The Cable Guy

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The Cable Guy is a 1996 film about a cable guy who stalks one of his customers after installing their cable.

Directed by Ben Stiller. Written by Lou Holtz, Jr.
I Can Be Your Best Friend...Or Your Worst Enemy! taglines

Chip Douglas

  • Hard to believe they got the floors cleaned in here after what happened...they had alot of cats.
  • Oh, Billy!
  • Uh-oh, Steven called the fuzz! Bad boy, bad boy. Watcha gonna do?
  • Could you scoot over just a tad, thanks.
  • I just wanted to be your friend...but I screwed it up.
  • I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable!
  • I learned the facts of life, by watching The Facts of Life.
  • Someone has to kill the baby sitter!
  • Ok I'm takin off....See ya....bye....
  • I just wanted to hang out, NO BIG DEAL!
  • Hail to thee fair wench! Does thoU have a mug of ale for me and me mate? For he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and hath a king's thirst for the frosty brew.
  • (Lisping) You stupid son of a bitch.
  • WOW, nice jump, Spiderman!
  • You know, the problem with real life is, there's no danger music (begins humming).
  • (Whispers) Am I really your buddy?
  • Cream in his-cream in his-pants-pants-pants.
  • I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, you seem to prefer the latter.
  • We could have been blood brothers!
  • Time to take a ride on the information superhighway.
  • Robin showed me the birthmark on her left shoulder, it was VERY sexy! (he begins slurping)
  • I'm just talking trash.
  • Are you going to eat your skin? (takes meat from Steven's plate, then puts it on his face) Silence of the La-hams! "Hello Clarece its good to see you again."
  • Suck it, suck the air. Wow from his angle you look just like Dizty Guziletpy (scating) Salt Peanuts, Salt Peanuts.
  • Steven, I think your machine is-
  • Yeah, I was taking a shower and I heard the phone ring, has that ever happened to you? Call me back later, we'll talk about it.
  • But returning my calls ISN'T?!
  • You can watch the louve on one chanel or watch female mud wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam.
  • Theres' no end to the possibilites!
  • Haven't you heard of Porno Password? It's the adult version of the popular game show!
  • Heard your lady friend kicked you out.
  • Come on! Come on baby! Show me where you're naked. Come on. You like this? Oh yeah...That's your sweet spot right there.
  • Would you like some juice?
  • cable guy. CABLE GUY! ok i guess i will go see ya!

Steve Kovac

  • I was gonna go to that bed and bath place, and now it's closed.
  • Bastard!
  • But I didn't do anything.


  • Rick: You may know his boss, Larry Tate. From a little show called, Be-witched.
  • Robin: Oh...hey, what's up?


Cop: Play us a song!
Chip: Oh, no! I couldn't...alright already. You might recongnize this song as preformed by Jefferson Airplane in a little Rocumentary about the Rolling Stones in their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way.'s my turn!

Chip: We met about a week ago and hit it off!
Rick: Oh, really? That's sweet! Alright, you're on my team!
Chip: Sorry, only on Steven's team.
Rick: Alright let's play.
Chip: Alright, let's see what you got white shadow!

Chip: (after Steven just punched him) You're gonna have to do better than that Steven! Steven? Steven! Hey my lisp is gone!
Steven: (Punches Chip again.)
Chip: (with lisp) Oh, you stupid son of a bitch!


  • He Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy.
  • For Steve Kovac, The Price Of Cable...Just Went Up.


External links

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