The Brady Bunch

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The Brady Bunch (1969 - 1974) was an American television situation comedy, airing on ABC, based around a large blended family.


Theme song

  • 'Til the one day when the lady met this fellow,
    And they knew that it was much more than a hunch,
    That's this group would somehow form a family,
    That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch
    The Brady Bunch (2x)
    That's the way they became the Brady Bunch.

Season 1

The Honeymoon [1.1]

Alice: I don’t blame you for being nervous, Mr. Brady. This is a very important Saturday.
Mike: [puts sugar into his coffee] Why should I be nervous? What makes you think I’m nervous?
Alice: It’s the first time I ever saw you take twenty-one spoons of sugar.
Mike: [pauses] I like it sweet.

Carol: [on the phone] Cindy thought there are real butterflies in my stomach.
Mike: You’re lucky if you only get butterflies. I’ve got six flying saucers in mine.

Carol: [stressed, hair undone, in the middle of using make up] How could you girls sit there and say I look beautiful?
Cindy: Because we love you.

Peter: [to Mike] I once saw a movie where a man was getting married. He was so nervous. He forgot to put his pants on.
Bobby: [looks under the table] You’re OK, dad.

Peter: [to Carol, about Mike] This morning he put 21 spoons sugar into the coffee
Mike: You’re exaggerating.
Bobby: But he didn’t forget his pants.

Desk clerk: Oh, Mr. Brady, you have signed this Mr. Brady, Mrs. Brady and family.
Mike: Hmm, I forgot. It’s force of habit. Kids aren’t with us.
Desk clerk: But you did ask for the honeymoon suite.
Carol: Oh, it’s quite alright Mr. Pringle. You see …
Mike: [interrupts her] It’s quite alright darling. No need to explain. It’s obvious that this gentleman doesn’t dig the modern generation.

Mike: How would you girls like to come along with us?
Jan: On your honeymoon?
Carol: That’s right.
Cindy: Alright. I’ve never been on a honeymoon.
Jan: Neither have I, and I am older than you are.

Greg: I’m going back to bed.
Peter: Aren’t you going with us?
Greg: Not me, I’m too old to go on a honeymoon.
Bobby: Dad’s older than you are and he’s going.

Dear Libby [1.2]

Cindy: You cheated.
Bobby: I did not. And besides: You didn’t see me.
Cindy: I did too!

Carol: I don’t hear anything
Mike: What’s the matter with that?
Carol: Six kids and no noise. That’s what’s the matter with that… I’ve never heard such a loud silence.

Cindy: [upon finding out it's another family] I sure am glad we're not Harry Hopeless!

Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy [1.3]

Alice: Anyone offering a trip to Europe for the right answer?

Alice: Look who gets to go.
Cindy: [takes off blindfold] Brazil!

Cindy: [as she picks off flower petals] Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore [1.4]

Katchoo [1.5]

Carol: I'm afraid we were going to get rid of daddy!

A Clubhouse Is Not a Home [1.6]

Mike: Well then?
Greg: We're sick of doing all these things.
Peter: Do this, do that, they're a real pain.
Bobby: Yeah, they're too bossy.

Kitty Karry-All Is Missing [1.7]

[Mike is explaining circumstantial evidence]
Bobby: Circum-special?
Mike: No, circumstantial. It means things look different than they really are.
Cindy: You mean like when a lady puts on false eyelashes?

A-Camping We Will Go [1.8]

Bobby: Well I guess women are okay for somethings.

Sorry, Right Number [1.9]

Every Boy Does It Once [1.10]

Marcia: Hi and bye, small fry.

Vote for Brady [1.11]

The Voice of Christmas [1.12]

Alice: You're guaranteed to be cured in 24 hours.
Carol: 24 hours!!?
Alice: Unless you break out in a rash. Then you take it off.

Peter: [to Alice] You can't throw the turkey away, it's got my favorite dressing.

Cindy: He's better than a doctor, he's Santa Claus!

