South Park/Season 7

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Do you want my one-word secret of happiness—It's growth—mental, financial, you name it.
Harold S. Geneen
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Krazy Kripples [7.2]

Jimmy: Look! My gang, which I can't talk about because it's super secret, is the most important thing to me now! And if you two don't like it, you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on your left.
A reporter on TV:"...if irony were made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now."

Toilet Paper [7.3]

Grocery Clerk: Hey, hey… now you kids be careful with this chewing gum, don't go sticking it under tables.

Grocery Clerk: You know, son, I remember you coming in last week and buying this much toilet paper.
Cartman: Oh yeah, that's right.
Grocery Clerk: Toilet paper, toilet paper...
Kyle: You TP'd a house last week, Cartman?
Cartman: No, last Thursday night was Fajitas night.
Kyle: Oh… Awww!

Kyle: Ow! What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
Cartman: I'm killing you. Unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so this may take a while.

Josh: Tell me something first. When you went to the academy you had something to prove—you wanted to protect and serve but mostly you just wanted to protect yourself. Who were you protecting yourself from, Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Alright! Alright! My uncle Charles used to hit me with a belt!

Josh: Your uncle who hit you with a belt, was he a large man?
Officer Barbrady: I don't have time for this, kid.
Josh: Did he stink like beer when he came home from work, all tired from playin' down at the pool house?
Officer Barbrady: All right, all right! My dad dressed me up like a little girl on poker nights and made me sit on all my uncles' laps!! [breaks down into sobs]
Josh: [in a normal voice] ...Whoa. Er...oh. Thank you.

Principal Victoria: Will you people stop barging into my office, please?
Josh: What's the matter Principal Victoria? Was your mother abusive? Did she spank your thighs with cold cuts and stick umbrellas up your ass?

Josh: Ah, Policeman Brown. Never quite made Officer. Why is that, Policeman Brown?

Stan: You'd better go over our story again so we don't screw it up
Cartman: Okay, last night all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30 at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy the goth chick from The Breakfast Club who was bowling in the lane next to us when we asked her for her autograph but she didn't have a pen so we followed her out to her car but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45 at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Ranchas des Fritas Rojes South of Castle Rock and finally got a ride home from a man who was missing his left index finger named Gary Bushwell arriving home at 11:46.
Kyle: I'm confused; did Ally Sheedy take the personality test?
Stan: Yes, dude!

Cancelled [7.4]

All:[singing] School Days, School Days, Teachers Golden Rule Da-
[Ike hops onscreen.]
Kyle: Aw, damn it!
Stan: What?
Kyle: My god damn brother is trying to follow me to school again!
Ike: Suck my balls.
Kyle: No Ike, you can't come to school with me.
Cartman: Yeah, go home, you little dildo!
Kyle: Dude, for the last time, don't call my brother a dildo!
Cartman: Alright, go home, you little semen-puking arsehole dick head.
[Stan, Kenny and Cartman laugh.]
[Kyle picks up Ike and hits Cartman.]
Stan: Dude! Sweet!
Kyle: Yeah. Check it out! Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Ike: Don't kick the god damn baby!
Kyle: Kick it!
[Kyle kicks Ike.]

Najix: Well, you don't think the whole universe works the way Earth does, do you? No! One species, one planet! There's a planet of deer, a planet of Asians, and so on! We put them all together on Earth and the whole universe tunes in to watch the fun!

Joozian 2: You've made it to a hundred episodes, you should be proud!
Joozian 1: Yeah, a show should never go past a hundred episodes, or else it starts to get stale with ridiculously stupid plotlines and settings.

Stan: Dude, I have no idea what we're seeing right now, but I have a feeling it's really, really wrong.

Joozian 1: Oh man, I can't believe I sucked your jagon.
Joozian 2: Oh God, we did suck each others jagons!

Chef: He's a doctor who specializes in your arsehole, children.
Stan: You mean, at one point in this guy's life, he decided he wanted to work up people's butt holes?
Chef: That's right!
Kyle: What a dick!

Fat Butt and Pancake Head [7.5]

Jennifer Lopez: How the fuck did I end up working at a La Taco?! I had six platinum records and starred in five Hollywood movies!
Mexican Guy: Yeah, me too.

Record Dude: She's from Mexico, just like you.
Jennifer Lopez: I ain't from no Mexico! I'm Puerto Rican!

Cartman: Mom-m-m, Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!

Cartman: Repeat after me, Jennifer Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: Hennifer Lopez.
Cartman: No no, J--
Ms. Lopez: Hey.

Cartman (as Jennifer Lopez): You can suck my culo, chica!

