Stargate Atlantis

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Every time I look into the eyes of an animal I see life; the force of life and the beauty of creation
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Stargate Atlantis is a science-fiction TV series that premiered on the US Sci Fi Channel on July 16, 2004.

Contents

Season 1

Rising, Part I [1.01]

[John confronts Carson about the weapon that nearly shot him and Jack O'Neill out of the sky on their way to the Antarctic outpost]
Maj. John Sheppard: What the heck was that thing anyway?
Dr. Beckett: You mean the drone? The weapon the Ancients built to defend this outpost.
Maj. Sheppard: [clueless] The who?
Dr. Beckett: [glaring at John suspiciously] You do have security clearance to be down here?
Maj. Sheppard: Yeah, General O'Neill just gave it to me.
Dr. Beckett: So you don't even know about the Stargate?
Maj. Sheppard: [confused] The what?

Gen. O'Neill: Lemme ask you something. Why'd you become a pilot?
Maj. Sheppard: I think people who don't want to fly are crazy.
Gen. O'Neill: Well, I think people who don't want to go through the Stargate are equally as whacked.

[O'Neill and Jackson watch the Atlantis team depart]
Dr. Jackson: Jack, it's not too late for me to—
Gen. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: I-I-I could just grab my—
Gen. O'Neill: No.
Dr. Jackson: [quietly] —kit...

[McKay has begun dialing an address]
Dr. McKay: Chevron one encoded.
Dr. Weir: Rodney.
Dr. McKay: Hmm? [realizes] Fine. [dials the rest of the address]

Teyla: We do not trade with strangers.
Col. Sumner: Is that a fact?
Maj. Sheppard: Well, we'll just have to get to know each other a little better. I like Ferris wheels, Monday night football, and anything that goes more than 200 miles per hour.
Lt. Ford: Sir, that's not going to mean anything to them.
Maj. Sheppard: I'm just trying to break the ice here, feel free to jump in at any time.

Rising, Part 2 [1.02]

Lt. Ford: Gateship One, ready to go.
Maj. Sheppard: Gateship One? A little Puddle Jumper like this?
Lt. Ford: It's a ship, it goes through a gate. Gateship One!
Maj. Sheppard: Oh, no, no, no, that's all wrong.
Lt. Ford: Dr. McKay thought it was cool.
Maj. Sheppard: Oh, okay, well, it's official... You don't get to name anything. Ever.

[In the puddle jumper, a heads-up display appears out of nowhere.]
Lt. Ford: Did you do that?
Maj. Sheppard: I-I was just wondering where we go from here.
Lt. Ford:I'll take that as a yes. So how do we find them once we land?
Maj. Sheppard: Well, I've been thinking about that, too.
[A nearby compartment opens up and dispenses a life signs detector. Sheppard tucks it into his vest.]:
Maj. Sheppard: Now I'm thinking about a nice turkey sandwich.
[Ford and Sheppard look around expectantly. Nothing happens.]:
Lt. Ford: Worth a try.

Col. Sumner: Go to hell.
Wraith: Earth first.

[about John and Teyla's exchange]
Dr. Beckett: [wistfully] How come I never make friends like that?
Dr. McKay: You really need to get out more.
Dr. Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

Hide and Seek [1.03]

[Beckett is explaining that his innoculation uses a mouse retrovirus]
Dr. McKay: Well, are there any side-effects?
Dr. Beckett: Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run on a small wheel...

[Weir interrupts McKay and Sheppard "testing" an Ancient shield]
Dr. Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
Dr. McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Maj. Sheppard: [proudly] I shot him. [Dr. Weir gives him a stern look] In the leg!
Dr. McKay: I'm invulnerable!
Dr. Weir: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
Dr. McKay: [sing-song] IN - VUL - NER - ABLE!

Dr. Weir: I wouldn't have though you believed in ghosts.
Dr. McKay: I never used to, then I heard about things called Wraiths that can suck the life out of you with their hands. [raises hand] What the hell is that?!

Dr. Beckett: He fainted.
Dr. McKay: Oh, there's got to be a better word.
Dr. Beckett: "Faint" is the proper medical term.
Dr. McKay: [defensively] I passed out from... manly hunger.
Maj. Sheppard: Well, hang in there. [over radio] Dr. Weir, this is Sheppard. McKay's okay. [smirks] He, uh, fainted.
[Beckett grins]
Dr. McKay: Oh yeah, that's very sympathetic. Let's all mock the dying man!

[about the transporter]
Maj. Sheppard: Apparently it's also an elevator.
Dr. McKay: Really?
Dr. Weir: We can stop taking the stairs everywhere.
Dr. McKay: [sarcastically] Oh, how nice for you all.

38 Minutes [1.04]

Lt. Ford: Why'd you close the door?
Dr. McKay: So that when the Stargate shuts down and the forward section is severed, we're not directly exposed to space.
Lt. Ford: Will it hold?
Dr. McKay: Like a screen door on a submarine. I just prefer hypoxia to explosive decompression. It's a personal thing.

Dr. McKay: Oh, I apologise for being the only person who truely comprehends how screwed we are!
Maj. Sheppard: Don't talk to me about screwed! And let's not give up on Markham and Stackhouse either. There's plenty of time to solve this thing, but you've got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain!
Dr. McKay: I'm sorry. It's just, um, I react to certain doom a certain way.

Dr. Kavanagh: I happily left the SGC. because I had had it up to here with the military running things; and you just busted me like a private.
Dr. Weir: Don't be so dramatic. Besides, the Air Force doesn't have privates.
Dr. Kavanagh: Neither do I. You just cut them off. Right in front of my research team.
Dr. Weir: That's what this is about? You're embarrassed?
Dr. Kavanagh: Well, humiliated would be a little more accurate.
Dr. Weir: I haven't worked up to humiliation yet.

Suspicion [1.05]

Dr. McKay: How could I possibly know that? What am I, Answer Man?

[Rodney has one foot on the conference room table and is massaging it through his sock]
Maj. Sheppard: [Looking on in distaste] Could you please not do that here?
Dr. McKay: My foot is still numb, if you'll excuse me.
Maj. Sheppard: Well at least your mouth still works fine.

Dr. McKay: There's a command subroutine I've never seen before.
Dr. Zelenka: What is its function?
Dr. McKay: [exasperated]I don't know, because I've never seen it before!

"Steve" the Wraith: When I am free, you will be the first that I feed upon.
Maj. Sheppard: [casually] Okie dokie. I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich.

Childhood's End [1.06]

[the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field]
Maj. Sheppard: You think it's worth checking out?
Dr. McKay: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilization.
Maj. Sheppard: So... you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. McKay: [sarcastic] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.
[the ship begins to shake violently]
Dr. McKay: [serious] Okay, maybe not.

Dr. McKay: What are we going to tell them, Teyla? "Listen, kiddies, everything you believe is wrong, and trust us because we've been here for-" [checks watch] "-almost an hour!"

Casta: You're mean!
Dr. McKay: Thank you for finally noticing.

Dr. Weir: Rodney! We can't just visit planets, take away their defences, uproot their cultures and bring ‘em all back here to Atlantis.
Dr. McKay: If they have a ZedPM, yes we can.
Dr. Weir: Oh my God! How morally superior you must feel!

Poisoning the Well [1.07]

Dr. McKay: C'mon, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?
Dr. Beckett: I was already on an alien planet!

Dr. McKay: No, no, no, no, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.
Maj. Sheppard: He's worse than Dr. McCoy.
Teyla: Who?
Maj. Sheppard: The TV character that Dr. Beckett plays in real life.

Dr. Weir: You do understand the Geneva Convention prohibits using prisoners for scientific experiments?
Maj. Sheppard: No offense, doc, but had the Wraith attended the Geneva Convention, they would have tried to feed on everyone there.

Dr. Beckett: "Victory at all costs." That sound familiar, Major?
Maj. Sheppard: Churchill.
Dr. Beckett: Aye. Never thought I'd disagree.

Underground [1.08]

Dr. McKay: You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground hatches locked…

Maj. Sheppard: Look, what you people do with your C4 is none of our business. We just need food. As far as your little secret down here goes…well, uh…
Dr. McKay: We say, "What giant underground bunker?"

Dr. McKay: You do realise that long term exposure to these levels of radiation is extremely dangerous?
Cowen: Our scientists tell me otherwise.
Dr. McKay: Well, they're wrong.
Maj. Sheppard: [nervously] Are we in danger now?
Dr. McKay: Oh, it would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation -- but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?
Cowen: Many of our people have spent their entire lives here.
Dr. McKay: Their entire short lives. [To John] We'll be fine - just as long as you weren't planning on having children.

Dr. McKay: I built an atomic bomb for my grade six Science Fair exhibit.
Lt. Ford: They let you do that up in Canada?

Maj. Sheppard: But we have something they need and they have something we need, and I thought that's what negotiating was all about.
Dr. Weir: Oh, well, it is. Personally, I stop short of offering nuclear weapons.
Lt. Ford: They were building 'em anyways.

Home [1.09]

[Sheppard has figured out that his welcome-home party is just a figment of his imagination]
Maj. Sheppard: You guys have been dead for years. Now, don't get me wrong, it's really nice seeing you. [points to a middle-aged woman] You too, Miss Watson.
Lt. Ford: Sir—
Maj. Sheppard: [to Ford] She was my sixth grade teacher. [points to a young blonde] And I don't even remember your name, but I remember you wouldn't even date me!

Dr. McKay: It's like looking through a microscope at a cell culture and seeing a thousand dancing hamsters. It's impossible!
Dr. Weir: Rodney, you need to calm down.
Dr. McKay: No, no, what I need to do now is get very agitated because what I'm realizing is all this is a lie!

Dr. McKay: So none of this is real? [Truth dawns] The cute brunette, of course! I should have known! How do you go from, "You're a pig, but I like your cat," to "I missed you"?

Maj. Sheppard: The dead people were a dead giveaway.
Dr. McKay: Dead people? What were you doing?!

The Storm [1.10]

Lt. Ford: How could something as big as Atlantis just sink?
Maj. Sheppard: I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic were asking themselves the same question.

[The science team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time]
Dr. McKay: You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Dr. Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
Dr. McKay: I'm always like this.
Dr. Zelenka: My point exactly.

Dr. Weir: The city can handle that?
Dr. McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
Maj. Sheppard: Like "dinosaurs turned into birds" theoretically or "theory of relativity" theoretically?
Dr. McKay: [looks confused, since there is no "hierarchy" of theories] What? Um, somewhere between.

Maj. Sheppard: McKay will come up with something.
Dr. McKay: I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.
[Sheppard looks around]
Maj. Sheppard: Was anyone seriously thinking that?
[Weir, Teyla and the other scientist shake their heads 'No']
Lt. Ford: No sir.
Dr. Zelenka: Never.

Maj. Sheppard: Wait a second, are these things even close to a transporter?
Dr. McKay: Uh... yes. Elizabeth's is.
Maj. Sheppard: And mine?
Dr. McKay: It's a brisk walk away.
Maj. Sheppard: And by "brisk" you mean "far"?
Dr. McKay: [nods] And by "walk" I mean "run".

The Eye [1.11]

Dr. Weir: Well, find another problem with it! I—tell him that the power-loop interface isn't jiving with your walkabout! Something!
Dr. McKay: [incredulous] "Isn't jiving?!"
Dr. Weir: "You know what I mean."

Commander Kolya: You said this would work.
Dr. McKay: I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm an extremely arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work! [Kolya punches him]

Dr. Beckett: The dots don't tell us much about who's who. How do we know which one's the Major?
Lt. Ford: He'll be the dot getting rid of all the other dots.

Lt. Ford: Anything I see moving is gonna get shot.
Dr. Beckett: [concerned] So what if it's the Major?
Lt. Ford: Then he'll get hit with a Wraith Stunner instead of a P-90.
Dr. Beckett: What if he sees us first?
Lt. Ford: He'll probably hear you first.
Dr. Beckett: Are you telling me to shut up again?
Lt. Ford: Again.