Greg: Now, don't let the girls catch you hiding these.
Bobby: If they catch me, should I eat the present?
Peter: Eat it! [to Greg] He's been watching too many of those spy programs.

Is There a Doctor in the House? [1.13]

Greg: It's sure great how some people can sing while other people are dying!

Alice: You got everything here?
Carol: Well, I think so. [to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas] There are 6 luncheon trays, 5 comic books, 4 jigsaw puzzles, 3 magic tricks, 2 ice cream bars,...
Carol and Mike: And one cow bell!

Peter: What's a 5-letter word for exhaustion?
Alice: Alice!

[Greg complains about his lunch]
Mike: That's a feast fit for a king!
Greg: Well then give it to the king and give me some baloney!

Marica: Gentlemen...if you don't like the conversation in this room....
Jan: Which by-the-way happens to be a WOMAN'S room....
Marcia: True! Then you can simply VAMOOSE!
Jan: Scram!

Carol: Oh, Mike! Why don't we just put it off until you decide which doctor?
Mike: At this point I'd SETTLE for a witch doctor.

[Someone makes a comment about taking Jan's boat]
Jan: Who cares? I get seasick, anyway.

Father of the Year [1.14]

54-40 and Fight [1.15]

Cindy: Me first!
Bobby: Why you?
Cindy: 'Cause I'm a lady!
Bobby: Aaaawwhhhh.
Cindy: I am a lady, if you say I'm not, I'll bop you!

Mike's Horror-Scope [1.16]

Carol: [to Beebe after Bobby and Cindy's fight ends up in her being squirted in the face with a squirt gun] ...they didn't mean any harm...!
Beebe: Neither did Frankenstein!

The Undergraduate [1.17]

Tiger, Tiger! [1.18]

The Big Sprain [1.19]

Alice: [who has just tripped] My foot played a game of Chinese checkers...and lost.

Brace Yourself [1.20]

Marcia: [about her braces] Tell me the honest truth. Do I look funny?
Cindy: Of course not, Marcia. You look beautiful.
Jan: Thanks, Cindy!
Cindy: But how do you get the toothpaste through all that barbed wire?

Jan: [when Cindy is about to go into the bathroom] Marcia's in there.
Cindy: Daddy said to act natural--and I always barge in on Marcia when she's in the bathroom!

Alan: I can't take you to the dance.
Marcia: Why not?
Alan: Well, my parents are going out of town.
Marcia: So what?
Alan: I have to go with them.
Marcia: I don't believe you. You just don't want to be seen with a girl who has braces, like I do now. I hate you, Alan Anthony. I hate EVERYBODY!
Alan: Marcia, Marcia.

The Hero [1.21]

Alice: [to the deliveryman] You keep calling me sweetie, gorgeous & beautiful, and I'll follow you anywhere!

Alice: [seeing Peter on the paper] Leapin' caterpillars! We got ourselves a real celebrity!

Jason: Sorry, I can't make it. I have my piano lessons.
Peter: I didn't know you knew how to play the piano.
Jason: I don't. That's why I gotta take lessons.

The Possible Dream [1.22]

Desi Arnaz Jr.: How about that! I never thought I'd top Captain Kangaroo!

To Move or Not to Move [1.23]

Carol: [about the first strange noise] WHAT was that?
Alice: It sounded like a cow died in the driveway.

Carol: [about the strange noises] It's probably just the wind against the shutters.
Alice: That would be a good guess, Mrs. Brady... if there was a wind... or we had shutters.

Mrs. Hunsacker: You folks sure pick a strange time of the year to celebrate Halloween.

Bert Grossman: [trying to explain the strange noises] It was probably just the wind through the willow grove.
[the noises start again]
Mrs. Hunsacker: That was no wind through a willow grove.

The Grass is Always Greener [1.24]

Lost Locket, Found Locket [1.25]

[During the re-enactment of the locket's disappearance; Bobby got back in bed]
Bobby: Can I spit out my toothpaste?
Greg: Why didn't you spit it out in the bathroom?
Bobby: You said we had to just what we did before. I didn't spit then now cause I didn't spit then. And you know somethin'?
Greg: What?
Bobby: It's hard to talk with your mouth full of toothpaste.