Cartman (as Jennifer Lopez): Hola, bichola!

Cartman (as Jennifer Lopez): Ben! You bought me roses!
Ben Affleck: Jenny, oh Jenny, I just can't stop thinking about you.
Cartman (as Jennifer Lopez): I can't stop thinking about you either Ben!
Ben Affleck: I've been meaning to write a song or a poem, but I have no talent.

Kyle: Cartman, who in the world is Mitch Conner?
Cartman: Look, I don't care what you guys believe. But with all the crazy stuff that goes on in this town, isn't it possible, just possible, that something I don't understand happened here?
Kyle: All right, all right. I guess it's kind of possible--
Cartman: Ha ha ha! I got you, kind of! I got you, kind of!

Lil' Crime Stoppers [7.6]

[the boys unsuccessfully tried to bust men at a meth lab; the men kill themseves and a lot of damage has been done]
Lt. Dawson: One UPS vehicle valued at twenty-five thousand dollars, one civilian vehicle valued at sixteen thousand, the second floor of the post office and a coffee shop valued at sixteen thousand! The mayor's gonna have my ass!
Stan: Uh, sir, we just kinda got blind-sided by the--
Dawson: You got careless! Now, I don't know how they do things down at that dog-and-pony show they call the fourth grade, but here, we have rules! Jesus, we don't have guys to question now, because you killed them all!
Kyle: We're sorry.
Dawson: One more slip-up like that and I'll have your badges! You hear me?! Now hit the showers!

[the boys are in the locker room, preparing to shower. Four guys, who appear to be cops themselves, are also changing their clothes]
Officer Murphy: Well, well, well, if it isn't the super cops.
[The officers begin to giggle]
Officer Jenkins: Hey, Murphy, think they'll let me borrow their G.I. Joes?
Officer Hopkins: Come on, you guys. Leave them alone.
Officer Murphy: Relax, Hopkins! (He removes his briefs and drops them to the ground) All fun and games, right? (He moves to the end of the lockers and hides behind it, only to peek out) So, tell us, rookies, you, uh, find yourself a little bonus in that house?
Cartman: Uh, bonus?
Murphy: Come on, we all skim a little off the top. Oh, or are you too good for that? (He walks back to the other officers) So you think you're gonna waltz in here and clean up the system. Is that it?
Stan: [softly] We just wanna be junior detectives.
Murphy: Look, we all work hard! And we deserve more than the thirty-thousand a year we get paid! So what if we take in a little on the side?
Officer Jenkins: Yeah! Who the hell are you to say that?!
Officer Hopkins: I said, back off, Murphy!
Officer Murphy: Why don't you and your rookie friends make us?
Officer Jenkins: That's right. Come on, bring it!
Officer 3: Yeah, let's go! Come on, bring it!
Lt. Dawson: What the hell is the problem here?!
Officer Murphy: No problem, sir. No problem at all.
Dawson: Then hit the showers, all of ya!

Red Man's Greed [7.7]

Randy: Stanley, listen to me . I have SARS. There's only a 98% percent chance that I will live.
Stan: No Dad, No!
Randy: Listen Stan! SARS is destroying our people. The Native Americans put it in the blankets they gave us. Soon there will be only 98% of us left.

Randy: The spirit of middle-class white people is strong in you, son.

Randy: There's more to life than profits.
Indian Chief: Really, Like what?
Randy: You know, like Slurpees and stuff.

Randy: Ah women. God I hate them.

Cartman: Man, Indians have it good, huh?
Randy: Now Eric, they're called Native Americans, remember? Show some respect.

South Park Is Gay! [7.8]

Cartman: Oh please, Craig, we're 10 times gayer than you are!

Cartman: Look, guys. A lot of the kids in school are talking and they are spreading rumors that we're not metro-sexuals because we hang out with Kyle.
Stan: Well what can we do about it?
Cartman: We have no choice guys. We're just going to have to kill Kyle.

Mr. Garrison:Eric, you're not half bi.
Cartman: I'm like a quarter bi. My grandpa was bi so that makes me a quarter bi.
Mr. Garrison: What?!

Mr. Garrison: Mr. Tweek, why don't we go back to my place.
Mr. Tweek: Why?
Mr. Garrison: Well, you know. I was just thinking we could put on some music and watch videos and pound Mr. Slave's tight little ass.
Mr. Slave: Oooh. Jesus Christ!
Mr. Tweek: Whoa! Goodness no. I'm straight.
Mr. Garrison: Straight? What the hell is going on here? Why won't anybody pound Mr. Slave's butt?
Randy: Well, we don't 'pound butt', Mr. Garrison, we're straight.
Mr. Garrison: Those pants and those shoes say you pound butt!
Jimbo: Hey, now that's not true. My shoes don't say I pound butt.
Mr. Garrison: No, your shoes say you take it in the butt!

