in the hood. [Sefa, Michael, and Stanley laugh]
Michael: Just hit the prick, Albert.
Albert: Derek...this is not a Michael Jackson video, okay? So stop being a dick and get out of my way.

[Rushing to get to the wedding on time]
Sefa: Let's go. Drive like the wind Bolo!
Bolo: My name is...
Sefa: Bolo.
Albert: Bolo.
Michael: Bolo.
Stanley: Bolo.
Sefa, Albert, Michael, Stanley: PAUL!

[Stanley's drinking alone and a waitress takes away the spent dishes.]
Waitress: Hey, if you like more Bombay, it's out the back. Cheer up. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Stanley: [suddenly startled because of the voice and the last few words] Latifah? [Waitress is shocked upon recognizing Tyrique, and suddenly runs off]


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