Season 2

The Dropout [2.1]

The Babysitters [2.2]

The Slumber Caper [2.3]

Jenny: Sure, I'm your friend Marcia.

The Un-Underground Movie [2.4]

Greg: Peter, snow!

Going, Going... Steady [2.5]

Call Me Irresponsible [2.6]

The Treasure of Sierra Avenue [2.7]

Cindy: Want a piece of licorice?
Bobby: Yeah!
Cindy: I bet you do!

A Fistful of Reasons [2.8]

Buddy Hinton: Baby talk, baby talk, it's the wonder you can walk.
Cindy: You stop that Buddy Hinton!
Buddy Hinton: Stop that! Oh witty bitty baby talk. There is no witty bitty baby talk say something. Come on, say something.

The Not So Ugly-Duckling [2.9]

The Tattletale [2.10]

Carol: Strain a guppy out of his fish tank?
Greg: Tattletale!
Mike: All right, that's enough.
Cindy: But I didn't do anything wrong. Peter stained the guppy.
Mike: All right what Peter did was wrong and what you did was wrong, too. You know that's none of your business. Your tattling is not right and could get other people into trouble.

Bobby: I'm not lending everything to a snitcher!
Cindy: I'm not a snitcher. I just tell it like it is.
Bobby: Well I'm not lending you my skate key after the way you squealed on Greg and Peter!
Cindy: Okay, I'll tell what you did yesterday.
Bobby: You little fink!

What Goes Up... [2.11]

Tiger: [barking and running down the stairs]
Bobby: Mom, Dad, my parakeet's loose! Tiger, stop scaring my parakeet!

Confessions, Confessions [2.12]

Bobby: Mom always says don't play ball in the house.

The Impractical Joker [2.13]

Where There's Smoke [2.14]

Cindy: Greg's smoking.

Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up? [2.15]

The Drummer Boy [2.16]

Coming Out Party [2.17]

Our Son, The Man [2.18]

Greg: Remember dad we're not talking man-to-man, not kid-to-man man-to-man, but man-to-man, man-to-man.

The Liberation of Marcia Brady [2.19]

Lights Out [2.20]

The Winner [2.21]

Doubled Packed [2.22]

Alice's September Song [2.23]

Tell It Like It Is [2.24]

Season 3

Ghost Town U.S.A [3.1]

Grand Canyon or Bust [3.2]

The Brady Braves [3.3]

The Wheeler Dealer [3.4]

My Sister, Benedict Arnold [3.5]

Peter: When are you going to grow up?
Bobby: When I get older.

The Personality Kid [3.6]

Juliet Is The Sun [3.7]

Jan: (to Marcia) Well lah-de-dah!
Cindy: What does that mean?
Jan: It means Marcia's being a pain in the neck.
Cindy: Lah-de-dah!

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor [3.8]

The Private Ear [3.9]

Her Sisters's Shadow [3.10]

Click [3.11]

Getting Davy Jones [3.12]

The Teeter Totter Caper [3.14]

Dough-Re-Mi [3.16]

Season 4

Hawaii Bound [4.1]

Pass the Tabu [4.2]

The Tiki Caves [4.3]

Today, I Am A Freshman [4.4]

Cyrano De Brady [4.5]

Peter: I don't trust you, you stole my girl!
Greg: I did not steal your girl.
Peter: You did.
Bobby: You guys should stop aguring, I'm getting out of here.

Fright Night [4.6]

Jan, The Only Child [4.8]

Career Fever [4.9]

Greg's Triangle [4.11]

Bobby's Hero [4.17]

The Subject Was Noses [4.18]

Marcia: Hey you guys... [her nose gets hurt by football] Oh, my nose!

How To Succeed in Business [4.19]

Room At The Top [4.23]

Season 5


External links

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