Dr. Weir: Nice work, Rodney.
Dr. McKay: Did you ever doubt me?
Dr. Weir: Yes. Several times.

The Defiant One [1.12]

Maj. Sheppard: He's got my ship.
Dr. McKay: What are you, Captain Kirk!? What good's it gonna do him?

Maj. Sheppard: Try to fly this "baby" in a straight line.
Dr. McKay: I am flying in a straight line.
[HUD comes up, showing that the jumper is zig-zagging]
Maj. Sheppard: Not so much.
Dr. McKay: Well, in space, all motion is relative.

Maj. Sheppard: You need me to get off this planet! I'm the only one that can fly that ship!
Wraith: I will use your dead hands to operate its controls!

Maj. Sheppard: [into radio] Hey, you. Over here. On the ground: the radio.
[The Wraith turns to spot the radio lying next to him on the ground]
Wraith: [talking out loud] The days on this planet are long, but the nights are cold. Sooner or later, I will have you.
Maj. Sheppard: I can’t hear you threatening to suck the life out of me ‘til you hit the button on the radio.

Hot Zone [1.13]

[After Ford has managed to fail all his prime number guesses]
Dr. Zelenka: Lt. Ford, would you mind being the subject of research papers on statistical improbabilities?
Lt. Ford: Is this some sort of payback for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school?

[during combat training]
Teyla: You have not been practicing.
Maj. Sheppard: Yes I have.
Teyla: If this was really a fight -
Maj. Sheppard: If this was really a fight, I would have shot you by now.

[Major Sheppard is on his way in a Puddle Jumper to drop a naquadah generator converted into a bomb]
Dr. McKay: You'll only have 30 seconds to release it before it explodes, you need to get as far away as you can.
Maj. Sheppard: Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible. That's good advice, Rodney. Thanks.

Dr. Beckett: Just try to stay calm.
Lt. Ford: Calm?! You told me I have a million tiny robots running through my veins whose only purpose is to terrorize and kill me. You stay calm!

Sanctuary [1.14]

[after Chaya delivers the message that Athar cannot help Atlantis]
Dr. McKay: Well, I think we both knew what you were going to say long before you even went in there.
Chaya: [unhappy] We prayed for Athar's guidance.
Dr. McKay: And what did Athar say? You're hiding behind your religion to justify your complete and utter selfishness.
Maj. Sheppard: Rodney -
Dr. McKay: If Athar existed she would be ashamed of herself.

Chaya: What my people value most is spiritual knowledge. What can your culture provide in that regard?
Dr. Weir: Earth's people don't share a single Spiritual belief - we embrace a number of different religions and philosophies: Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam -
Maj. Sheppard: Hinduism ... Kwanzaa.

Dr. McKay: All I know is she's not who she's pretending to be.
Dr. Weir: You know this because…?
Dr. McKay: What, I'm not allowed to have intuition?
Dr. Weir: You? No.
Dr. McKay: Oh.

Dr. McKay: Word of caution? The whole "Captain Kirk" routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.
Maj. Sheppard: What routine?
Dr. McKay: The romancing of the alien priestess? It's very 1967 of you.

Before I Sleep [1.15]

[Beckett is told to rouse his (very) elderly patient]
Dr. Beckett: Ten thousand years… d'you expect her to dance a bloody jig?

Lt. Ford: Is time-travel possible?
Dr. McKay: Well, according to Einstein's General Theory of Relativity, there's nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you – you need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only through points in space, but time.
Maj. Sheppard: Not to mention a really nice De Lorean.
Dr. McKay: Don't even get me started on that movie!
Maj. Sheppard: I liked that movie!

Dr. McKay: The Puddle Jumper they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine; had to have an additional component built into it.
Maj. Sheppard: Flux capacitor!
Dr. McKay: ...Yeah.

Dr. McKay: I died?!
Alternate Weir: You never gave up trying, right until the end.
Dr. McKay: [shocked] Well, a man wonders how he would choose to go out, given such dire circumstances. Now I know.
Alternate Weir: Trying to save the lives of others.
Maj. Sheppard: [smug] But ultimately failing!

[upon learning that Alternate John died]
Dr. McKay: [smugly grinning] Ha! Ah, the bitter taste of ultimate failure, hmm?
Maj. Sheppard: Well, if you’d just figured out how to fix the damn shield in the first place, none of us would have died.
[Alternate Weir smiles at their bickering]
Dr. McKay: I did everything I could, including valiantly attempting to save your sorry ...

The Brotherhood [1.16]

Dr. McKay: Suddenly I feel so tired.
Allina: You're a scientist. Are you not used to this by now?
Dr. McKay: Ah, but my kind of science is the good kind of science. The kind you can do sitting on a chair or ... laying on a couch.

Allina: It's a layout of the Sudarian villages. The walls of this monastery have protected it for ten thousand years.
Dr. McKay: It's beautiful.
Allina: It is. [looks at him] And yet my eye is drawn elsewhere.
[Clueless and not getting the hint, Rodney looks around to see what she is referring to.]
Dr. McKay: Elsewhere?

Dr. McKay: [to John, Aiden and Teyla] I’m heading to bed.
Maj. Sheppard: Ah, which bed might that be?
Rodney: Huh, what?
Lt. Ford: Think Allina might have a little crush on you, Doc.
Dr. McKay: She does?
Teyla: It is very clear to us all.
Dr. McKay: It is?
Maj. Sheppard: To everyone but you, apparently.

Dr. Beckett: I can barely make it to the main land and back without crashing. For the last time, I'm a medical doctor, not a bloody fighter pilot!
[Reference to Star Trek 's Dr. McCoy and his line "I'm a doctor, not a..."]

Letters from Pegasus [1.17]

[Weir has just briefed Atlantis' scientists about the approaching Wraith fleet]
Dr. Weir: So, recommendations?
Dr. Beckett: Other than panic?
Dr. Weir: Other than panic.

[Ford is recording video messages of each expedition member to send home]
Dr. Beckett: What shall I say?
Lt. Ford: Uh…uh…"I miss you"? "I wish you were here"?
Dr. Beckett: I wish who was here?
Lt. Ford: I don't know. Who do you wish was here?
Dr. Beckett: Nobody! I wish I wasn't bloody here!

[Zelenka gives, in Czech, a poetic description of the rising of Atlantis]
Lt. Ford: You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?
Dr. Zelenka: Security clearance?

[Rodney's recording]
Dr. McKay: [adjusts hair] Right. And in five, four, three-
[he stops speaking and holds up two fingers to signify the “two” count, then folds his arms and looks serious.]
Dr. McKay: [dramatically] This is Doctor Rodney McKay speaking to you from my base of operations in the lost city of Atlantis, located deep within the Pegasus galaxy. I record this message on the eve of our darkest hour. As I speak, an alien armada of biblical proportions is on its way, bent - dare I say hellbent, in keeping with the metaphor – on our destruction. We will do our best to stave off their attack but I am afraid that defeat is all but inevitable. I, and the other members of my team, face the most horrific deaths imaginable, as our very lives are sucked from our chests in a, in a, horrific - Okay, uh, starting again.

The Gift [1.18]

Dr. Beckett: I ran every test I could on all of you from the get-go. Physiologically, you and your people are the same as we are. I have no explanation for any of your special super-powers.
Teyla I only have one power.
Dr. Beckett: I've seen you fight, my dear.

Maj. Sheppard You're saying Teyla is part Wraith?
Dr. Beckett: A very small part.
Dr. Weir: Which makes her about as different from us as you, because of the Ancient gene you possess.
Dr. McKay: Well, and some other things.

Dr. McKay: So you think this Wraith scientist was trying to make humans what, more tasty?
Dr. Weir: The log seems to indicate that he was looking for a way to make the feeding process more efficient.
Dr. McKay: But I thought you said they already had a number of genetic characteristics similar to humans.
Dr. Beckett: They do. But they're still much closer to the bug creature that attacked Major Sheppard than to us.
Maj. Sheppard: Hey! I thought we weren't going to mention that anymore.

Dr. Weir: Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in Pegasus galaxy -
Dr. McKay: [disbelief] Oh, you're kidding me!
Zelenka: Pay up.

The Siege, Part 1 [1.19]

Maj. Sheppard: You know that for a fact, Sergeant, or is your spidey sense just tingling?

Dr. McKay: I'm not sure I can fix this.
Dr. Grodin: You can fix anything.
Dr. McKay: Who told you that?
Dr. Grodin: You did. On several occasions.

"Bob" the Wraith: I will tell you this: no matter where you flee, we will find you. Just as surely as we will find Earth. And when we do, we shall feast!

Dr. Zelenka: Yes, well, that would certainly help – but I'm more concerned about the Ancient database – its ability to back up data. It's incredibly redundant.
Dr. Weir: 'Incredibly redundant'.
Dr. Zelenka: Yeah, that one never gets old. But seriously...

The Siege, Part 2 [1.20]

[The Wraith have used asteroids to detonate several mines prematurely.]
Dr. McKay: Your mines make one hell of a bang, Colonel, I'm sure the Wraith's ears are ringing.

Dr. McKay: Look, you show up here with your guns and your brush cuts, but when it comes to actually saving the city, you turn to the scientists. And every time, what you ask is impossible.
Col. Everett: When was the last time you slept, Doctor?
Dr. McKay: D-d-d-d…shut up, I have an idea

Lt. Ford: How about next time you can be the bait?
Maj. Sheppard: Yeah, next time. Maybe...

[Dr. McKay is trying to get a reluctant Dr. Beckett to sit in the Ancient chair]
Dr. McKay: It's out of drones; you couldn't do any damage if you wanted to, now SIT DOWN.


Season 2

The Siege, Part 3 [2.01]

Maj. Sheppard: I'm telling you we've got to send these guys a message. We are not like the Ancients, we're not gonna sit around and wait. If they don't back off, we have the capacity and the will to go kick their asses for a change.

Dr. Weir: Rodney, you can take the rest of the day off.
Dr. McKay: Oh. I am gonna curl up in bed with the largest sandwich I can find.
Teyla: Shall I just explain to the rest of the Wraith left on the base that you are unavailable to fight?

Col. Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
Dr. McKay: It's a city, not a yo-yo.

Dr. Weir: Ok, what are our options?
Dr. McKay: Let me see, we've got quick death, slow death, painful death, cold, lonely death...

The Intruder [2.02]

Hermiod: What are you doing?
Dr. McKay: I'm just checking something—I'm sure it is impossible.
[Types a command into a console. The numbers on the screen change to symbols]
Dr. McKay: Crap!
Hermiod: What did you do?
Dr. McKay: I just ran it through a translation program—it's Wraith.
[Hermiod looks at the screen, then at Dr. Mckay]
Hermiod: 'Crap' indeed.

[Lt. Col. Sheppard stares at Hermiod suspiciously]
Dr. McKay: Don't stare. He hates it when people stare.
Lt. Col Sheppard: [whispers] Am I the only one who thinks it's strange we're working with an alien?
Dr. McKay: Intergalactic hyper drive technology is kind of new to us, so we need his help.
Lt Col Sheppard: Is he supposed to be naked like that?

Lt. Col Sheppard: This is what I do when I'm having problems with my laptop. I turn it off, then I turn it on again.
Dr. Weir: I think it's a little more complicated than that.
Lt. Col Sheppard: I'm just saying— if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard Book of Computer Repair, we're getting desperate.

Runner [2.03]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Lorne, you get McKay.
Maj. Lorne: Lucky me...

Maj. Lorne: Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.
Dr McKay: Well, as a matter of fact I ...eh, wait a minute, why would you say that now?
Maj. Lorne: Something has to have kept Col. Sheppard from shooting you all this time.

[Dr. Beckett to Ronon Dex while operating on him in the open without sedative]
Dr. Beckett: Look, I just wanna say one last time: I really don't think this is a good idea. We're cutting very close to your spinal column here, if you're to flinch...
Ronon: I won't flinch.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: What the hell are you doing?!
Teyla: Getting my hand free.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Didn't feel that way!