Mr. Garrison: Chef, what did you do when white people stole your culture?
Chef: Oh, well, we black people just always tried to stay out in front of them.
Mr. Slave: How did you do that?
Chef: Well, like with our slang. Black people always used to say, "I'm in the house" instead of "I'm here." But then white people all started to say "in the house" so we switched it to "in the hizzouse." Hizzouse became hizzizzouse, and then white folk started saying that, and we had to change it to hizzie, then "in the hizzle" which we had to change to "hizzle fo shizzle," and now, because white people say "hizzle fo shizzle," we have to say "flippity floppity floop."
Mr. Garrison: We don't have time for all that, Chef! Oh, if only those Queer Eye For the Straight Guy people understood what they were doing. Wait. That's it! I know exactly what to do! Come on, Mr. Slave! Let's get back to our flippity floppity floop.
Chef: Oh no! Damn it! Don't call it that!

Crab People: We are the Crab People!
Mr. Slave: Jesus Christ!

All Crab People: Crab People! Crab People!
Crab Person: Taste like crab, talk like people.
All Crab People: Crab People! Crab People!

Cartman, Stan, Kenny:We're here! We're not queer! But we're close! Get use to it!

Christian Rock Hard [7.9]

Stan: You don't know anything about Christianity, Cartman!
Cartman: I know enough to exploit it.

Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You're black, you can play bass.
Token: I'm gettin' sick of your stereotypes.
Cartman: Be as sick as you want, just gimme a god damn bass line.
Token: (Playing a bass melody) God damn it.

Cartman: Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.

Sergeant Yates: Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes before he acts selfishly or else--I fear--recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.

Cartman: [singing]
Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go
My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door
I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just shut off the lights

Cartman: [singing]
I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus
I wanna feel his salvation all over my face

TV Reporter: When asked if MOOP's strike will stop them from illegaly downloading music, 1% said "yes". 2% said "no". And, 97% said "Who the hell is MOOP?" Back to you, Tom.

Cartman: Oh, fuck Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams]
Butters: Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Token: Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Cartman: Who fucking cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: FUCK JESUS!! [people start to scream and run away]
Man: My ears are bleeding!
Token: Good job, dick head, you've lost the entire audience!!
Cartman: Oh, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!!!

[Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]

Stan: Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]
Butters: [pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric! [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone]

Gerald: The answer is no, Kyle.
Kyle: Oh, come on, dad, stop being such a Jew!
Sheila: Kyle! Don't belittle your own people.

Randy: Stan, are you okay?
Stan: Yeah dad, we're just rehearsing our band.
Randy: Ohh. I thought a group of Vietnamese people were getting their intestines pulled out through their mouths. *closes door*

Grey Dawn [7.10]

Stan: I think old people should have rights, grandpa. I just don't want to die.

Randy: Oh, brother. Good job, dad. Look at you now.
Grandpa Marsh: Oh, goddammit! Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch!
Randy: You just had to be so damn stubborn, didn't you?
Grandpa Marsh: Now my son is gonna talk to me like I'm 12!
Randy: We're not treating you like children, Dad, alright. Now I think you owe Mr. Police Officer an apology. Who needs to apologize, hmmm? Who's a Sorry Sorry?
Grandpa Marsh: Kiss my sagging ass!

Cartman: The poor kid passes it to the Jew, the Jew shoots. He misses! Proving once and for all that Jews cannot play hockey!
Kyle: It's not fair! Cartman's fatter than the goal!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.

Stan: Dad, why is everyone letting the old people do this? Why doesn't somebody stop them?
Randy: They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they ... get everything done before everyone else is even awake.
Kyle: They're saying something about taking over the whole country!
Randy: Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.
Stan: No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?
Randy: No, son, we... like to sleep in.

Casa Bonita [7.11]

Kyle: You guys! I have awesome news!
Cartman: You have AIDS?

Kyle: It's like the Disneyland of Mexican restaurants!

Stan: Dude, it's Kyle's birthday, we should do whatever he wants to do.
Cartman: What? Fuck Kyle!

Butters: But Eric, how am I supposed to re-populate the Earth?
Cartman: You know like, with your weiner.


