Sixteen Candles

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Sixteen Candles is a 1984 comedy about a young girl's "sweet sixteenth" birthday that becomes anything but special as she suffers from every embarrassment possible. The film is often credited with the beginning of the Brat Pack film movement.

Written and directed by John Hughes.
It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime.Taglines

Samantha Baker

  • I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.
  • I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.
  • Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
  • It's really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.
  • I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.
  • You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.
  • I can't believe I'm actually going to consume this school hamburger.

The Geek

  • By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
  • Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?
  • I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
  • Weez, we got seventy dollars and a pair of girls' underpants. We're safe as kittens.
  • Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Y'know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.
  • Would you guys please hurry up? I'm breaking like 30 major laws here.
  • Take those ridiculous things off!
  • Be polite to his parents.
  • JAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! (when under the glass coffee table)
  • Jake? Jake's my boy!
  • I never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.
  • Fresh breath is a priority in my life..
  • We're here five minutes...I'm at a loss.
  • Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand!

Long Duk Dong

  • Ooh. Sexy girlfriend...
  • What's happenin', hot stuff?
  • No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
  • She get married to oily bohunk.
  • How you spell?
  • Now I have a place to put my hand.
  • flat?
  • That you?

Jake Ryan

  • I thought she hated me.
  • It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out she really does think I'm a slime.
  • I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?


  • Ginny: I really love Rudy. And he is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had other men love me before, but not for six months in a row.
  • Randy: Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion.
  • Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.
  • Jim Baker: [to Samantha] I don't think I can sleep tonight if I don't think our little talk did some good. So... be a sport and lie to me, okay?
  • Howard Baker: [describing Long Duk Dong on the phone to the police] What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded.
  • Mike Baker: What the hell are you bitchin' about? I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork.
  • Weez: Ted, you're a legend!
  • Grandpa Fred: Howard, there's your chinaman.


Jake: Do you know Samantha Baker?
Jock: Sophomore, right?
Jake: Yeah. What do you think of her?
Jock: I don't.
Jake: Would you go out with her?
Jock: Depends on how much you pay me.
Jake: She's not ugly.
Jock: There's nothin' there man. It's not ugly, it's just...void
Jake: I do independent study with her. I catch her lookin' at me a lot. It's kinda cool, the way she's always lookin' at me.
Jock: Maybe she's retarded. Jake, she's a child. She's obviously too young to party serious
Jake: I'm being serious, ok. She looks at me like she's in love with me.
Jock: Jake, you act like you're hard up. I mean you've got Caroline. She's like Wo-mon!

Mike Baker: She's got her period. Should be an interesting honeymoon.
Jim Baker: Where are you learning this stuff?
Mike Baker: School.
Jim Baker: Good, get my money's worth.

Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me take a look at you. [holds Samantha's arms out] Oh look Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred: I better get my magnifying glass. Ha Ha Ha. [Samantha grimaces]
Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so PERKY. [Helen reaches to cup Samantha's breasts]
[Samantha hurries out of the room]
Samantha: I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up.

Ginny: Darling is something bothering you? You're acting like... an asshole. And I think I know what it is. I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention.
Samantha: You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.
Ginny: No Sam, I think you're just acting selfish and immature.
Samantha: Oh yes that's it. That's exactly it. [storms out]
Ginny: [to herself] I can't believe it. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.

Brenda Baker: Can you remember to turn off the stove in twenty minutes?
Samantha: I can remember lots of things.

Long Duk Dong: Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie.
Mike Baker: It's a quiche.
Long Duk Dong: How do you spell?
Grandpa Fred: Well you don't spell it, son, you eat it. [laughs]

Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?
Randy: That's a cheerful thought.

The Geek: How's it going?
Samantha: How's what going?
The Geek: You know - things, life, whatnot.
Samantha: Life is not whatnot, and it's none of your business.
The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile.
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile.
The Geek: So, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.
Samantha: This is Farmer Fred.
The Geek: Ted.
Samantha: Oh, I'm sorry, Farmer Ted.
The Geek: I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman.
The Geek: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total faggot.
The Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question.
Randy: Geek, can I be honest with you?
The Geek: Not if you're gonna insult me.
Randy: [laughs] Ok.
The Geek: Shoot.
Randy: Get the hell outta here.
The Geek: Nice ma- nice manners, babe!
Jimmy Montrose: She's totally serious ass-wipe.

The Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Samantha: No problem.
The Geek: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.

Jake: Yes, hello sir... Um
Howard: Are you the little bugger that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?
Jake: Would it be possible for you to tell me if there is a Samantha Baker there and if so may I converse with her briefly?
Howard: Yes there is and NO you may not.
Jake: Might I leave a message sir?
Howard: He wants to leave a message for Sam.

[Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head is on her ample chest]
Lumberjack: What's your last name?
Long Duk Dong: Dong.
Lumberjack: What's your first name?
Long Duk Dong: Long.
Lumberjack: What's your middle name?
Long Duk Dong: Duk.

The Geek: Jake, I gotta tell you. Samantha's very special. If you're just looking for a piece of ass, I'd either do it myself or get someone to kick your ass.
Jake: I can get a piece of ass any time I want. Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek: What are you waiting for?
Jake: I don't know.

The Geek: Jake I'm only a freshman.
Jake: So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
The Geek: Jake I don't have a car.
Jake: You can take mine.
The Geek: Jake I don't have a license.
Jake: I trust you.
The Geek: This is your car?!
Jake: You said you can't drive stick. This is my dad's car.
The Geek: This...this is a Rolls Royce, Jake!
Jake: Yeah.
The Geek: I heard the grill costs $5,000 alone. Do you have $5,000? 'Cause I don't.
Jake: Well, just don't hit anything.
The Geek: Don't hit anything he says.
The Geek: Jake is your dad a big guy?
Jake: Oh, about 6'4"
The Geek: Very nice

[Caroline is very drunk]
Caroline: [Looking at The Geek] Who's he?
Jake: That's me.
Caroline: Who are you?
Jake: I'm him.
Caroline: Oh, ok. [passes out]
Jake: [laughs] She's totally gone. Have fun.
[Caroline has stuffed pills into The Geek's mouth]
The Geek: Oh thank you. Thanks.
Caroline: [Laughs] Now we're both on the pill.
The Geek: What?
[Spits the pills out]
The Geek: Do you have any idea what they can do to a guy my age?
Caroline: I know exactly what they can do to a girl my age.

Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike is a dork.

[Long Duk Dong is lying on the ground outside the Baker's house]
Grandpa Fred: Hey Howard, there's your Chinaman.
Howard: Thanks Fred.
Howard: Dong. Where is my automobile?
Long Duk Dong: [Laughs] Oto-mo-biiile?

Randy: My brother paid a dollar last night to see your underwear.

[Caroline nudges The Geek, who is sleeping]
The Geek: Mom, I'm wearing my headgear!
Caroline: Oh wake up!
The Geek: Where the hell am I?
Caroline: I'll, uh, tell you where you are if you tell me who you are.
The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You're in the parking lot across from my church.
The Geek: You own a church?

The Geek: Did we, uh...?
Caroline: Yeah. I'm pretty sure.
The Geek: Excuse me, but uh, did I enjoy it? [she gives him a look] Um, what am I saying? Of course I enjoyed it. Did, uh, did you?
Caroline: You know, I have this weird feeling I did.
Caroline: And you know the best part? It was waking up in your arms.
The Geek: These arms? [she nods]
[They kiss]

Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
Jake: Thanks for coming over.
Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake: Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true. [They kiss]


  • It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime.
  • When you're just sixteen anything can happen!


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