Dr. McKay: You can't kill an unarmed, upside down man!

Duet [2.04]

Dr.Beckett: You have a date Rodney? With a woman?
Dr. McKay: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly— Yes, with a woman!

[Sparks fly from a downed Wraith dart, causing Dr. Zelenka to jump in terror]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: First time off world?
Dr. Zelenka: Yes.
Lt Col. Sheppard: Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now.
Dr. Zelenka: Really?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: If it makes you feel better.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Maybe there's something wrong with him an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean.
Dr McKay: I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: So he only looks crazy.
Dr. McKay: I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid here was in way over his head!
Dr. Zelenka: Yes! I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want to try and fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?
Dr. McKay: I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.

[Two white mice had been de-materialized, and re-materialized as black cinders]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'm no scientist, but those mice used to be a different color...

Condemned [2.05]

Teyla: Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?
Dr. McKay: Certain countries, yes.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Can we not do this right now?

Lt. Col. Sheppard: How much time do you need to rework the DHD?
Dr. McKay: Well, in a perfect world, two days.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney?
Dr. McKay: Right now - ten minutes, give or take.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: How's it coming, Rodney?
Dr. McKay: Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible.

Trinity [2.06]

Dr. McKay: This is definitely Ancient design. Their latest stuff. [Blows a large amount of dust of the console] Their latest stuff being ten thousand years old.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Best case scenario?
Dr. McKay: I win a Nobel Prize.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Worst case scenario?
Dr. McKay: We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe. [Sheppard looks horrified] Which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize.

[about Dr. McKay]
Dr. Weir: He really sold you.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: He asked me to trust him.

Dr. Weir: You destroyed three-quarters of a solar system!
Dr. McKay: Five-sixths, but it's not an exact science.
Dr. Weir: Rodney, can you give your ego a rest for one second?!

Instinct [2.07]

Boy: Is it true? You're going to hunt the Deimos?
Dr. McKay: It looks that way.
Boy: I heard it has two heads, and can turn you to stone just by looking at you!
Dr. McKay: [impatient] Well, you heard wrong.
Boy: My uncle says it'll come and take me if I don't do my chores.
Dr. McKay: He said that, huh? Well then, if we get rid of it, you've got nothing to worry about. You'll never have to do chores ever again.
Boy: Really?!
Dr. McKay [irritated] Yes. Look - go away!

Lt. Col. Sheppard [On Wraith physiology]: So it's a teenage thing? Pimples, rebellion, life-sucking?
Dr. Beckett: Something like that!

Lt. Col. Sheppard: McKay, stay here and help Beckett.
Dr. McKay: Medical research isn't really my thing.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: And hunting the Wraith?
Dr. McKay: Uh, I meant I could stay, and... help... Beckett

Dr. McKay: Never could get into Biology. It's too much information about the human body. One time I took it as an undergraduate, I diagnosed myself with half a dozen separate medical conditions before I had to drop the class.
Dr. Beckett: [preoccupied looking through a microscope] Really?
Dr. McKay: Yeah, believe it or not, back then I was a bit of a hypochondriac.
Dr. Beckett: You know, this does require a bit of concentration.
Dr. McKay: [snarky and obnoxious] What? Am I bothering you?

Conversion [2.08]

[Dr. Beckett is wheeling Col. Sheppard into the Infirmary on a gurney]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: This really isn't necessary, Doc.
Dr. Beckett: Yes it is, you've got a serious laceration on your arm and you've lost a good deal of blood.
Dr. McKay: Well enjoy the ride, Colonel, they're making me walk.
Dr. Beckett: You have a splinter Rodney.
Dr. McKay: Yeah a nasty painful splinter.

[Dr. Beckett and a team of scientists are working on a way to cure Sheppard. Dr. Beckett suggests gene therapy]
Scientist: I have no doubt that we could program the cells if we had them but we don't have the time to artificially create gene therapy of that magnitude without newer cells the only samples we have are from a bug that died over a year a go.
Dr. Beckett: Which means. ladies and gentlemen, that we need to go on an egg hunt.

Dr. McKay: Maybe we should make a diversion.
Maj. Lorne: Are you volunteering?
Dr. McKay: I'll shut up.

[Before entering the cave full of iratus bugs McKay zips his collar up]
Dr. Beckett: You don't seriously think that's gonna help do ya?
Dr. McKay: Well when they see your neck before mine, you won't think it's stupid

later [Dr. Beckett zips up his jacket before going to collect eggs]

Dr. McKay:See not so stupid now is it?
Dr. Beckett: Oh shut up.

Aurora [2.09]

Col. Sheppard [Pointing at Trebal, who is a Wraith in disguise]: That's the Wraith.
Dr McKay: She's the Wraith?
Col Sheppard: Yeah.
Dr McKay: Wow, she's hot. I mean seriously hot.
Col Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith.
Dr McKay: I know, I disgust myself sometimes.

The Lost Boys [2.10]

Lt. Ford: You didn't really buy that 'I want to go home' speech, did you? Always underestimated me, Sheppard. You need to stop doing that. Complete the mission and McKay lives.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: We can't complete the mission, Ford. It's a bad plan.
Lt. Ford: You said it was a great plan.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You didn't buy the whole “it's a great plan” speech, did you?

Lt. Col. Sheppard: R2, I need you to turn the auto pilot off. Now! [Nothing happens] Worth a try.

The Hive [2.11]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: I don't even know your name.
Wraith Queen: In time, you will tell me every...
[Queen stares into space, hisses at Sheppard, then leaves]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Every what? What's wrong?
[Guards take Lt. Col. Sheppard from the room]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: She didn't even tell me her name.

Dr. McKay [After easily beating up two guards, having injected himself with a massive dose of the Wraith enzyme]: And that's what happens when you back a brilliant scientist into a corner!

Neera: You do not fear them?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: The Wraith? Naah. Now clowns… that's another story. Scare the crap out of me…
Neera: You have fought the Wraith before?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Lots of times. Won some battles; lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own.
Neera: And the clowns?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: The clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns. We fight them too; entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending `em in!

Dr. McKay: Why aren't you dead?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [irked] It's good to see you too, Rodney.
Dr. McKay: No, no, I mean… well, you know what I mean. Why aren't you… dead?

Epiphany [2.12]


Dr. McKay: Just, um, back out if you encounter anything problematic.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Problematic?
Dr. McKay: Yeah, like poisonous atmosphere, acid atmosphere, no atmosphere…. Hey, it's a MALP on a stick; only shows you so much!

Dr. McKay: Col. Sheppard would have already had hours to try to make it back through the portal in the time I wasted explaining the situation to Conan and Xena!

Lt. Col. Sheppard: This is Sheppard. I'm pretty sure you can't hear me, but I don't have a volleyball to talk to, so what the hell.

Dr. McKay: What is it with you and ascended women?!

Critical Mass [2.13]

[Dr. Lee is trying to explain his idea of relaying a message to Atlantis to a room full of SGC personnel]
Dr. Lee: It's—it's the Twilight Bark.
[The audience doesn't get it.]
Dr. Lee: Twilight Bark? 101 Dalmatians? Didn't you guys see that movie? My kids love it, and... Well, okay, so there's all these dogs. And one barks here, one barks here, one— They send the message across the countryside.
[The audience still doesn't get it.]
Dr. Lee: Lord of the Rings!
[People start nodding and smiling]
Dr. Lee: Lord of the Rings. You know when they light all those signal fires on the mountaintops? You all saw that, right?

[Lt. Col. Sheppard walks in to check on Ronon, who is interrogating Dr. Kavanaugh, only to find Kavanaugh lying on the ground, unconscious.]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: What did you do to him?
Ronon: Nothing, he fainted before I could touch him.

Col. Caldwell's Goa'uld: I warn you, as a Goa'uld, I now possess the strength of many men.
Ronon: [ominously] It'll be a fair fight then. [Ronon proceeds to easily overpower the Goa'uld]

Dr. McKay: Now, as you know, the Zero Point Module controls the flow of massive amounts of power.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Like a dam.
Dr. McKay: No, it's not like a dam, it's more like a ...uh...actually, yes, it's like a dam. If you overload the dam, it breaks, which is why the Ancients put in place failsafes to prevent such a thing from happening.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Like a spillway.
Dr. McKay: Could we just stick with failsafes?

Grace Under Pressure [2.14]

[To his hallucination of Col. Carter]
Dr. McKay: I mean, you come in here, you don't help me, you say the one plan I've got is bad, you-you claim to be a creation of my mind and yet you are in no way dressed provocatively!

Dr. McKay: Come on, you're a figment of my imagination. The least you can do is take your top off!
Lt. Col. Carter: Your subconscious mind knows that I would never be into that.
Dr. McKay: You are the worst hallucination ever.

Dr. McKay: I wonder why we never hooked up.
Lt. Col. Carter: What, aside from the fact that you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?
Dr. McKay: ...yes.
Lt. Col. Carter: Nope, that's pretty much it: petty, arrogant, bad with people.
Dr. McKay: Oh. But you do find me attractive?
Lt. Col. Carter: Let’s stick to working on my idea.
Dr. McKay: No, this is my idea.
Lt. Col. Carter: How do you figure?
Dr. McKay: Well, you don’t exist. You think what my subconscious tells you to think! So, really the idea was mine. [realizing] Oh, wow! I’m arguing with myself about who had an idea first—me or me. I really am petty, aren’t I?

[To his hallucination of Col. Carter, who is partially undressed]
Dr. McKay: You're—you're not physically here. You can't transfer any heat.
Lt. Col. Carter: Doesn't mean I can't get you hot.

[After Zelenka realizes Sheppard wants him to go underwater in the puddlejumper with him to save McKay]
Dr. Zelenka: Oh! No-no-no-no-no-no – I cannot possibly ... uh, no.
Dr. Weir: Radek.
Dr. Zelenka: I-I ... I can't even swim!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: There's not a lot of swimming under a thousand feet of ocean.
Dr. Weir: (to Radek) Look, I'm not gonna order you to go.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I will! [Elizabeth shoots him a look]
Dr. Weir: All I'm saying is that if Rodney can't turn to you, who can he turn to?
Dr. Zelenka: [thinks for several seconds] Right. Give me a few minutes and I'll get my gear.

The Tower [2.15]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.
Dr. McKay: I don't see why not!

Lt. Col. Sheppard: We got the drones, we got a few jumpers; I even got the girl.
Dr. Weir: You got the girl?
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: Well, I mean I could have got the girl. I turned her down.
Dr. Weir: [smiling] What did you offer them in return for the drones and the jumpers?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: A supply of medicines and an IDC if they need to reach us. We also offered to help `em come up with a new way of running things when the time comes.
Dr. Weir: They didn't offer you king?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I turned that down too!

The Long Goodbye [2.16]

Dr McKay: You two need some very serious marriage counselling.
Dr Weir: (taken over by the subconscious of Phoebus) He’s not my husband, he is the enemy. Drop your weapon.
[McKay drops the sidearm]
Dr Weir: Now radio security and tell them everything’s fine.
Dr Beckett: Everything’s not fine.
[Weir stuns Beckett and aims the stunner at Rodney]
Dr McKay: Security, this is Rodney McKay. Everything’s fine, never been better. Colonel Caldwell was kidding when he said, what he said...
Dr Weir: Oh forget it.
[Weir stuns McKay]

Dr Weir: (over comm) Thaelin, the second I find you, you die.
Dr Beckett: Well, they're on the road to divorce.

[Lights are out and Beckett is about to operate on Ronon]
Dr Beckett: Bloody dark ages

Coup d'Etat [2.17]

Ladon: I'll only talk to Weir.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Do I make you nervous.
Ladon: Not at all, Major. I'm just not interested in talking to the errand boy.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.
Dr. McKay: Yes.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine.
Dr. McKay: Oh, funny.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Don't worry. If you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission… eventually.

