The Cosby Show
- 1 Season 1
- 1.1 Theo's Economic Lesson
- 1.2 Goodbye,Mr.Fish
- 1.3 Bad Dreams
- 1.4 Is That My Boy?
- 1.5 A Shirt Story
- 1.6 Breaking With Tradition
- 1.7 One More Time
- 1.8 Play it One More
- 1.9 How Ugly is He?
- 1.10 Bonjour Sondra
- 1.11 You're Not a Mother Night
- 1.12 Rudy's Sick
- 1.13 Father's Day
- 1.14 Independence Day
- 1.15 Physician of the Year
- 1.16 Jitterbug Break
- 1.17 Theo and the Joint
- 1.18 Vanessa's New Class
- 1.19 Clair's Case
- 1.20 Back to the Track,Jack
- 1.21 The Younger Woman
- 1.22 Slumber Party
- 1.23 Mr.Quiet
- 1.24 Cliff's Birthday
- 2 Season 2
- 3 First Day of School
- 4 Theo and the Older Woman
- 5 Denise Drives
- 6 Season 4
- 6.1 Call of the Wild
- 6.2 Theogate
- 6.3 It Ain't Easy Being Green
- 6.4 Cliff's Mistake
- 6.5 Shakespeare
- 6.6 That's Not What I Said
- 6.7 Autumn Gifts
- 6.8 Looking Back: Part 1
- 6.9 Looking Back: Part 2
- 6.10 Where's Rudy?
- 6.11 Dance Mania
- 6.12 The Locker Room
- 6.13 The Show Must Go On
- 6.14 Bookworm
- 6.15 Twinkle, Twinkle little star
- 6.16 The Visit
- 7 Season 7
- 7.1 Same Time Next Year
- 7.2 Bird in the Hand
- 7.3 The Last Barbecue
- 7.4 Period of Adjustment
- 7.5 It' All in the Game
- 7.6 Getting the Story
- 7.7 Just Thinking About it Part 1
- 7.8 Just Thinking About it Part 2
- 7.9 The Infantry has Landed (And they've Fallen Off the Roof)
- 7.10 You Can Go Home Again
- 7.11 It's A Boy
- 7.12 Clair's Liberation
- 7.13 Theo's Final Final
- 7.14 Attack of the Killer B's
- 7.15 Total Control
- 7.16 Adventures in Babysitting
- 7.17 27 and Still Cooking
- 7.18 The Return of the Clairetts
- 7.19 No More Mr.Nice Guy
- 7.20 Home Remedies
- 7.21 Nightmare on Stigwood Avenue
- 7.22 There's Still No Joy in Mudville
- 7.23 Cliff and Jake
- 7.24 Theo and the Kids Part 1
- 7.25 Theo and the Kids Part 2
- 8 Unsorted
- 9 External links
Theo's Economic Lesson
Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son. Cliff:' Theo...thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard! No wounder you get Ds and everything. You're a afraid to try, because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and its going to ooze out of your ear. Now you are going to try because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world and I will take you out.
Cliff: Theo, your mother asked me to come up here and kill you.
Clair: Theres a new rule in this house, starting now: No one's to touch anyone anywhere with anything for the rest of their lives!
Cliff: Take the sunglasses off! Put the sunglasses on!
Is That My Boy?
A Shirt Story
- Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
- Theo: Thirty?!
- Cliff: kay then, five!
- Clair: Theo, put on your coat.
- Theo: And cover up my Itchy Amorada?
Breaking With Tradition
One More Time
Play it One More
How Ugly is He?
You're Not a Mother Night
Physician of the Year
Theo and the Joint
Vanessa's New Class
Back to the Track,Jack
The Younger Woman
First Day of School
Cliff:(to Theo) You worked hard this summer.I've never seen anyone work so hard at begging.Begging for money for pizza.Begging to stay up late to chase after little girls who don't love you.
(Theo is wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off)
Cliff: Theo is that the shirt we bought?
Cliff: Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?
Theo: Yeah, they're upstairs.
Cliff: Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?
Cliff:(after saying how expensive the sweatshirt was) Now, if fasion dictates that you cut sleeves off, that's fine with me.But somehow, somewhere, in this lifetime, you will wear those sleeves.
Theo and the Older Woman
Cliff:(about Theo flirting on Denise's freind) The girl doesn't understand that the boy is fifteen years-old.At fifteen the boy would hit on a snake.
Theo: It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.
Call of the Wild
It Ain't Easy Being Green
That's Not What I Said
Looking Back: Part 1
Looking Back: Part 2
- Cliff: I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you 'watch your sister', by the time it travels to your brain it turns to 'let her go wandering around the mall. And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver or maybe a brick!
