Spoon

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Spoon!!!

Spoon, a term for an eating utensil that is considered an inherently funny word, has been featured in many quotations.

Humorous quotations

  • Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.
  • Sheriff of Nottingham: Locksley! I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon.
    Guy of Gisbourne: Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?
    Sheriff of Nottingham: Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more.
    • Dialogue in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
  • Do you know that's the third spoon I've heard drop this month?
  • I think I have a plan here: using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild.
  • I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
  • Check it out, Guys. I got a Springfield spoon for my spoon collection... if it weren't for my spoons, I'd probably go insane.
  • Australian: "You call that a knife? This is a knife!" Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon." Australian: "Alright, alright, you win. I see you've played knifey-spoony before." - The Simpsons
  • SPooooooooooooooN-GUARD
    • More a quote about 'Spoonguard' than Spoons as such, this features in an animation on Rathergood.com
  • There is no spoon
    • In response to the somewhat grisly death of Private Witherspoon [Dog Soldiers]
  • You there! What the hell is this?
  • You spoony bard!
    • Tellah, FFIV
  • Just when i thought things couldn't get any better... he spooned me.
    • Carrie, Sex and the City
  • A spoon, it says, is about the most massively useful thing any follower of the Bowl-Shaped Octopus religion can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can use it as a make-shift crowbar to prize off anything useful you happen to find lying on a wall; you can dig with it; so that you might find some sort of magical items only found once you've dug up some earth ,you can use it as an offensive weapon on practically anyone as no one ever believes that a spoon is a dangerous weapon before they themselves have felt it; use it to paddle down a river whilst sailing in a mini raft down the river shuttle (that incidentally joins the river cray); shine it up and use as a beaccon with which you can send morse code; place it on your head so that you can see behind you or to avoid the gaze of the Mamy (a mindboggingly perilous animal, it was once an angel in the Order of the Bowl-Shaped Octopus religion but was highly offended at nearly being eaten - holds grudges, but this only makes it even more ravenous); you can use it as a hand mirror to inspect yourself, and of course eat with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a spoon has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a cloud-lover (cloud-lover: someone who loves clouds and isn't knowledgeable enough to know something is up with them) discovers that a devout follower of the Bowl-Shaped Octopus has his spoon with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of an imagination, rubber chicken, assortment of money, keys that go to nothing, souls, oyster card, map drawn in crayon, crayon, metal strips, wood stick, paper and pencil etc, etc. Furthermore, the cloud-lover will then happily lend the follower of the Bowl-Shaped Octopus any of these or a dozen other items that the follower of the Bowl-Shaped Octopus might accidentally have "lost". What the cloud-lover will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the his mind, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his spoon is is clearly a man who you might want to allow rest.

    • Crouchie Atlas, Jefferson Steelflex

Not-humorous quotations

There is no spoon.
  • They'll eat their words with a fork and spoon, and watch 'em! They'll hit the road and all be surfin' soon.


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