Ronon: Sheppard's on the list; McKay is on the list. Why aren't Teyla and me?
Dr. Weir: What, you're feeling left out?
Ronon I just wanna know who thinks I'm not a threat and give 'em a chance to change their mind.

Michael [2.18]

Dr. McKay: [to a commissary employee] Ah. Hey, what happened to the, um, to the blue jello? My favourite, all of a sudden it’s off the menu. What gives?

Inferno [2.19]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: It took Dr. McKay years to figure out all things Ancient and he still doesn't completely understand.
Dr. McKay: [defensively] I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You've blown up entire planets, Rodney.
Dr. McKay: That wasn't my fault!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, it didn't do it by itself!

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Ah, well, the lead scientist, uh, she's very, um...
Dr. Weir: Hot?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I was gonna say "attractive." But McKay is acting kinda...
Dr. Weir: Smitten?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I was gonna say "pathetic."

Dr. McKay: And I have, uh, discovered the ship's name. [he looks at his computer tablet] It's the, um, Hipapheralkus.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: The what?
Dr. McKay: Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general, Hipapheralkus.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, we're not calling it that!
Dr. McKay: Oh good. Then what about, um ...
Lt. Col. Sheppard: And we're not calling it the Enterprise either!

Dr. McKay: We don't need to go far. [Twirling his finger in the air] Any old orbit will do!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: And then what?
Dr. McKay: [as sarcastically as humanly possible] Well, then, Norena and I were planning a small dinner for us all, nothing fancy ...
Norena: Rodney.
Dr. McKay: Well, what does he mean, "Then what"?! Then we won't die horribly!

Dr. Beckett: I think I may be missing something. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when the volcano erupts, don't we as well?
Dr. McKay: That's the plan!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's the plan?
Dr. McKay: That's the plan!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That plan sucks!

Allies [2.20]

Dr. Weir: Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position.
Dr. McKay: Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I like everything! Can we do it or not?
Dr. McKay: Well, don't get up! Shields! Yes. Jump into position? Mmmmaybe. Release the drones. [crew member shakes her head] Probably not.

Dr. Zelenka: Explosives, yes, yes. Uh, the problem with an explosive delivery system is that, because the drug is now an aerosol, a third of the tests ignited the medication [he and Dr. Beckett laugh nervously] rendering it useless.
Dr. Beckett: They call it flashing! [he briefly opens his lab coat at the Wraith]

Dr. McKay: They didn't need you on the Daedalus?
Hermiod: Col. Caldwell believed my time was better spent disabling their jamming code.
Dr. McKay: Huh! So, they can fly that ship without you.
Hermiod: Yes. But apparently you cannot run these tests without me.


Season 3

No Man's Land [3.01]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: It'll be a walk in the park... a very scary park, filled with monsters who are trying to kill me.
Michael: I don't understand.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Never mind. Operation 'This Will Most Likely End Badly' is a go.

[Lt. Col. Sheppard is alone in a 302, being fired upon at by an armada of darts]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Okay, how about some of that help you promised?
Michael: I told you to target the hyperdrive generator.
Lt. Col Sheppard: I already knew that.
Michael: There's nothing more I can do.
Lt. Col Sheppard: Like hell there isn't. Call off the Darts!
Michael: [annoyed] They won't listen to me.
Lt. Col Sheppard: This is NOT helpful, Michael!

Dr. McKay: They couldn't have. Even if they deduced the location of Earth, they won't be able to get there, unless, they downloaded something else on the Hive-ship plans. Oh it's something like spyware, just like my stupidly downloaded porn... music, my downloaded music.

Dr. McKay: Where did you come from?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I managed to latch onto the hull of the hive before we went into hyperspace.
Ronon: Nice move.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Saw it in a movie once.

Gen. Landry: How'd it go with the IOA?
Dr. Weir: Oh, you know. I mean, does anyone ever come out of an IOA deposition saying, "That went well"?

Misbegotten [3.02]

Dr. Weir: I'm sorry to put you in this position, but you are the only person besides Col. Sheppard and Gen. O'Neill who's actually fired a drone from that Chair.
Dr. Beckett: Ironically, they're the two people I nearly killed when I did that.

Telya: We are grateful for your help, but we could never release you, not with the information you possess.
Michael: Then kill me now!
Teyla: There is another way.
Michael: Take the treatment again?
Teyla: Yes.
Michael: What I am is not a disease you can cure.

Woolsey: I've never met an Asgard.
Dr. Weir: You, I think, will love them. They have a wonderful sense of humor.
[Woolsey looks at her hopefully]
Woolsey: Really?
Dr. Weir: No.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Just out of political curiosity, how much trouble is it gonna cause you if I knock this Woolsey guy in the head?
Dr. Weir: May I ask why you'd like to do that?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It's just an impulse I had, really, one I suspect I'm gonna have again next time I see him. He may not even have to say anything.
Dr. Weir: I've never seen you like this. What did Woolsey say to you?
Lt. Col Sheppard: Besides judging every damned decision you've ever made?
Dr. Weir: John Sheppard, are you defending my honor?
Lt. Col Sheppard:...And, judging me for agreeing with you.
Dr. Weir: Well, don't be too hard on him. I think of all the circling wolves, he's the least likely to actually bite. In fact, he might even convince the others to leave us alone.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Alright, so...no head knocking?
Dr. Weir: It's the thought that counts.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: How're you doing with the weapons?
Dr. McKay: We couldn't hit the side of a barn.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: But hive ships are a hundred times bigger—
Dr. McKay: A giant, flying barn! We couldn't hit that!

Irresistible [3.03]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: What the hell is going on?
Dr. Weir: What do you mean?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: What do I mean. We leave for two hours, and Lucius turned you all into Stepford wives.

[McKay and Lt.Col Sheppard are in McKay’s lab trying to determine why everyone in Atlantis is besotted with Lucius Lavin. Sheppard looks like he has been pacing angrily while McKay has been working on a laptop at a lab-bench]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [While he's talking Sheppard moves to sit beside McKay] This is creeping me out.
Dr. McKay: [McKay has been hunched over his laptop typing busily] Yeah… reminds me of an old Batman episode actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman...make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. [Rodney sits upright] It was kind of a turn on actually…it’s Julie Newmar in the cat outfit…
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [Sheppard is reading McKay's laptop screen, he absently interrupts McKay ] Eartha Kitt was Catwoman…
Dr. McKay: Not till season three.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [surprised] Really?
Dr. McKay: Yeah, you didn't know that?

Dr. Beckett: So you finally came around did you. You know, you'll come to know Lucius eventually. He really is a kind and wise...
[Sheppard turns and pulls out a Wraith stun pistol]
Dr. Beckett: Oh crap.
[Sheppard stuns him]

[The team talked about what would happen if Lucius gives away Atlantis' position]
Ronon: In which case I said I will track him down, hang him by his feet, and cut off his...
Dr. Weir: Yes, thank you. I think we get the message.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Hey, buddy, I'd better get back and clean your quarters before the next scout.
[Pats McKay on the shoulder and walks away]
Dr. McKay: [Nervously] Right.
[He turns, but just as he leaves, Teyla and Ronon, stops him, realising he took some of Lucius' herb]
Dr. Weir: Rodney!
Dr. McKay: It was just one teeny, tiny taste for research purposes.
Dr. Weir: Burn it!
Dr. Beckett: All of it!
Dr. Weir: Right now!
Dr. McKay: Alright. Story of my life.

Sateda [3.04]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Look, I can't say the Wraith won't be back here again, but I can promise you they're not coming back here because of him.
Keturah: No. Not once we've sacrificed the Wraithbringer to his masters.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: He prefers "Ronon." Probably also prefers not to be sacrificed to the Wraith.

[McKay has been shot with an arrow and is now full of morphine for the pain]
Dr. McKay: Excuse me, why am I lying here?
Dr. Beckett: You have an arrow, Rodney, in your gluteus maximus.
Dr. McKay: Well, that sounds painful. Gluteus maximus... glooo-tus maaa... ximus... [mildly surprised] oh my god, that's my ass, isn't it?!
Dr. Beckett: Aye.
Dr. Weir: Call me if he makes any sense.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh ... Actually, I'm ... I'm terrible at expressing ... I don't know what you'd call it, uh ...
Teyla: Feelings?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Yeah, sure, okay. The point is, I don't really have good, uh ...
Teyla: Social skills.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, that is why I enjoyed flying choppers in the most remote part of my world before all this craziness happened, but, uh, you should know, I don't have, uh ...
Teyla: Friends?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [indignantly] No – I have friends. [pause] You, Elizabeth, Ronon, Carson, even Rodney, are the closest thing I have to a ...
Teyla: A family?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'd do anything… for any one of you. If I had to give up my life the way Ronon was going to, I would.
Teyla: [smiling] Thank you. For everything you… meant to say.

[Beckett grabs a gun]
Dr. McKay: What are you doing?
Dr. Beckett: I'm going to help them.
Dr. McKay: What are you crazy?! You're a doctor!
Dr. Beckett: What does that have to do with it?
[McKay tries taking the gun]
Dr. Beckett: What are you doing?
Dr. McKay: I'm going.
Dr. Beckett: You can barely walk!
Dr. McKay: I can walk fine, I just can't sit!
Dr. Beckett: And you're a terrible shot!
Dr. McKay: Oh, what, you're Rambo now?!

Ronon: [regarding a specific Wraith] You kill him before I do, I kill you.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: What if he kills you first?
Ronon: Then you kill him.

Progeny [3.05]

[The team is preparing to go off to another planet. Sheppard walks into the gateroom and sees Ronon with his gun]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Put that thing away. We told 'em we were friendly.
Ronon: [holsters his blaster] I'm friendly.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Is that thing set to stun?
[Ronon pulls out his gun again and switches it to stun]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [sarcastic] Friendly.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'm still waiting to meet an Ancient race that's invented the car.

Oberoth: Lower your weapons.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [not moving] How much lower would you like 'em?

The Real World [3.06]

Gen. O'Neill: I don't know anything about Atlantis ... except that it was a fairly mediocre Donovan song, not one of my favourites.

Gen. O'Neill: Well, maybe you've got to work yourself back into playing shape… spend a little time doing some short shifts before you jump up to the first line.
Dr. Weir: I'm sorry. I don't know a thing about football.
Gen. O'Neill: Nor hockey, apparently.

Gen. O'Neill: Now, just to be sure we're on the same page, we're against the proliferation of nuclear weapons, right?

Dr. McKay: [staring at Beckett] What?
Dr. Beckett: What?
Dr. McKay: Well, it's that look. That's the same look I get when I have a brilliant idea.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: How would you know how you looked?
Dr. McKay: 'Cause it's happened more than once in front of a mirror, okay?

Common Ground [3.07]

Dr. McKay: [to a rescue team] Alright, people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get in, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive!
Dr. Beckett: [in disbelief] What are you on about?
Dr. McKay: Oh, just things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would, um ...
Teyla: Well said, Rodney.

[The rescue team comes running when McKay opens fire, but there was nothing there]
Ronon: Sheppard wasn't here.
Dr. McKay: And we've just wasted two and a half hours!
Ronon: [to the Marines] Let's move out!
Dr. McKay: …and a mouse.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: You know, I could've sworn I was gonna wake up dead today.

Wraith: You are more like Wraith than you know.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'm not sure I like the sound of that.
Wraith: There is much about Wraith that you do not know, Sheppard.

[Sheppard has chosen to honor his deal and merely stun the Wraith he was working with]
Wraith: [waking up] Ah, Sheppard. I thought you ...
Lt. Col. Sheppard: There's a lot you don't know about humans.

McKay and Mrs. Miller [3.08]

Lt. Col. Carter: Welcome back to Earth.
Dr. McKay: Yes, yes. What's my sister done?
Lt. Col. Carter: Good to see you, too, McKay.
Dr. McKay: [impatiently] Greetings, salutations, pleasantries. What's she done?