- Clair: [Talking to Vanessa and Theo] Just go wait in the car.
- Cliff: No wait under the car.
The Locker Room
The Show Must Go On
Twinkle, Twinkle little star
Same Time Next Year
Bird in the Hand
The Last Barbecue
Period of Adjustment
It' All in the Game
- Clair: How about getting in the car to got to work and discovering your daughters understanding of 'empty' is 'I'll just park the car over here and mom fill it up'.
- Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack last time. You left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!
- Theo: Mom, you guys don't give us enough credit for understanding you.
- Clair: When have you understood us? And what have you understood? You, who are beyond understanding yourself. I don't understand, how could you possibly understand me?
- Cliff: [About Theo in little league] We watched the ball hit you in the face,we watched the ball you in the back, and a couple of times we watched you say as the ball went past: 'hey what's the big deal?' And finally the big game. The total score was 75-98. Between the two teams there was 3 hits, 672 errors, 3 kids were beaned, and we had to wait two hours for one kid to stop crying. The game was busted open by a grand-slam-bunt.
- Denise: How about when you have a date with a guy you really like?
- Vanessa: Go ahead, tell him Denise.
- Denise: And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...
- Cliff: Have a little talk.
- Denise: Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!
- Vanessa: You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples skinned it. And said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.
- Theo: Dad, all those stories we have come to find out are not true.
- Cliff: What? Who said? From who?
- Denise, Theo, Rudy, Vanessa: Grandpa!
- Cliff: You're going to believe a man that age?!
Getting the Story
Just Thinking About it Part 1
Just Thinking About it Part 2
The Infantry has Landed (And they've Fallen Off the Roof)
You Can Go Home Again
It's A Boy
Theo's Final Final
Attack of the Killer B's
Adventures in Babysitting
27 and Still Cooking
The Return of the Clairetts
No More Mr.Nice Guy
Nightmare on Stigwood Avenue
There's Still No Joy in Mudville
Cliff and Jake
Theo and the Kids Part 1
Theo and the Kids Part 2
- Rudy: It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.
- Vanessa: Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.
- Rudy: Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.
- Vanessa: You're the slop that pigs eat.
- Rudy You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.
- Cliff: Now Rudy, what did your grandpa do to make you all quiet?
- Rudy: He said if you all sit down quietly and smile, you'll give us all a dollar by morning.
- Clair: Denise is married and I don't even know her last name.
- Cliff: Mrs. Stupid.
- Rudy: This is woman stuff. I really need to talk to mom.
- Cliff: I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.
- Elvin: Why can't we just have simple bodies....like Dad.
- Cliff: This is your piece.
- Sondra: Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.
- Elvin: Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.
- Sondra: What feelings?
- Elvin: It is not the time or place.
- Sondra: No, what feelings?
- Elvin: Your neck.
- Sondra: What's wrong with my neck?!
- Elvin: It's a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.
- Theo: Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.
- Claire: Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.
- Cliff: How about some mustard.
- Claire: Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.
- Theo: Mom, it's ketchup. [Claire gives him a look]
- Cliff: Theo...[shakes his head no]
- Theo: Right mom, red stuff.
- Claire: Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?
- Vanessa: Mom, I'm Vanessa.
- Claire: Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?
- Pam: Coming right up.
- Claire: Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]
- Cliff: Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?
- Claire: Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?
- Vanessa: Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.
- Claire: And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.
- Theo: Mom would you like some peas?
- Claire: I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]
- Theo: We can make carrots mom.
- Claire: It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.
- Cliff: Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.
- Vanessa: Mom, its ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.
- Claire: My tear ducts are fine, it's my children who are so stupid!
- Claire & Cliff: Gotcha!
- Cliff: [Phone rings.] Oh,not another Vanessa caller. [answers.] Vanessa's residence? No,she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it's now 10:05, and she cannot take any calls past 10:00. No I cannot take a message, I am her father. I'm a doctor, I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.
- Cliff: [About his mother] When I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman all she wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength to knock us somewhere. And to this day I still do not know where kingdom come is. And all she is as far as I'm concerned is an old person trying to get into heaven now.
- Claire: [Singing the blues]What am I to do? Surrounded by all these men. My sailor man is at sea. Now what was his name again?
- Theo: I know I've been there.
- Claire: Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.
- Cliff: [Talking to Denise's boy-friend] If you don't plan on going to college then what do you plan on doing?
- David: I think I'm going to just spend some time trying to find myself.
- Cliff: And how long do you think thats going to take?
- David: About five or ten years.
- Cliff: In that amount of time you could find yourself and a few other people.
- Denise Dinners ready. '[as Cliff walks by']So how do you like him?
- Cliff: I don't know if it's him or not; he hasn't found himself yet.