The only reason they come to see me is that I know that life is great—and they know I know it.Clark Gable
- Don't tell that retard Fogell
- You ruined everything Fagell...now...Seth's gotta fix it.
- Now I know why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death...Listen, the point is, I reached my ass-getting peak way too early.
- What, you think Becca's gonna be psyched that you brought spermacidal lube? "Oh, Evan! Thank you so much for bringing that bottle of lube for my pussy! I could never handle your fucking four-inch dick in my pussy without your gigantic bottle of LUBE!"
- And then she flips out and goes and tells the principal. And then he fucking flips out. Turns out this principal is some kind of religious fanatic and thinks I'm possessed by some kind of dick devil!
- She's DTF... she's Down To Fuck, man.....she wants to fuck man !
- Miss each other? No thank you, I don't miss each other...what?
- I have to tell you a secret...
- We're gonna party and get our drinks on and get crunk! Chicka-chicka-yeah, fake ID, fake ID, I'm tight!
- [Seth has just been hit by Francis the Driver]
- Francis the Driver: I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I have a warrant out for a totally non-violent crime. Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys.
- Seth: Well, I'll be honest with you for a second.
- Francis the Driver: Okay.
- Seth: You better get us a shit load of cash or a shit load of alcohol or you're going to fucking prison.
- Evan: What are you doing, man?! That's--You don't need to--
- Francis the Driver: Okay.
- Evan: No, let's not--Let's hang on a second here.
- Seth: Cough it up.
- Francis the Driver: Fine.
- Evan: I don't know if we should be doing anything too official.
- Francis the Driver: Let's work together. We're working together. It's like "Let's Make a Deal". Here we go.
- Seth: Seven dollars?! What are you, six years old? This isn't enough!
- Francis the Driver: It's all I have, man. That's all I have.
- Seth: Well, you better think of something quickly, alright? Ah, my back!
- Francis the Driver: No-no-no-no-no. Wait.
- Seth: My back! Cops, my back.
- Francis the Driver: Wait, don't do that. Alright, listen. I can get you alcohol. I'm going to this party right now, bro. Okay? It's got booze, it's got girls. Booze and girls equals...I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Do you? I think you do. Do you?
- Fogell: Yo, guys! 'Sup?
- Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a god damn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
- Fogell: No-no, man. I got it, It is flawless. Check it!
- Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to...McLovin?
- Fogell: Yeah.
- Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
- Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
- Seth: And you landed on McLovin?
- Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
- Seth: Why the fuck would it be between that or Muhammed?! Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
- Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
- Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
- Fogell: Have you actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
- Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
- Fogell: Know what, fuck you, man.
- Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
- Evan: What?! One name? One name?! Who are you, Seal?
- Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?!
- Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass face. Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. How many 21-year-olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?
- Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's--It's a fine ID. It'll--It's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think "Here's another kid with a fake ID" or "Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor." Okay? So what's it gonna be?
- Fogell: [grinning] I am McLovin!
- Seth: No, you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made-up, dumb, fucking fairy tale name, you fuck!
- Fogell: Oh, oh, I forgot to tell you. My mom said we could have the TV from the basement--
- Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet. Wait until he goes away.
- Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together?
- Evan: Fogell, shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin.
- Seth: Well when I was younger I used to have this problem...I used to sit around all day and draw pictures of dicks...
- Seth: Draw pictures of dicks...
- Evan: Dicks? Like a...like a man dick?
|Bill Hader||Officer Slater|
|Seth Rogen||Officer Michaels|
|Joe Lo Truglio||Frankie|