[McKay is explaining what he's been doing for the past few years]
Jeannie: What have you gotten yourself involved in here, Meredith?
Lt. Col. Carter: Meredith?
Dr. McKay: It's a long story.
Jeannie: It's his name.
Lt. Col. Carter: Your name is Meredith McKay?
Dr. McKay: Meredith Rodney McKay, yes, but I prefer to go by "Rodney." Look, can we just stick to the point here? Look out the window. Much more interesting than my name.
Lt. Col. Carter: [grinning] Your name is Meredith?

[Jeannie and McKay beam down]
Jeannie: Holy cow! That can't be good for your health.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Nothing to worry about. I've done it dozens of times. John Sheppard.
Dr. McKay: She's married, and she's my sister.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [defensively] I'm just saying hi.
Dr. McKay: Yeah, no, I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before...Kirk.

Dr. McKay: What did Elizabeth say?
Col Sheppard: Two McKays are better than one.
Dr. McKay: There aren't two McKays, there's one McKay and him.

Rod: I envy you. You say exactly what's on your mind no matter how it makes you look. I can only imagine the freedom you must have, not caring if people like you or not.
Dr. McKay: Oh. [thinks a moment] People don't like me?

Phantoms [3.09]

[Sheppard's team investigates a strange Wraith device]
Teyla: Is that what made all these people kill each other?
Dr. McKay: I hope so.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You hope so?
Dr. McKay: Otherwise, there are two bizarre things going on, and one is more than enough for me, thank you very much.

Dr. Weir: How are Rodney and Teyla?
Dr. McKay: He shot me!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: They're both fine.
Dr. McKay: Ohh, you shot me! (Sheppard getting agitated)

Dr. McKay: You shot me!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: (visibly upset) Yes, Rodney, I shot you, and I said I was sorry!
Ronon: You shot me, too.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'm sorry for shooting everyone!!

The Return (Part 1) [3.10]

Gen. Landry: You’re just mad you didn’t get to fly the maiden voyage yourself.
Gen. O'Neill: General, I am quite fond of both maidens and voyages. I mean, put the two together and ...
Gen. Landry: You’re not a test pilot any more, Jack.
Gen. O'Neill: [indignant] That’s what the President said.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Life isn’t fair – it’s just fairer than death.
Dr. Weir: Oscar Wilde?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: The Princess Bride. Good movie.

Woolsey: That seems like a pretty big ship. You’re sure only sending one Jumper up to fend it off is the right thing to do?
Helia: It is impossible for them to harm us.
Gen. O'Neill: I could use some enemies like that.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: You should call her.
Dr. Beckett: Who, Cadman?
Dr. Weir: You two did make a cute couple.
Dr. Beckett: It didn't work out. May have something to do with our first kiss being through Rodney.
Dr. McKay: Oh, I thought we made a solemn vow never to speak of that again!
Dr. Beckett: I remember no such thing.

Dr. Beckett: My turtles!
Dr. Weir: What?
Dr. Beckett: I just bought some wee baby turtles and no one knows to feed them!
Dr. Weir: Well, turtles are pretty hardy. I’m sure they’ll be fine.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: And they make good soup.

The Return (Part 2) [3.11]

Dr. Weir: Hey, if we keep this up, there won't be much of a city left to save.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I'll try to run the drones into your least favorite buildings...McKay!
Dr. McKay: It should be working!
Dr. Beckett: Well, it's not working!
Dr. McKay: Look, if I give him any more power, he'll wake up and kill us all!

Gen. O'Neill: Is that Dr. Weir I hear?
Dr. Weir: Yes, General, it's good to hear your voice too.
Gen. O'Neill: I didn't say it was good, Elizabeth. Please don't be offended as I express my surprise that Landry would send you on a mission like this.
Dr. Weir: Well, sir, General Landry didn't sanction this mission.
Gen. O'Neill: So am I to assume you're not surrounded by heavily armed SG teams and young, strapping Marines?
Dr. Weir: You've got myself, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, McKay, and Dr. Beckett.
Gen. O'Neill: [sarcastic] Oh, Dr. Beckett is it? Well, I'm comforted.
Dr. Beckett: [whispering to Weir] What's that supposed to mean?

Talus: What were you doing in the flooded section of the city?
Gen. O'Neill: The backstroke. I think.
Talus: what are you planning?
Gen. O'Neill: Well, I was planning to retire. But man, is that overrated!

[O'Neill gets his mind probed by Talus]
Gen. O'Neill: What you doing?
Talus: Probing your mind.
[O'Neill looks around, seeing that a Stargate event horizon is circling Talus and him]
Gen. O'Neill: Kinda roomy, ain't it?
Talus: You ability to resist is quite remarkable General O'Neill.
Gen. O'Neill: Well it isn't the first time I had a hand in my head, as it were.
Talus: If you do not give me information, perhaps Richard Woolsey will.
Gen. O'Neill: Tell you what, you look around, and I'll tell you if you're getting warmer, or colder.
[Talus smiles, but then finds the information]
Talus: Got it.
Gen. O'Neill: So, hot I guess.

Talus: I'm afraid your plan has been discovered, Colonel Sheppard. It is over.
[Every turns to look at Woolsey]
Woolsey: [defensively] He put his hand in my forehead! How can you resist that?!
Gen. O'Neill: Well, I like to close my eyes and think of England.

Echoes [3.12]

Dr. Beckett: Their ear-drums have been perforated.
Dr. Weir: How?
Dr. Zelenka: The whales are emitting an intense, low frequency pulse...like...like a sonar; as well as an EM field. The combination is very dangerous to humans - particularly in such close proximity.
Dr. McKay: [having heard none of this; his voice raised] It's the whales!
Dr. Beckett: [ignoring Rodney] Their hearing's been impaired; it should heal soon...
Dr. McKay: [continuing anyway; his voice still raised] It's their echo location! It's creating very powerful vibrations! The closer we got, the worse it became!
Dr. Zelenka: Yes... [Raising his voice] Yes Rodney! We know!
Dr. McKay: [after a brief pause] Oh!
Lt. Col Sheppard: [after an even longer pause] What?

Lt. Col Sheppard: [attempting to get Rodney's attention] Canadian Football league is a joke.[he pauses, then continues when Rodney fails to react] Celine Dion is overrated. [a second pause] Zelenka is smarter than you are! [a third pause]
Dr. McKay: [having heard nothing] Hey! I found mention of a biolab in the database. Ancient scientists used it to study animal life. We should check it out.
Lt. Col Sheppard: Okay, Meredith.

Irresponsible [3.13]

McKay: (Talking about Kolya and his men) What if they burn down the village out of spite?
Lucius: Well, that'll be petty of them.
Col Sheppard: Yeah well, they're like that.

Lucius: So I finish off the last Wraith guard and I turn around and I look at the Queen and I say, 'You know, if you were twenty pounds heavier, you’d look like my ex-wife.'

Tao of Rodney [3.14]

Dr. Zelenka: Normally if Dr. Esposito weren't around, I doubt you would have been as reckless as you were.
Dr. McKay: Are you insane?
Lt. Col Sheppard: Which one is Esposito?
Dr. Zelenka: Oh, the long dark-haired...
Lt. Col Sheppard: Oh, right, the one with the perky little...
Dr. McKay: Do you mind?! We're trying to work here.
Lt. Col Sheppard: For the record I was gonna say 'smile'.
Dr. McKay: Ya, I'm sure you were.

Dr. McKay: One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for? I mean, there’s gross mutation, giantism, invisibility...
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That would be cool. I turned into a bug.
Dr. Beckett: Alright. Like I said, as far as I can tell, he’s as healthy as a horse. I’m clearing you for active duty.
Dr. McKay: What are you insane?! Look, I need to be put under guard. Who knows what I could become?
Dr. Weir: What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?

[Weir and Sheppard walk into the chair room to talk to McKay.]
Dr. Weir: Rodney, we need to talk.
[Rodney deactivates the chair and reads their minds]
Dr. McKay: What do you mean I’m gonna die? I’m not even sick! I feel great -- never better!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That Ancient device...
McKay: [Reading his mind] ...has accelerated my evolution. [Reading Weir’s mind] Eventually I’ll reach a point where I’m physically capable of ascension, but ascension takes more than that -- there’s a mental component. I need to know how to make it happen... which I don’t. [Reads Ronon’s thoughts] Yet!! I’m getting smarter by the minute, it’s a pretty good assumption I’ll be able to figure it out on the way. [Rodney reads Weir’s mind again]. OK, so it’s not as easy as that. Well, even if I don’t, so I stay a highly-evolved human. I mean, I don’t have to ascend, it’s a choice, right? [John grimaces slightly] No? What do you mean, no? Oh, that stupid Ancient device doesn’t work properly, does it? [He reads Elizabeth’s mind again] It’s set in motion a series of genetic mutations that will result in my death if I don’t ascend?!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [To Weir] There is something easier about this.
Dr. McKay: That’s why the Ancients didn’t put it into common use, it’s just one more in a long line of abysmal, over-ambitious failures! Oh God. I’m a dead man!

Dr. McKay: You know, we could be a team! You could be my sidekick!
Ronon: Sidekick.
Dr. McKay: Yeah, like Batman and Ronon. Has a nice ring to it.
Ronon: You keep eating like this, it'll be more like "Fatman".

Dr. McKay: Yes, I'm me! I'm my old self!
Dr. Beckett: Are you certain?
Dr. McKay: Ya, I'm alive. I feel--I feel great--I feel--uh...um...hungry...
Lt. Col Sheppard: He's fine.

The Game [3.15]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: He’s giving his people way too much technology for their level of development. [Points at Rodney accusingly] I’m not the only one increasing my army, by the way.
Dr. McKay: I had to do something to protect the people of Geldar from you.
Ronon: Geldar?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: The name of Rodney’s country. He named it after a girl he stalked in college.
Dr. McKay: I did not stalk her. We dated twice. Teresa Geldar -- a very cute blonde. I always used to think her name reminded me of some kind of a mythological land - "The Kingdom of Geldar".

[A man rides through Geldar on a bicycle]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Oh yeah! That’s something you see in a medieval village!
Dr. McKay: Yes, well, the Renaissance obviously came early to these folks.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: A couple of hundred years early?

[regarding Rodney]
Teyla: Why do you refer to him as the Oracle?
Nola: The Oracle is a wise and omnipotent deity.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [to Ronon] Boy, she’s in for a rude awakening.

Baden: I’ve done everything I could to achieve peace with you.
Nola: Really?! Such as?
Baden: I sent gifts of goodwill.
Nola: [horrified] You sent crates of citrus fruit! Citrus! Do you have any idea what an insult that is to my people?!
Baden: It didn’t used to be.
Dr. Weir: OK, see, I think I know where that comes from. Did M - the Oracle tell you that citrus fruit was bad?
Nola: He made us aware of its toxic properties, yes.
Baden: Everything is toxic to you! [to Elizabeth] If they’re not busy insulting us, they’re complaining about contaminated food, improper hygiene. Even the sunlight is dangerous to them!

The Ark [3.16]

Teyla: I am sorry, Herick, but we have scanned the surface of your planet. If your world was at war with the Wraith, the war was lost many years ago.
Dr. McKay: More like centuries. I mean, there is nothing down there but ruins and plant life.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Dial up the sensitivity a notch, all right?

Lt. Col. Sheppard: I guarantee you you’re gonna see pretty much the same technology that you’re looking at here, which I call vintage 1967.
Dr. McKay: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, we hollowed out a lot of moons back in the sixties.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, if we had, this is what they'd look like.

Dr. Beckett: Tell them we'll be there in a jiff.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You guys hear that?
Dr. McKay: [over radio] Yay, faint hope!

Dr. McKay: All right. I’m gonna take a look around, see if I can figure out a way to seal the compartments between us. I figure it would be nice if we were all together as we burn up.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: McKay . . .
Dr. McKay: I’m sorry. I mean, as we get rescued. I always get those two confused.

