The Emperor's New Groove

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They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.
Allan K. Chalmers
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The Emperor's New Groove is an animated comedy starring David Spade, John Goodman, Patrick Warburton and Eartha Kitt, with music by Sting and John Debney. The sleeper hit was released by Walt Disney Pictures at the end of the year 2000.

The film has spun off a sequel, Kronk's New Groove, and a TV series, The Emperor's New School.

Kuzco

  • [to Pacha]: Don't know, don't care. How's that?
  • [to Pacha]: When I give the word, your little town thingy will go bye-bye. Bye-bye! [Pacha is taken away]
  • [narrating]: [referring to Kronk's "theme music"] Big, dumb and tone-deaf. I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this.
  • [narrating]: Um, what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to me?
  • Yay, I'm a llama again! Wait...
  • [examining his brides]: Let's see here... hate your hair, not likely, yikes, yikes, yikes, and let me guess: you have a great personality.
  • [walks in soaking wet] Okay, why does she even have that lever? [kicks the alligator biting his tail; alligator whimpers and runs away]

Yzma

  • [about Kuzco] I'll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. And I'll put that flea in a box. And then I'll put that box in another box. Then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, [laughs maniacally] I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! [Knocks over the potion, which makes a plant explode] Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this!
  • Pull the lever, Kronk. [Kronk does so and sends her falling through the wrong hole] Wrong lever! [walks back, soaking wet, and being bitten by an alligator] Why do we even have that lever? [gives the alligator a backwards slap; alligator whimpers and runs away]
  • [Holding the human-potion after getting turned into a cat] Looking for this? [Realizes her voice is now high and squeaky] Is that my voice? [coughs] Is that my voice?! [pause] Oh well.
  • [as a cat] I'm not going to drop it, you fool - I'm going to drink it, and once I turn back into my beautiful self, I'm going to kill you! [laughs maniacally]

Others

  • Chicha: [smiling] Okay everybody, move aside. [pats her pregnant belly] Lady with a baby comin' through.
  • Guard: Come on, men, nobody lives forever! [At which point the guards jump down a hole and aren't seen again]
  • Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Don't listen to him. He's trying to lead you down the "path of righteousness". I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!
  • Guard: Hey, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?
  • Kronk: What are the odds that trap door would lead me out here?
  • Guard: For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline!

Dialogues

Kuzco: "...I'm a crumbling canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well not today, pal! [shuffling to dance] Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-uh.
Pacha [uncertainly]: You just saved my life.
Kuzco: Huh?link title

[After Kuzco fires Yzma, she takes out her anger by using a hammer to smash idol heads of him that Kronk puts out.]
Yzma: He can't get rid of me that easily! Who does that ungrateful little worm think he is?! Does he... [to Kronk, about a misplaced head] A little to the left.
[Kronk nudges the head so Yzma can smash it. She then continues to rant.]
Yzma: ... have any idea of who he's dealing with?! How could he do this to me?! Why, I practically raised him!
Kronk: Yeah, you'd think he would've turned out better.
Yzma: [dryly] Yeah. Go figure.
Kronk: Still, it's kinda better you're taking out your anger on these things instead of the real Kuzco, huh?
Yzma: [comes to a realisation] That's it, Kronk! That's it! I'll get rid of Kuzco!
Kronk: The real Kuzco?

[Yzma is shocked that her potion turned Kuzco into a llama instead of killing him]
Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job, now!
Kronk: But, what about dinner?
Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
Kronk: Not even dessert?
Yzma: [starts to protest, but stops] Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
Kronk: [hopefully] And coffee?
Yzma: All right, a quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job!

[After Kuzco realizes he's been turned into a llama]
Pacha: What happened?
Kuzco: [trying to calm down] I'm trying to figure that out, okay? [falls and starts whining again] I can't remember! I can't remember anything! Wait a minute. [turns towards Pacha] I remember you! I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was. And then you got mad at me-- [gasps in shock, then turns back to Pacha angrily] Then you turned me into a llama!
Pacha: Wha--! No, I did not!
Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!
Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me!
Pacha: What?!
Kuzco: [pauses] You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

[Pacha and Kuzco are swinging to safety]
Pacha: Don't worry your Highness. I got ya. You're safe now.
[The vine from which they are swinging from catches, spins them around numerous times and binds them firmly to a log]
Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?
Pacha: No, no, no. It's-It's okay. This-This is all right. We can figure this out.
[The log starts to break in two]
Kuzco: I hate you.
[The log breaks sending them plummeting to the ground]
Pacha & Kuzco: Nooo!
[Tied to the log, they drop into a fast-flowing river, hit a number of rocks, then luckily are bounced into far calmer waters]
Kuzco: I don't know about you, but I'm getting all funned out.
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: [resigned] Don't tell me: We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yep.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: [pause] Bring it on. [yells as they go over] Boo-yaaa!