  • Cartman comes to Kyle's house dressed in a nice sweater*
Kyle: That isn't it, Cartman.
Cartman: What isn't it?
Kyle: That isn't being nice, that's just putting on a nice sweater.
Cartman: I don't understand the difference.
Kyle: I know you don't.
  • Kyle closes the door*

Kyle: At least he (Butters) doesn't rip on me for being a jew
Cartman: When have i ever rip on you for being a Jew?

*Flashbacks clips occur from when Cartman "rips" on Kyle for being Jewish

Cartman: Okay, except may'be for that one time.

Police Officer: Well kid you made an entire town panic, you lost all of your friends and now you're going to Juvenile Hall for a week. Was it all worth it?
Cartman:...Totally

All About the Mormons? [7.12]

Mr. Garrison: Wow, it seems like I don't have a class full of retards anymore, doesn't it, children?

Kyle: Dude, that new kid is such a douche.
Cartman: Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
Butters: He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
Cartman: Go kick his ass, Stan!
Clyde: Yeah, go kick his ass.
Stan: (unsure) W—maybe he won't fight.
Cartman: Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Kyle: Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that fuckin' smirk off his face.
Craig: Yeah, little bitch!
Stan: Alright, I'm gonna go kick his ass.
[Stan leaves to do so.]
Cartman: Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! …alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?

Cartman: You were supposed to kick his ass, not lick his butthole!

Gary's sister: And you must be Stan's sister! Oh, I think your brother's the greatest!
Shelley: My brother is a stupid turd!

Gary: Hey, Stan.
Stan: Oh, brother.
Cartman: Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!
Gary: Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.
Stan: ...I don't?
Gary: Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
[Gary leaves. Stan just stands and stares in shock at what just happened.]
Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?

Randy: Let me handle this, Sharon. You gotta put these cult people in their place or else they never stop! I'm gonna go kick this Mr. Harrison's ass! [exits and slams the door shut, but quickly returns] Is Mr. Harrison... is a... Is a white guy, right?

Butt Out [7.13]

Cartman: He just goes around imposing his will on people, he's my idol.

Cartman: Handle it? For two billion dollars I'd handle my grandpa's balls, dude.

Cartman: Wow, it's like smoking brings a lot of people just a little bit of joy, and you get to take that away from them! You're awesome.

Factory Worker 1 (singing): I like to have a cigarette every now and then. It makes me feel calmer when the day is at an end.
Factory Worker 2 singing): And if it gives me cancer when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anyway?

Rob Reiner: I'm not Rita Poon, I'm Rob Reiner. And you've just been Reiner'd!

Raisins [7.14]

Bebe: Wendy breaks up.
Stan: What?
Bebe: Wendy breaks up with you.
Stan: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! What did I do wrong? I haven't even talked to Wendy for weeks!

Bebe: Whatever! You guys are assholes!
Butters: At least we have assholes you dumb girl!

Jimmy: Stan told me to tell you he thinks you're a cont…cont…cont…, you're a cont, cont, cont... [sounding like cunt]
Wendy: Well tell Stan to fuck off!
[Wendy leaves.]
Jimmy: Cont…continuing source of inspiration to him.



Butters: Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.

Goth Kid: You can't be a non-conformist if you don't drink coffee.

Goth Kid: If you want to be a non-conformist, you have to look like us, think like us, and listen to the same music we do.

Butters: I love life...Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like...It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

Stan: Hey, Wendy! You're a bitch. Token, [flips him off] right here, buddy.
[Token and Wendy walk off angrily]
Kyle: Oh, dude. It's,It's good to have you back.
Stan: Yeah, let's play ball.

It's Christmas in Canada [7.15]

Harry Gints: My name is Harry Gints and this is my wife Elise. We're from Canada.
Gerald Broflovski: Yes, I can tell.

Harry Gints: It was a tough time for us. It was a tough time for all of Canada. The whole country was devastated by the cola wars...

Harry Gints: [referring to Ike] We're going to take good care of him.
Kyle: [dangerously] You'd better.

Cartman: Kyle, I just want you to know, if it were any other time of year, I still wouldn't help you.

Mr. Garrison: How 'bout we get rid of all the Mexicans.
Mayor McDaniels: Mr. Garrison, every Christmas you suggest we get rid of all the Mexicans, and every Christmas we tell you, "No!"
Mr. Garrison: Rats!