Dr. McKay: We don’t have much time left. The moon was already in a low orbit to start with. We’re beginning to skim the outer atmosphere. We’re gonna slow down exponentially.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Think of a brilliant plan, Rodney! That’s what you do best. Using as little oxygen as possible.

Sunday [3.17]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: You dating anyone?
Ronon: You mean like a woman?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Or a man.
Ronon: No.

Dr. Beckett: I just made the handoff...[explosion kills him]

Dr. Weir: We’ve said goodbye to a lot of friends today. Our mission is a dangerous one. We lose people – a fact we’re all painfully aware of. But Carson was ... (She trails off for several seconds, temporarily lost for words.) I can’t remember anyone coming to me with a complaint against him – ever. He was a kind soul. He was ... he was a healer. And he will be very deeply missed. George Fabricius said, “Death comes to us all, but great achievements, they build a monument which shall endure until the sun grows cold.” (Her voice begins to break.) Every single life Carson saved is a monument to him. And that gives me great comfort.

[The closing scene of the episode, Rodney stands alone in a pier of the city, talking with 'imaginary Carson']
Dr. Beckett: How’d it go back on Earth?
Dr. McKay: It was, it was awful. [Turns to Carson and smiles at him] Your family was amazing, though.
Dr. Beckett: Aye, they are. Good turnout?
Dr. McKay: Oh, packed the church.
Dr. Beckett: Oh, that’s good to hear!
Dr. McKay: It’s not gonna be the same round here without you.
Dr. Beckett: Oh, you’re telling me!
Dr. McKay: You know, the universe is a big place. Who knows, maybe we’ll bump into each other again.
Dr. Beckett: Aye, who knows?
Dr. McKay: You were the closest thing to a best friend I ever had. I’m really, really sorry. I should have just...
Dr. Beckett: Hey. This isn’t your fault.
Dr. McKay: You’re just telling me what I want to hear.
Dr. Beckett: Well, that’s what best friends do sometimes. And in this case it also happens to be true. Take care of yourself, Rodney.
Dr. McKay: [Raises his hand] Goodbye, Carson.
[Carson fades out of existence whilst the view zooms out to see Rodney standing alone at the end of the pier as the episode ends]

Submersion [3.18]

Dr. Weir: Weapons fire.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Nine mil. This way.
Dr. McKay: Oh yes, let's race towards the gunfire.

[Rodney, Ronon, and the scientists are bickering]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Okay, kids. Do I have to pull this thing over? It's hard enough being in this damned thing for hours without listening to you guys.

[A Wraith Queen just swam to her submerged cruiser]
Sheppard: Well, you're a hell of a swimmer, I'll give you that.
Wraith Queen: You have restored power?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It'll fly.
[The Queen deactivates the self destruct]
Wraith Queen: You shall be rewarded—with a quick death!
[McKay empties the ammo of his P90 into the Queen]
Dr. McKay: She's not dying according to plan here!!

McKay: There must be some kind of a command code that needs to be entered first.
Sheppard: Can you figure it out?
McKay: Yes, well command codes are usually quite simple like the number one or the letter A, like in Wraith.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Can you figure it out?!
Dr. McKay: NO! Not if I stood here and tried for a million years. And we have, oh look, just under a million years!

Dr. Zelenka: [About a Wraith cruiser] It's been down there for a very, very, very long time.
Dr. Mckay: Give or take a very.

Vengeance [3.19]

[The Team was just attacked by a creature]
Teyla: What is that?
Ronon: A piece of an arm, it looks like.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Lets hope that slows it down.
Dr. McKay: Maybe it'll bleed to death.
Ronon: Or just grow another arm.

[Sheppard and Ronon Spot the Wraith dart]
Ronon: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Sheppard: Yeah, I fly the dart, beam you all up, and then I use its DHD to dial Atlantis and get out of here.
Ronon: I was thinking of blowing it up, but your idea's better. Get moving!

First Strike [3.20]

Col. Ellis: You should be running Atlantis, not Dr. Weir.
Lt. Col Sheppard: But then I'd be The Man, and who would I have to rage against?

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Shouldn't you guys be bickering or something?
Dr. McKay: Ah, we've got nothing to bicker about. He's run out of bad ideas... finally.
Dr. Zelenka: [sulkily] If we survive this, I'm putting in for a transfer.
Dr. McKay: Oh, please. We both know that you've done your best work under me.
Dr. Zelenka: Under you?! I'm my own department head, you know.
Dr. McKay: Please! We both know that department is a joke.
Dr. Zelenka: What?!
Lt. Col Sheppard: Why don't you two just make out and get it over with?


Season 4

Adrift [4.01]

Ronon: Pull it out now.
Doctor: I can't do that, it may have punctured an artery.
Ronon: Pull...it...out.
Doctor: Yeah, yeah I get it you're a tough guy. If you want to take it out yourself...
[Ronon attempts to remove the glass]
Doctor: Are you crazy!?

Dr. McKay: It's like the video game 'Asteroids'.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Whatever works for you.
Dr McKay: I was terrible at 'Asteroids'. I think I actually scored zero once.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, there's only one way to go and that's up.

Dr McKay: Told you I wasn't good at 'Asteroids'.

Lifeline [4.02]

Lt. Col Sheppard: How's it going?
Dr. McKay: Well I would be making a lot more progress if 'Timmy Torture' here didn't try to kill me every two seconds.
Dr. Zelenka: I wasn't trying to kill him.

Dr McKay: We're coming into re-entry.
Dr Lee: You mean entry. You see, we haven't actually entered the pl...
Col. Carter: Bill!

Dr McKay: I want you to land this city gently, like a leaf, kissing the surface of a pond!
[Sheppard is in the control chair, trying to land Atlantis on M35-117, and crash lands. People fall down because of the crash land]
Dr McKay: Nice kissing!

Reunion [4.03]

Lt. Col Sheppard: What's that?
Dr. McKay: It's a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it'd be thoughtful.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Try lame.

Dr. McKay: Anyway... look, I just uh, just came by to uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're setting in and uh, you know, if you needed anything and uh, did I mention I was seeing someone?
Col. Carter: I'm sorry, what?
Dr. McKay: I'm uh, seeing someone. Yes I only bring it up now because you're here, now, and we'll be working together a lot more and uh, you know, I just thought with our past...
Col. Carter: Our "past"?
Dr. McKay: Well you know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever.
Col. Carter: Rodney--
Dr. McKay: I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh... Kind of like they are now.
Col. Carter: Rodney... I'm sure we'll be fine.

Tyre: This is it.
Dr. McKay: Hurry up!
Ronon: I got it.
[Ronon shoots the door control, which promptly opens the door]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: This thing's been way too quiet and way too easy.
Dr. McKay: I kinda like quiet and easy. Makes for a nice change.

[Rodney attempts to open a door while Sheppard fights off a Wraith attack]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney, get that door open!
Dr. McKay: Aw, to hell with it!
[Rodney fires at the door control, destroying it, with no effect on the door]
Dr. McKay: Aw, come on, it worked for him!

Doppelganger [4.04]

Lt. Col Sheppard: I'm gonna recommend sending a science team when we get back.
Dr. McKay: I am a science team.

Lt. Col Sheppard: Looks like one of those toys you play with as a kid.
Dr. McKay: Commodore 64?
Ronon: Triple barrel shotgun?
Lt. Col Sheppard: A kaleidoscope.

Dr. Keller: [About her dream] It was terrifying. There you were with this disgusting alien bug crawling out of your stomach and Colonel Sheppard was acting as it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen.
Ronon: It sounds like that movie.
Dr. Keller: Yeah, Alien. Have you seen it?
Teyla: Colonel Sheppard speaks of it often.
Dr. McKay: I remember the first time I saw it. Certainly did not think it was cool.

Dr. Kate Heightmeyer: Now based on what's been described to me, the personification of Colonel Sheppard in everyone's dreams, is behaving much like a sociopath.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Did I have a goatee?

[Sheppard and McKay are in McKay's dream, rowing towards Atlantis]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You know? This really isn't as strange as you made me believe.
Dr. McKay: Oh yeah? What about that?
[McKay points to a clown that appeared behind them]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I hate clowns.

Travelers [4.05]

[Larrin walks into Sheppard's cell]
Sheppard: What's going on?
[Larrin punches him]
Sheppard: Ow! What was that for?
[Larrin punches him again]
Sheppard: Stop that!
Larrin: I'll stop, if you'll stop lying! You broadcasted a signal, didn't you?
Sheppard: Yes.
[Larrin punches him again]
Sheppard: You said you'd stop!

[A Wraith is about to feed on Larrin, when he notices Sheppard pointing a gun to his head. Little does he know, the gun is empty]
Sheppard: I can see you just fed, which means that your regenerating abilities are at maximum. But I seriously doubt you can grow a new head.

McKay: No, there's something you're not telling us - she was hot, wasn't she?
Sheppard: I don't know what you're talking about.
McKay: Aw, I knew it. That is so typical.
Sheppard: She had me beat Rodney! She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together.
McKay: Whatever. All that I know is that every time I get taken captive, it's the Wraith. Just once, I would like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien.

Sheppard: Sure you wanna go through with this? If you don't make it, I'll feel responsible and, well I really don't need the guilt.
Larrin: I'll be fine as long as you don't shoot too early. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that from a woman.
Sheppard: On the other hand, I might be able to live with it!

Tabula Rasa [4.06]

Dr. Keller: Dr Brown. I see you've brought my number one patient.
Dr. McKay: What? Oh, no, we're not here for me this time.

Dr. McKay: It started suddenly, and then it just stopped.
Dr. Keller: Okay, well, I appreciate you telling me.
Dr. McKay: Aren't you gonna do anything?
Dr. Keller: To be honest, I don't see how it's relevant.
Dr. McKay: Well, it's a new symptom. I thought it just might be important.
Dr. Keller: I don't see how a tingling sensation in your knees relates to this condition, especially since you're the only one experiencing it.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: You showing any signs?
Dr. McKay: Headache.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Yeah, same here.
Dr. McKay: Five bucks says you start losing your memories first.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney!

[Dr. McKay is starting to forget things]
Teyla [to Dr. McKay]: What is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter?
Dr. McKay: Well, that's pi, it's 3.14159265 etc, etc... Oh, t-that doesn't count, that's easy.
Teyla: You are a scientist, Rodney, that is what you care about, that is what you will hang on to the longest.
Dr. McKay: Right, right, so... [pause] Wait a minute, doesn't that make me a really bad person?
Teyla: It makes you the type of person who is going to save all our lives.

[Everyone in Atlantis has lost their memory, apart from Teyla and Ronon. Ronon tells Lorne to take out a polaroid from his vest pocket of Sheppard telling Lorne he is the Commanding Officer]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's right, I'm your Commanding officer, so you should do what I say.
Maj. Lorne: Yes, sir. What are our orders?
[Sheppard, confused for a moment turns to Ronon]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Do what he says.

Missing [4.07]

Dr. Keller: Ibuprofen. Helps with the pain and swelling.
Teyla: Yes, Dr. McKay uses them frequently, along with antihistamines, antacids, motion-sickness pills…
Dr. Keller: You forgot the prescription I wrote him for restless leg syndrome.

Nabel: You're a doctor, a healer, not a killer.
Dr. Keller: You’re right, I am a healer. But first I need something to heal. [shoots him in the knee]

[Teyla has caught a squid-looking creature for dinner]
Teyla: The taste leaves much to be desired but it will sustain you.
Dr. Keller: [grimacing] Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry.
Teyla: You should eat.
Dr. Keller: This was my least favourite part of 'Survivor'.

Ronon: [About the Bola Kai] Don't worry. They're primitive. We can handle them.
Dr. McKay: Define 'primitive'.
Ronon: Clubs and arrows.
Dr. McKay: Hey, arrows can hurt!
Ronon: Only if you're stupid enough to get hit in the ass with one.

