Still Standing

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Ideas are fatal to caste.
Edward M. Forster
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Still Standing is an American comedy television series. It debuted on CBS on September 30, 2002, and ended March 8, 2006. Lifetime obtained the U.S. syndication rights to the show in February 2005 and now airs every weekday on Lifetime and in syndication on cable networks and various broadcast stations. Still Standing aired for four seasons and won three awards over that time.

Judy: What are you going to do while I'm having book club?
Bill: Probably order a pizza and watch Behind the Music.
Judy: Who's on tonight?
Bill: Who cares? Someone's gonna get fat, someone's gonna go broke, and someone's gonna find God... I love that show.


Judy: So, how was work?
Bill: Judy, I sell toilets. Let's save thirty seconds out of each day and assume that it sucked until further notice!


Bill: So son, why didn't you join the football team?
Brian Miller: Well, it was getting in the way of my debate team practices.
Bill: You never told me you were on the debate team!
Brian Miller: Yes, I did.
Bill: No, you didn't.
Brian Miller: Yes, I did.
Bill: Damn, you're good.


Bill: Come on Judy, let's go brain storm.
Brian Miller: That'll be a light drizzle.


Bill: Judy, who would want to go to a Mother's Day high tea?
Brian Miller: Wow, did someone say high tea? Can I go?
Judy: No, Brian, it's a mother-daughter tradition in my family. And Lauren is going for the first time!
Brian Miller: That's not fair. I'd appreciate a high tea more than her.
Bill: Pick a team, son. Pick a team.


Judy: You kids shouldn't drink alcohol. It's dangerous and makes you do stupid things.
Bill: [laughs] Hey, Judy, remember that time when I was a senior in high school, and got so drunk that I... [Judy glares]
Bill: uh, fell to my death?


Judy: Bill, why are you hosing down the backyard?
Bill: Simple. When our lesbian neighbors see how muddy and disgusting our backyard is, they'll give us that zoning permit to build a deck and a video of them playing shower games with each other.


Bill: [running to the bathroom] This is gonna be a photo finish!


Bill: I'll have you know I graduated second out of my class... among the three of us that had to finish up over the summer.


Judy: Is it just me, or is Bonnie getting a little bossy?
Bill: No, you're bossy too.


Lauren Miller: Dad, I need some help with my homework.
Bill: Yeah, I know, I've seen your grades.


Bill: This family supports each other.
Lauren Miller: Since when?
Judy: Okay, it's something new we're trying.


Brian Miller: This is Chris. He's our new neighbor, and he's also in some of my A.P. classes, so I'm just showing him the ropes.
Lauren Miller: [to Chris] Did he show you the one in gym he can't climb?


Judy: Lauren, do you have any idea what your brother's been doing with all his money?
Lauren Miller: Apparently, not hiding it as well as I hide mine.
Bill: You have money?
Lauren Miller: No.


Judy: Come on in, kids, Dad took care of dinner!
Tina Miller: Yay, pizza!
Judy: No, he made a meal.
Tina Miller: Yay, frozen pizza!


Bill: What's for dinner?
Judy: Remember what we had last night? Cream of that.


Bill: I'll go talk to the boy. I'm a toilet salesman, I know how to get stuff out of people.


Bill: There's a kite club?
Brian Miller: Yeah, I'm vice-president.
Bill: So, if the president can't fulfill his duties, *you* get beat up by the football team.


Judy: Don't you think there's a little double-standard there?
Bill: Not at all. I have one standard for Brian and another different standard for Lauren. That way, they each get their own.
Judy: I was gonna say that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I wanna wait to hear what you have to say next.


[the doorbell rings]
Judy: Can somebody get that?
Brian Miller: Busy!
Tina Miller: Busy!
Bill: Lazy!


Judy: [reading a letter that Bill wrote in the event of his death] Dear Judy: Snow shovels behind the garage. XO, Dead Bill. P.S.-Boo.
Bill: No, no! You have to read it in a scary voice, like this- Booooo!


Brian Miller: [Bill and Judy come to Brian's school] Oh no, it IS you two!
Judy: What do you mean, 'it is us'?
Brian Miller: Everyone's saying that a hooker and her parole officer are walking around looking for me. I was hoping...
Bill: Hear that, Judy? I'm married to a hooker!