The Cable Guy
Love is seeing without eyes, hearing without ears; hatred is nothing.Doug Horton
- Hard to believe they got the floors cleaned in here after what happened...they had alot of cats.
- Oh, Billy!
- Uh-oh, Steven called the fuzz! Bad boy, bad boy. Watcha gonna do?
- Could you scoot over just a tad, thanks.
- I just wanted to be your friend...but I screwed it up.
- I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable!
- I learned the facts of life, by watching The Facts of Life.
- Someone has to kill the baby sitter!
- Ok I'm takin off....See ya....bye....
- I just wanted to hang out, NO BIG DEAL!
- Hail to thee fair wench! Does thoU have a mug of ale for me and me mate? For he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and hath a king's thirst for the frosty brew.
- (Lisping) You stupid son of a bitch.
- WOW, nice jump, Spiderman!
- You know, the problem with real life is, there's no danger music (begins humming).
- (Whispers) Am I really your buddy?
- Cream in his-cream in his-pants-pants-pants.
- I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, you seem to prefer the latter.
- We could have been blood brothers!
- Time to take a ride on the information superhighway.
- Robin showed me the birthmark on her left shoulder, it was VERY sexy! (he begins slurping)
- I'm just talking trash.
- THIS IS YOUR DESTINY!!!!
- Are you going to eat your skin? (takes meat from Steven's plate, then puts it on his face) Silence of the La-hams! "Hello Clarece its good to see you again."
- Suck it, suck the air. Wow from his angle you look just like Dizty Guziletpy (scating) Salt Peanuts, Salt Peanuts.
- Steven, I think your machine is-
- Yeah, I was taking a shower and I heard the phone ring, has that ever happened to you? Call me back later, we'll talk about it.
- But returning my calls ISN'T?!
- You can watch the louve on one chanel or watch female mud wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam.
- Theres' no end to the possibilites!
- Haven't you heard of Porno Password? It's the adult version of the popular game show!
- Heard your lady friend kicked you out.
- Come on! Come on baby! Show me where you're naked. Come on. You like this? Oh yeah...That's your sweet spot right there.
- Would you like some juice?
- cable guy. CABLE GUY! ok i guess i will go see ya!
- I was gonna go to that bed and bath place, and now it's closed.
- But I didn't do anything.
- Rick: You may know his boss, Larry Tate. From a little show called, Be-witched.
- Robin: Oh...hey, what's up?
- Cop: Play us a song!
- Chip: Oh, no! I couldn't...alright already. You might recongnize this song as preformed by Jefferson Airplane in a little Rocumentary about the Rolling Stones in their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight...it's my turn!
- Chip: We met about a week ago and hit it off!
- Rick: Oh, really? That's sweet! Alright, you're on my team!
- Chip: Sorry, only on Steven's team.
- Rick: Alright let's play.
- Chip: Alright, let's see what you got white shadow!
- Chip: (after Steven just punched him) You're gonna have to do better than that Steven! Steven? Steven! Hey my lisp is gone!
- Steven: (Punches Chip again.)
- Chip: (with lisp) Oh, you stupid son of a bitch!
- He Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy.
- For Steve Kovac, The Price Of Cable...Just Went Up.
- Jim Carrey-Chip/Ernie Douglas/Larry Tate/Ricky Ricardo
- Matthew Broderick-Steve
- Leslie Mann-Robin
- Jack Black-Rick