The Seer [4.08]

[regarding psychic powers]
Dr. McKay: Well, gee, let me think. Umm, no. Look, in a mechanical, Newtonian universe, not a problem. I mean, you know enough variables, you can predict the outcome; but quantum physics blows that out of the water.

Col. Carter: You have had more experience with the Wraith than just about anyone, and in particular with this Wraith. You have a history.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, it's not like we're dating.

Todd: I believe among your people it is customary to shake hands.
[Todd offers his right hand to Col. Carter. Everyone in the room points their gun at the Wraith. He begins to laugh and waves his hand disparagingly.]
Todd: Just a little Wraith humour. [laughs]

Ronon: That's it? That's your superweapon?
Dr. McKay: Well, what were you expecting?
Ronon: A big gun? Something that goes boom?

Miller's Crossing [4.09]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Have you learned any new information yet?
Barrett: No, not yet. The NID is liaising with CSIS [pronounced see-sis] on the ground. They are expecting us.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: C-what now?
Dr. McKay: Canadian Security Intelligence Services. They're kind of like your CIA.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [sarcastically] CSIS, that's the best you guys can do, huh?

Jeannie: I can't believe I am betting my life on your sense of direction!
Dr. McKay: What are you talking about?! I've got an excellent sense of direction!
Jeannie: Oh, really? Remember when we went to West Edmonton Mall and Dad had to call the police to find you?
Dr. McKay: That mall was huge!
Jeannie: There were maps every seven metres!
Dr. McKay: Misleading ones!

Jeannie: [about Katie Brown] So, are you gonna marry her?
Dr. McKay: I don't know.
Jeannie: You've been dating over a year now.
Dr. McKay: [irritated] I'm aware of that, thank you!
Jeannie: You think you're gonna find someone better?
Dr. McKay: No, it's not that.
Jeannie: [laughing] 'Cause you're not!

[Ronon is eating in the commissary, looking on in boredom as Walter rambles until Sheppard enters]
Ronon: [hopeful] Tell me you have something!
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Devlin Medical Technologies.
Ronon: That means...
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You've got somebody to point your gun at.
Ronon: [enthused] Sweet!

Jeannie: And I'm gonna hold this over your head, for like - forever.
Dr. McKay: Oh, that's totally fair.
Jeannie: Like, you're gonna eat a lot of vegetarian food ... and not complain about it.
Dr. McKay: Sure, sure.
Jeannie: And you're gonna read Madison three stories instead of her usual two.
Dr. McKay: Right.
Jeannie: You're gonna buy me a car.
Dr. McKay: Let's not get out of control here...

This Mortal Coil [4.10]

Replicator John: Have we made any progress?
Replicator Rodney: Yeah, the Gate's not working.
Replicator John: I think we figured that much last week when you broke it.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: [upon seeing his clone] Great. The last time I came face to face with myself I ended up kicking my own ass.

Replicator Rodney: [excited] Humanity is about benefit from the world's greatest mind - times two.
Dr. McKay: Can you imagine?
Replicator John: I'm trying not to.

Replicator John: Wait a minute. we can't go back to Atlantis because we're a security risk.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: He - I have a point.

Dr. McKay: [To Sheppard] If this works, we should be able to track every Aurora-class Replicator ship in the galaxy in realtime.
[A few ships show up on the screen]
Dr. McKay: Well, that's not so bad. I guess the Wraith have really taken a toll.
[The number of ships doubles]
Dr. McKay: On the other hand, my duplicate did say they were building more.
[The ships double again]
Dr. McKay: A lot more.
[The screen fades out. More ships are heard showing up]
Dr. McKay: Oh, crap.

Be All My Sins Remember'd [4.11]

Col. Caldwell: Colonel.
Col. Ellis: Colonel.
[They turn to Carter]
Col. Caldwell: Colonel.
Col. Carter: Colonels.
[They turn to Sheppard]
Col. Ellis: Colonel.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Colonels.
Dr. McKay: [grimacing] Seriously?

Dr. Zelenka: You did it. McKay's back!
Dr. McKay: [Annoyed] Don't say that, I was never gone!

Spoils of War [4.12]

Dr. McKay: [About to be 'almost' fed on by a Wraith Queen] Great, in my entire life I was never chosen first. And now fate decides to restore the balance.

Quarantine [4.13]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: [Typing in Rodney's password, who thinks Sheppard can't remember it] 16431879196842. See, it doesn't take a genius.
Teyla: I-it doesn't?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: 1643 is the year Isaac Newton was born. 1879, Einstein. And 1968...
Teyla: The year Rodney was born.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Never underestimate the size of that man's ego.
Teyla: Weren't there other numbers?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: 42.
Teyla: What is that?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It's the ultimate answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything.
[Teyla stares at him blankly.]

[Ronon and Dr. Keller tried to blow a door open with an oxygen tank, like in Jaws. The door stays shut.]
Ronon: A lot stronger than a shark.

Harmony [4.14]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: [to Rodney] More searching, less complaining.
Dr. McKay: Sorry, I'm hungry. When I'm hungry, I get cranky.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: And when you get cranky, you get hit.
Dr. McKay: Okay, okay....

[Talking over the radio]:
Genii: Theoron come in.
[pause]:
Genii: Theoron come in.
Dr. Mckay: If we don't respond, the're gonna investigate.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Theoron here.
Genii: What's your status?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Good.
Genii: Elaborate.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Real good.

[after unveiling a painting depicting a heroic McKay and a cowering Sheppard]
Dr. McKay: Yeah, pretty much how I remember it.

Outcast [4.15]

Ronon: I watched it last night. There was hardly any fighting.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It's not about fighting.
Ronon: Then why's it called Blades of Glory?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It is about skate blading.
Ronon: And this is a real sport? Men and women dancing around on ice?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Unfortunately.
Ronon: Your planet's weird.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You can say that again.

Trio [4.16]

[talking to two young boys]
Col. Carter: If you help us, we'll get you whatever you want.
McKay: Oh yes, good, great idea, yes.
Col. Carter: Thanks.
McKay: Maybe you should show them your…
Col. Carter: Excuse me?
McKay: I was once a 10-year old boy too, I know what gets their attention.
Col. Carter: McKay…
McKay: What, you want to get out of here or not?
Col. Carter: I think we can reason with them without resorting to that, thank you.
McKay: If you say so. (looks hopefully at Keller)

Dr. Keller: Whoa whoa whoa, wait wait, don't pull me up!
McKay: What?! Why?
Dr. Keller: I see LIGHT!!
McKay: No no no no no! Don't go toward the light! You want to stay in the land of the living!!

Midway [4.17]

[Ronon and Teal'c are fighting in front of a cheering crowd]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Colonel, wanna place a bet?
Col. Carter: What's going on here?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Just a friendly sparring match.
Col. Carter: It looks anything but friendly.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: No, it's good for them. They're just blowing off some steam.
Col. Carter: How long have they been at it?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: About an hour or so.
Col. Carter: An hour?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Not even taking any breaks.
Col. Carter: They are now.

[On seeing one of the SGC's dead personnel]
Ronon: He was fed on by the Wraith. That's not a good way to go.
Teal'c: Indeed.
Ronon: You say that a lot.
Teal'c: What?
Ronon: "Indeed".
Teal'c: Do I?
Ronon: Yeah.
Teal'c: I had not noticed.

[After the station's self-destruct sequence is triggered]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Rodney?
Dr. McKay: We've made a terrible mistake -- we never should have revived Kavanagh!

[After using Ronon's gun to kill a Wraith]
Teal'c: I would very much like to have a weapon such as this.
Ronon: Yeah. Get in line.

The Kindred (Part 1) [4.18]

Teyla: I knew you would doubt me. I should not have said anything.
Dr. McKay: Hey, I've been cocooned inside an alien spacecraft; I've had another person living inside me; I've encountered not one, but two different versions of myself, so who am I to judge? If you say it was a vision, then I believe it was a vision.
Dr. McKay: [Later, to Sheppard] I seriously doubt it was a vision.

Teyla: I purchased the pendant from an artisan in Croya, the village we are about to visit. Among the Athosians, it's quite common to present such gifts as expressions of admiration and respect.
Ronon: [to McKay] Hey. Maybe I'll pick you something up while we're there.
Dr. McKay: Really?
Ronon: No.

Todd: [after Sheppard's team points weapons at two Wraith guards moving a Wraith corpse] Ah, don't mind them. They're just here to help with the clean-up.

Todd: Obviously there is more you want from me, or you would not have come.
Ronon: Maybe we just came to kill ya.
Todd: [unafraid] Did you?
Sheppard: Unfortunately, no.
Todd: Well, there's always next time.

[John, Rodney and Ronon step into a doorway, aiming their weapons ... and stop and stare in total disbelief at what they see. A man is sitting on a bunk inside the room, dressed in a grey prison outfit. He sighs in relief at the sight of them.]
Dr. Beckett: Finally. It’s about bloody time.(He stands up.) What took you so long?

The Kindred (Part 2) [4.19]

Dr. Beckett: Aye, you're damned right it is! First you tell me I'm not the only Carson Beckett, and then you tell me the other one died in a horrible explosion!
Dr. Beckett: [in realization] Oh my God! My mother! You didn't tell her, did you?
Dr. McKay: Well, yeah.
Dr. Beckett: Good Lord!

Dr. Beckett: [after Sheppard assists him in putting on his pack] Thank you. I must be a wee bit rusty.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: You're not rusty, Doc. You were just never very good at this.
Dr. Beckett: Fair enough!

Dr. McKay: [before freezing Beckett in stasis] You know, I was toying with the idea of programming dreams into these things. Interested? I could have you fishing in the Highlands...with a couple of tall blonde massage therapists?
Dr. Beckett: No, Rodney. I'll be fine.

The Last Man [4.20]

Lt. Col. Sheppard: You're telling me I just traveled forty eight thousand years into the future in ten seconds?
McKay: I know – it is kind of cool when you think about it, isn't it?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Surfing a thirty foot wave in Waimei is cool. Dating a supermodel is cool. This is not cool!

Lt. Col. Sheppard: The city has solar-powered generators, right?
Dr. McKay: Yes, which would come in very handy if we were trying to power a couple of electric golf carts.

Todd: [explaining his plan to destroy Michael's facility] I was going to write an elaborate programme designed to slowly create a fatal error in the primary capacitor, but I doubt there'll be time for that now.
Ronon: I was just gonna blow it up.
Todd: [exasperated] Naturally.

Dr. McKay: [voiceover] I was down in the Infirmary, having suffered a, uh, well, pretty serious injury.
Dr. Keller: [in the past, talking to Rodney on a bed in the infirmary] It's a splinter.
Dr. McKay: Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Dr. McKay: Look, um, I know you've already been debriefed about the future events – all the things we were hoping to avoid – but there's just one more thing I need to know.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: What?
Dr. McKay: Did I still have hair?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [pausing] No.


Season 5

Search and Rescue [5.01]

(Lorne and McKay are kept in an other part of the collapsed compound)
Dr. McKay: Still no signal. There's too much interference.
Maj. Lorne: Pretty sure my leg´s broken.
Dr. McKay: I think I'm remarkably fine.
Maj. Lorne: (sarcastically) Well, isn't that wonderful? That brings me great comfort. Thank you.

(Sheppard, Ronon und McKay are in a Puddle Jumper and trying to get into Michael´s ship through the dart bay doors which begin to close again)
Dr. McKay: It's closing.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I see that.
Dr. McKay: It's closing quickly.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: I got it. (seemingly angry about McKay critizising him)

Col. Caldwell: Major Marks, please make that ship go away. [on finally being able to destroy Michael's Cruiser].

Dr. Keller: All you have to do is lie still and let me play with your insides. [to Sheppard regarding his surgery].

The Seed [5.02]

Teyla: Today he's decided that he will only sleep as long as I hold him and keep moving. I've already walked half the city and back again.
Dr. Keller: My parents used to put me in the car. My dad would have to drive around and around and around the block at three o'clock in the morning!
Teyla: Hmm. That would be lovely. At least I'd be sitting down!

