The Love Guru

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The man who says he has exhausted life generally means that life has exhausted him.
Oscar Wilde
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The Love Guru is a 2008 American comedy film, directed by Marco Schnabel and starring Mike Myers and Jessica Alba. Romany Malco and Justin Timberlake co-star. In addition to starring in the film, Myers wrote The Love Guru with Graham Gordy and produced it with Gary Barber. The film was released by Paramount Pictures on June 20, 2008 and was rated PG-13. The film was released on August 1 in the United Kingdom, and has been rated 12A.

Directed by Jay Roach. Written by Mike Myers.

Guru Pitka

  • In my Book, If you're happy and you know it, Think again. I speak of the teachings of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See. Intimacy is like putting your Veener on a table and having someone say. 'Hey, That looks like a Penis, Only smaller!' [Laughs] Only Smaller...
  • Although i was raised here in India, I was born in America. Which is where our journey begins it's the story of a hockey player, named Darren Roanoke. My most resistant student, who became my greatest teacher... Or some such bullshit, I don't know.
  • Is it made out of dog? Is it a dog's tingy, am I being punked?

If you ever sucker punch me again, I'll kick your ass all the way back to the keebler factory.

Short Jokes

  • Take it easy Frodo
  • I'm sorry i didn't catch your gnome...NAME!

Hockey Night

First Broadcast

[Trent] Hey I'm Trent Lueders.

[Jay] And I'm Jay Kell. Tonight, is all about champions. But before we get going, I'd like to start by thanking my own personal champions, The Fans who helped me with their cards and letters through my recent addiction to Payote Buttons and Franchellico. I've already apologized to my friends, my family and my god. Now i would like to apologize to Dame Judy Dench for my Ruthless and Vicious attack, I'm sorry Judy, You did not deserve that and I hope the staples come out soon. Over to you Trent...

[Trent] [Pause as Trent stares at Jay with a bewildered look] Thanks Jay, Tonight. Toronto Maple Leaves Darren Roanoke is the center for our player profile.

[Jay] Hockey has it's legends, now the new one, Darren Roanoke. Known as the Tiger Woods of Hockey, Roanoke brought the sport to a whole new audience. A Role Model, Turned Bad Boy. He was in the perfect marriage, But before the play-offs he stunned the world by seperating from his wife prudence. From role Model, to dating models... [Stupid smile on Jay's face and a long pause] Roanoke found out his wife prudence was dating the legendary LA Kings French-Canadian Goalie Jacques "Le Coq" Grande. He earned his nickname for reasons that cannot be stated on this programme. [Short interview where Le Coq reveals his Groin to an Interviewer who says 'Holy ****'] That's when roanoke fell apart. [Clips of Roanoke getting beaten down in hockey games] But the question on everyone's mind is, Can the Leaves win without roanoke?