Cartman: [to Kyle] You fucking asshole! This is all your fault!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Everyone's gonna be charitable, and give money to your family instead of buying Christmas presents! You fucking Jews ruined Christmas again! [he screams and charges Kyle]

Kyle: We wanna go to Canada.
Mr. Tuong: Canada, eh? It's gonna be a rotta money! How many people?
Kyle: Four.
Mr. Tuong: OK. (Under his breath) Canada.... Four people.... Cost a rotta money.... (normal) It's gonna be 6,500 dorrer!
Kyle: How about 50 dorrer?
Mr. Tuong: Fifty dorrer?! It should be at least three thousand dorrar!
Kyle: 55 dorrer?
Mr. Tuong: I'm not sending anyone to Canada for anything less that 1,000 dorrer!
Kyle: 60 dorrer?
Mr. Tuong: 62 dorrer?
Kyle: I'll take it!
Mr. Tuang: [slight pause] Heh heh heh. Never try to barter with a Chinese man!

Mr. Twong: Hello, welcome Shitty Airline!
Cartman: Oh no, no, no, no, I am not flying in that thing.
Kenny: [muffled] Me neither.
Kyle: Why not?!
Kenny: [muffled] 'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!
Kyle: You're not gonna die Kenny, don't be stupid!
Cartman: You guys get Ike. Kenny and I will stay here and watch the fort.
Stan: No, you're both coming. Do you care about Christmas or not?
Cartman: Of course I care about Christmas! Oh, Christ on a stick!

Kyle: All right! We're going to Canada!
Cartman: Weak.

Mr. Twong: Herro from the cockpit, this is your captain speaking. As you can see, it appears that we are going down. Now would be a good time to refrect on your life, and pray to whatever deity you believe in. Thank you for flying Shitty Airlines. We know you have a choice in airlines, and it rooks rike you made the wrong one.

Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Alright boys, prepare yourselves. We're about to enter French Canada.
Kyle: French Canada?
French Canadians [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! The other Canada is hardly Canada; if you lived here for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: Oh, ha ha! Welcome to French Canada!
Hockey Player: We have everything your heart could desire! Trapezes, trampolines, and lots and lots of cheese!
Artist: Would you like a mustache?
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians are a little odd.
Stan: Uh, we're just passing through to see the new Prime Minister.
Mime: Well first, you must answer that phone. [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: We don't have time for this.
Mime: You cannot pass through French Canada unless you take that phone call! [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle: [grudgingly playing along] Hello.
Mime: Hello! If you are going to see the new Prime Minister, then I want to go with you! He has passed a new law forbidding us French Canadians to drink wine!
Artist: How can the French not drink wine?! Travestie!
Kyle: Okay, you can come with us.
Mime: Ha ha, very good! Let us make haste!
French Canadians [singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! And the other Canada--
Mime: --is a bullshit Canada!
French Canadians [singing] If you lived there for a day, you'd understand!
Mime: I think you'd understand. You understand.

[Scott appears suddenly]
Scott: Hey, what are you doing?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: [screaming] Argh!
Mime: Oh no! It's Scott!
Scott: What are you two doing helping these Americans? Don't you know America thinks it owns Canada along with the rest of the world?!
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: You're a dick, Scott!

Kyle: God damnit, we need to get to the new Prime Minister, now!
Steve the Newfoundlander: Oh yeah, the new Prime Minister, eh? He sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland. Life just hasn't been the same since he made sodomy illegal.

Kyle: Can we just get going please?
Steve the Newfoundlander:Yeah sure, there's just one problem.
Stan: What?
Steve the Newfoundlander:You folks is going the wrong way.
Stan: What?! But I thought there was only one road in Canada!
Steve the Newfoundlander:Yeah, and you all went the wrong direction on it.
Stan: Oh, that's right! Ottawa is that way!
Mime: Of course! Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!

Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: It's okay, boys. The power is inside us to get to Ottawa! We can wish ourselves there!
Mime: Ah yes! Lets wish ourselves there!
[harps and angelic choir music is heard]
Rick, the Proud Canadian Mountie: Is it working?

Steve the Newfoundlander: Of course, we could always take me boat, aye.

Saddam Hussein: [acting as the Prime Minister of Canada] Uh, don't mind that guy hiding in the spider hole, he's just my friend.

Saddam Hussein: Uh, don't shoot! I want to negotiate! Hey, relax!

Cartman: Yeah, you got your little brother back, but I didn't get any presents! And what did I tell you? (takes off his mittens) I told you if we missed Christmas that we were gonna get it on, didn't I? (takes off his coat, bunches it up, and throws it aside.)
Kyle: Dude, come on.
Cartman: Well now you're gonna get it, motherfucker! That's right, you and me, right now; we're having it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on! (Kyle lightly slaps Cartman, causing him to enter a daze, he snaps out of it and starts crying) Wa-a-a-a-a-a-hhhh! Waaa-a-a-a-a-hh! Mo-o-o-o-o-m! Mo-o-o-o-o-m!!