[Woolsey has just arived on the Daedalus to take command of Atlantis.]
Woolsey: (authoritatively): Well, then. [He hesitates for several seconds, unable to think of anything more to say, then looks at Sheppard.] I think I'll start by going over copies of all your latest reports. [turns to Rodney] Yours as well, Doctor.
Dr. McKay: What, right now?
Woolsey: I've been out of touch on the Daedalus for three weeks. I'd like to be brought up to speed as quickly as possible. We can have a full briefing in the morning.
[Woolsey leaves the control room]
Lt. Col. Sheppard: It's a nice speech. Very inspiring.

Broken Ties [5.03]

Wraith: Kneel.
Lt. Col. John Sheppard: You know, what'd be really creepy and unexpected is if you knelt instead.

The Daedalus Variations [5.04]

(After Sheppard notices the Alternate Daedalus has powered up)
Lt. Col. Sheppard: [Over radio] Rodney, was that you?
Dr. McKay: [Smug] Yes. Why, do you think we have a ghost on board?
(McKay literally jumps when he hears thing fall to the ground, then realising it was only Ronon)
Dr. McKay: Will you please not touch anything!?

(Sheppard tells McKay that they've jumped above a red giant)
Dr. McKay: [over radio] Are you sure?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, we're not imagining it Rodney.

(Ronon strikes at the weapons console after he couldn't destroy the oncoming alien fighters)
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Easy, Chewie! Those buttons are your friends! Just keep trying!
Ronon: [Furiously] I'M TRYING!!!

Alternate Sheppard: So, now what?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, now we go our own ways.
Alternate Sheppard: Just like that?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Pretty much.
Alternate Sheppard: Well the thing is, we have a few questions. See, the Daedalus we know was destroyed two years ago with the attack of the Replicators.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Sorry to hear that. This isn't our Daedalus either, we're just... borrowing it for a while.
Alternate Sheppard: OK, I have no idea what that means.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, like I said, it's a long story.

Alternate Sheppard: All right, Daedalus, good luck.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Thank you, Colonel. And one last thing: it's been a pleasure. You're obviously a man of great integrity here, and a dedicated commander, and a very skilled pilot.
[Ronon frowns at him.]
Alternate Sheppard: Well, that's funny. I was gonna say the same to you.

Ghost in the Machine [5.05]

Alien Planet. A Puddle Jumper is flying up from the planet. Team Sheppard is on board.
Ronon: What the hell was that thing?
Teyla: It just appeared out of nowhere.
Dr. McKay: And that shriek scared the crap out of me.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Kind of a ... flying monkey.
Dr. McKay: Flying monkeys! What is this, the planet of Oz?!

The Shrine [5.06]

Dr. McKay: You've been a good friend, Arthur.
[Both Sheppard and McKay look at each other, then bursts into laughter]

Dr. McKay: Did you have some kind of itinerary planned?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, actually we’re gonna have a big feast first.
Dr. McKay: Last supper huh?
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, suits your messiah complex.
Dr. McKay: True.

Dr. Keller: We're gonna have to find a way for me to operate on him right here.

Day six of the recordings of the progression of the Second Childhood
Dr. McKay: Jennifer, there's something I wanted to, while I remember, while I still can. There's something I wanted to say before...
Dr. Keller: Go ahead.
Dr. McKay: I, I, I love you. I've loved you for some time now. (pauses briefly) OK. Where was I?

Whispers [5.07]

Dr. Beckett: I wish you'd told me we'd be doing so much walking.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Did I forget to mention that?
Dr. Beckett:: Aye, you did. You also forgot to mention the fact that we'd be rappelling down the side of a mountain! My legs are seizing up.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Well, that's what happens when you do nothing for six months R&R.
Dr. Beckett: Not to mention two months in a stasis pod, thank you.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: Two months? Try 800 years. That'll give you rubber legs.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: All right, we're going over to the next village to talk to some locals. You guys need anything, want anything?
Dr. Porter: Yeah. If you happen to pass a Starbucks, I'll take a grande triple sugar free vanilla latte.

Maj. Teldy: Where's Porter?
Dr. Beckett: We don't know.
Lt. Col. Sheppard: That's great! All we need now is for the Prom Queen and the kid in the wheelchair to wander off and we're all set.

[After Teldy's team supposedly killed all of Michael's experiments]
Maj. Teldy: Is that all of them?
Sgt. Mehra: Eight, nine, plus the other three, that makes twelve.
[An experiment charges in front of them. The women fire simultaneously and guns it down]
Sgt. Mehra: Sorry. That's nine. Plus the three, makes twelve.

The Queen [5.08]

Sheppard: Hmm. Fruit bowl, nice touch.
Todd: Well, we picked them up on our travels. I thought it would make our discussions more comfortable. I hope they prove as delicious as the farmers who grew them.

Ronon: I still say this was a setup.
Sheppard: I don't know. "Kenny" seemed pretty surprised when that ship disappeared.
McKay: Who?
Sheppard: "Kenny", the second in command.
McKay: Well, since when did we start calling him that?
Ronon: Maybe he wasn't in on it.
Sheppard: I don't know. If "Todd" wanted to kidnap Teyla, he would have done it the second we arrived. Doesn't add up.
McKay: Seriously, the next time we have to name one of these guys, we should take a vote.

Tracker [5.09]

(While evacuating a village, Ronon and McKay guide them to safety)
McKay: That's it. That's it. (to a large person) Mind your step, sir.
Burly Woman: Sir?
McKay: Ma'am, sorry. Uh... (gestures at his upper lip) you have a... (to Ronon) That is clearly a moustache!

First Contact [5.10]

[concerning the suspected hidden entrance in the passageway]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well it's remote, that's promising. He wouldn't want anyone around when coming in and out of his lab.
Dr. McKay: Oooh, like the Batcave!
Dr. Jackson: Yes... just like the Batcave.

Dr. McKay: Controlled magnetic harmonic resonance.
Dr. Jackson: What?
Dr. McKay: Apparently Tesla was close to something like this before Edison trashed his lab.
Dr. Jackson: What are you talking about?
Dr. McKay: That wall was specially designed to destabilize when bombarded with a very specific harmonic resonance. That's what the tones were. And the strong magnetic property of the particles is what keeps the door from just crumbling into dust. It's a great way to hide a door, because you know, if you're looking for a door to open it's never going to be found. It's like a hologram, only better because it's solid mass until the tones are playing.
Dr. Jackson: Right, so you could've just told me to walk through the door when you did it.
Dr. McKay: I could have, yes.

[after touching the holding cell's laser grid]
Dr. McKay: Ow!
Dr. Jackson: Oh yeah I tried that they uh, zap you when you touch them.
Dr. McKay: You could've told me that before I touched it!
Dr. Jackson: I could have, yes.

"Todd" arrives onboard the Daedalus
Woolsey: Thank you for coming.
"Todd": Thank you for having us.
Woolsey: (clears his throat) Today is an historic day. Robert Grosseteste once said...
"Todd": I would like to get started as soon as possible.
Woolsey: Y-yes, of course. But I wanted to recognise...
"Todd": I have my doubts that your plan will be effective... so shall we drop these unfounded pleasantries and get to work?

Jackson: Is everything a competition with you?
McKay: I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Jackson: I just found you a secret lab full of really cool Ancient stuff. I kind of think that should score me some points here.

The Lost Tribe [5.11]

[when trapped in the outpost]
Dr. McKay: (...) I think I figured a way out of here!
Dr. Jackson: Really ?
Dr. McKay: This is an ancient facility and Rodney McKay knows a thing or two about ancient facilities.
Dr. Jackson: You know it has been clinically proven refering yourself at the third person is a sign of mental instability.
Dr. McKay: Mentally unstable like a Fox.

Czech

Radek Zelenka's frequent bursts of Czech are very popular among Stargate fans who speak the language.

Thirty-Eight Minutes [1.04]

Zelenka: Můžeš mi dát ty nejnovější data, prosim? Já se s tímhle nemůžu hnout. - Please, could you give me the latest data? I can’t seem to solve this.

Zelenka: Ne, tak aspoň, aspoň tři mi dej. - No. Give me at least, at least three.

Zelenka: To je ono, my to máme. - That is it, we have it.

The Brotherhood [1.16]

Zelenka: Ježiši, já s těma hercema nemůžu dělat - Jesus, I can't work with these actors.

Letters from Pegasus [1.17]

Zelenka: Na dně moře máme „fail safe“ , mechanismus. Obrovskou silou vytrhl kotvu města ze dna oceánu. My jsme.. Zhrozili jsme jsme.. Zhrozili jsme se. Neuvěřitelný, co se to děje a ten hluk; celé město se třáslo jako při zemětřesení. To bylo něco neuvěřitelnýho. A najednou... se hneme. Celé město stoupalo. Stoupalo nahoru, nahoru k hladině. To, to bylo něco neuvěřitelnýho a a a a a věže prorazily hladinu a vyjeli jsme nahoru nahoru a vody, vlny, vodopády, všechno teče z těch vejšek. A my... vystřelili jsme nahoru, úplně, úplně na vršek.. Slunce.... Sluníčko, prostě.... proudilo do všech oken. Do smrti, do smrti na to nezapomenu. - On the bottom of the sea we have a failsafe mechanism. It pulled up the anchor of the city from the bottom of the sea with great force. We.... we were.... we were scared. That was incredible, what happened? And that noise. The whole city was shaking, it was like an earthquake. That was so incredible. And then we were moving. The whole city was rising. It was rising up, rising up to the ocean surface. It was, it was really incredible and the towers broke through the surface. We were going up. Water, waves, waterfalls were falling down from the heights. And we... we were shot up, right to the top. Sun... just shine... It was shining through all the windows. I'll remember it for the rest of my life... for the rest of my life.

Zelenka: Drž se, miláčku. - Take care, honey.

Duet [2.04]

Zelenka: No jo... Tak jo děcka, do toho, jdeme, jdeme, jdeme, musíme tohle dodělat, pojdte už, honem! - Yeah... Okay kids, come on, go go go, we have to finish it, come on, move on!

Critical Mass [2.13]

Zelenka: Ty vole "Say hi to the kids for me", já ti dám, ty seš takovej vůl. - You idiot, 'Say hi to the kids for me' , you're gonna get it from me, you're such an idiot.

Grace Under Pressure [2.14]

Zelenka: Do prdele, to je na hovno tohle to, kdo to vymyslel že budeme pod vodou tentokrát? -"For cryin' out loud", this sucks. We're gonna be under water this time - whose idea was that?

No Man's Land [3.01]

Zelenka: I am trying, do prdele! ("Do prdele!" is a very impolite expression of anger and frustration. It literally means, "into the ass".)

Irresistible [3.03]

Zelenka: To je frajer teda, to je... - That's a cool guy, heh, that is...

Zelenka: On letí, on tak krásně letí... - He's flying, he's flying so beautifully...

McKay and Mrs. Miller [3.08]

McKay: Měj se. - Take care.

Echoes [3.12]

Zelenka: Zaplať pánbůh. - Thank goodness.

Doppelganger [4.04]

Zelenka: Vždycky jsem to já kdo to musí udělat. - It's always me who has to do this.

Quarantine [4.13]

Zelenka: I'll have the power off in no time. Ježiš, to je neuvěřitelný, já jsem takovej debil! Si bude myslet, že jsem naprostej idiot. (peeps in) Nó, tak co mně zbejvá, no... Tohleto né...(groaning) Se sem nevejdu...fuj to smrdí! (looks down) Ježišmarija... (looks around) Jéžiš, to snad né... - I'll have the power off in no time. Jesus, that's unbelievable, I'm SUCH a moron! She'll think I'm a total idiot. (peeps in) Well, what else should I do? No, not this again...(groaning) Don't fit here...ugh, this place stinks! (looks down) Jesus Christ... (looks around) Oh tell me it's not happening!

Taglines

  • A new gate will open. A lost city will rise again.

See also

External links

Wikipedia
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