[Kuzco is washing his mouth out with water]
Pacha: For the last time it was not a kiss.
Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, [Kuzco spits the water onto Pacha's fire, putting it out] it was disgusting. And if you would've done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life. [Kuzco shakes off the water from his fur which puts out the fire Pacha has just re-lit] But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace. I'll have Yzma change me back, and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia. Oh yeah!
Pacha: Okay, now look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here.
Kuzco: [uninterested] Umm-hmm.
[He starts drying himself off with Pacha's poncho]
Pacha: [continuing] I just think if you really thought about it, you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.
Kuzco: [finishes drying off] And why would I do that?
[He throws the poncho over the fire, putting it out again]
Pacha: Because [controls his anger] deep down, I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you.
Kuzco: And that's bad?
Pacha: Well, yeah. Uh, nobody's that heartless.
Kuzco: Mmmm. [pauses] Now take me back.
Pacha: What? Wait, wait. How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.
Kuzco: Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the program, eh, Pacha?
Pacha: You know what? Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Kuzco: [sarcastically] Thanks for that, I'll log that away. Now, for the final time, I order you to take me back to the palace.
Pacha: Looks to me like you're stuck out here. Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.
Kuzco: [imitating Pacha] Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back. Me, me, me. [Picks up an acorn and throws it at Pacha, hitting him on the head. Pacha looks round angrily] Huh? What? I didn't do anything. I didn't - Somebody's throwing stuff.

Yzma: Kronk, why did I think you could do this? This one simple thing. It's like I'm talking to a monkey.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Whoa now!
Yzma: A really, really, big, stupid monkey named Kronk!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Ouch.
Yzma: And would you like to know something else? I never liked your spinach puffs.
[Kronk, Shoulder Angel, and Shoulder Devil all gasp]
Yzma: Never!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: That's it! [cocks trident] She's goin' down.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Now, now. Remember guys: from above, the wicked shall receive their just reward. :[they look to the heavens and notice a chandelier as an angel chorus sings]
Kronk, Shoulder Angel, and Devil simultaneously: That'll work.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil: [while Kuzco in a bag is about to go over a very large waterfall] Listen big guy, I got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one: [points to Kronk's Shoulder Angel] Look at that guy! He's got that sissy, stringy, music thing.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: We've been through this; it's a harp, and you know it.
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: All right; that's a harp, and that's a dress.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Robe!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Reason number two: [as he does a one-handed handstand] Look what I can do!
Kronk: What does that have to do with any—
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: No, no, he's got a point.
Kronk: Look, you guys are confusing me, so, uh.... "be gone", or whatever I do to get rid of you guys.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel and Devil: That'll work. [they poof out of existence]

Kuzco: No touchie.
Pacha: Agh! Demon llama!
Kuzco: Demon llama?! Where![screams]

Chicha: So, what did the emperor want?
Pacha: [clears throat] Oh, you know what, he couldn't see me.
Chicha: [angrily] Couldn't see you? Why not?
Pacha: I don't know.
Chicha: Well-well, that's just rude!
Pacha: Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.
Chicha: No, no, no, no, no. NO! Emperor or no emperor, it's called common courtesy.
Pacha: Honey.
Chicha: If that were me, I'd march right back there and demand to see him and you know I would.
Pacha: Sweetie, sweetie. Think of the baby.
Chicha: Pacha, I'm fine. This baby's not coming out for while. But even if it was, I'd give that guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just- just- [snorts]. I gotta go wash something.

Chicha: [To Yzma] You know, I am so sorry that you had to come all this way. But, as I said to you before, you may recall, Pacha is not here. I'll be sure to tell him you came by.
Yzma: Oh, would you, please? That would be just great. [Yzma makes an exaggerated gesture that makes her knock her tea cup off the table] Oops. Silly me.
Chicha: No no. [exhaustedly] Allow me. [Chicha bends down to get the cup. Because she's pregnant, she has trouble picking it up.]

[After a long chase sequence, where Yzma and Kronk fell into a canyon, Kuzco and Pacha have reached Yzma's laboratory and are looking for the human potion in a cabinet]
Pacha: Let's see. Lions, tigers, bears-
[There are no bottles in the human section]
Yzma: Oh my. [Steps out of a shadow holding the potion] Looking for this?
Kuzco: No. It can't be! How did you get back here before us?
Yzma: Ah.... [Looks confused] How did we, Kronk?
Kronk: Well, ya got me. [Pulls down a chart displaying the progress of the previous chase] By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense.
Yzma: Oh well. Back to business.
Kuzco: [nervous] Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been; but Yzma, you really wanna kill me?!
Yzma: Just think of it as...you're being let go. That your life's going in a different direction. That your body is part of a permanent outplacement.
Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.
Yzma: I know. It's called a cruel irony. Like my dependence on you.

Cast

See Also

External link

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:

The Emperor's New Groove quotes at the Internet Movie Database