True Lies

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Optimism and humor are the grease and glue of life. Without both of them we would never have survived our captivity.
Philip Butler
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True Lies is a 1994 action film about a secret agent who uses his intelligence resources to uncover his wife's affair.

Directed by James Cameron. Written by Claude Zidi, Simon Michaël, Didier Kaminka and James Cameron.
When he said I do, he never said what he did. taglines

Albert Gibson

  • What kind of a sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?
  • Get lost, dipshit.
  • Kids - 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery.
  • Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em.
  • The guy is a used car salesman! This just keeps getting better and better! [Harry gives him a dirty look] I'm sorry, Harry, l I know this is hard for you. But you gotta admit if this was me you'd be laughing your ass off!
  • [to Dana, who's wearing a helmet] Yeah, I remember the first time I got shot out of a cannon.
  • It's called ice and it's a little slick.
  • I'm beginning to like this guy. [Harry gives him a mean look] Oh, we've still gotta kill him. That's a given.
  • 30 seconds and counting. Ditch the bitch.
  • What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.
  • You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for fifteen years, Harry.
  • So your life's in the crapper. So your wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!
  • Harry? Harry? You do not have time to tango, buddy. You copy?
  • Ok, I've got two words form that. In. Sane.
  • You aren't her parents anymore, her parents are Axl Rose and Madonna, you can't compete with that kind of bombardment

Harry Tasker

  • What can I say? I'm a spy.
  • There is no us, you psychopathic bitch!
  • Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.
  • Cool off.
  • We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.
  • THE BRIDGE IS OOOUUUTTTT.
  • I'm going to walk right out the front gate.
  • slight change in plans.
  • DANA!
  • Just getting a better look at beavis and butthead.
  • Blow me.
  • Federal officer in pursuit of suspect, sorry.
  • BYE!
  • [After rescuing Helen from a terrorist] Honey, next time; DUCK!
  • [Rides into an elevator chasing a terrorist on a horse] Excuse me, can you press the button for the top floor please?

Helen Tasker

  • Fear is not an option.
  • I married Rambo!

Simon

  • Would a spy pee on himself?
  • Let's face it. The 'Vette... get 'em wet!
  • I have to lie to women to get laid. And I don't score much. I got a really small dick, it's pathetic.
  • Men want this for only one thing, pussy right.
  • Hey because it's you

Juno Skinner

  • Ok, Suzie Homemaker. Let's go.
  • My condolences to the widow.

Faisil

  • It's a scale really, with a perfect mission at one end and a total pooch screw at the other, and we're right about in the middle.

Spencer Trilby

  • Sweet Jesus, Harry, you surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you?
  • So far, this is not blowing my skirt up, gentlemen.

Dialogue

[about Harry's daughter]
Albert Gibson: Do you think she's still a virgin.
Harry Tasker: Don't be ridiculous, she's only - what is she now?
Albert Gibson: She's fourteen!
Harry Tasker: She's fourteen years old!
Albert Gibson: Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.

Harry Tasker: Helen is having an affair.
Albert Gibson: Welcome to the club!

Samir: Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?
Harry Tasker: Yeah: I'm going to kill you pretty soon.

Faisil: They call him the Sand Spider.
Spencer Trilby: Why?
Faisil: Probably because it sounds scary.

Harry Tasker: Ask me a question I would normally lie to.
Helen Tasker: Are we going to die?
Harry Tasker: Yep!

Helen Tasker: Have you ever killed anyone?
Harry Tasker: Yeah, but they were all bad.

Simon: Looks like she could suck start a leaf blower, Titties that make you want to sit up and ask for buttermilk, ass like a 10 year old boy.

Harry Tasker: You tell on me, I'll tell on you.
Albert Gibson: What are you talking about? I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm clean as...
Harry Tasker: What about the time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?
Albert Gibson: You knew about that?
Harry Tasker: Uh-huh.

[Talking about Helen Tasker, in a car with Simon.]
Helicopter Pilot: Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap all right. Yahoo.
Albert Gibson: [to Harry Tasker] Maybe she's sleepy.

[Simon is attempting to have sex with Helen.]
Helen Tasker: No, I can't. I can't!
[Simon is still persuing.]
Simon: If not for me, Helen, do it for your country!

Harry Tasker: The code name of your assignment will be Boris. And your code name will be...
Helen Tasker: [hopeful] Natasha?
Harry Tasker: No... Doris.

Albert Gibson: Care to tango?
Faisil: Yes, I would.
Harry Tasker: Assholes.

Faisil: [hacking the computer] Yes! Files are unlocked! Fast Faisil strikes again. I'm doing, man! I've got my hand up her skirt and I am goin...
Albert Gibson: Just copy the goddamn files, OK?

Harry Tasker: But what about their husbands?
Simon: Dickless! I mean let's face it, if they were taking care of business, I'd be out of business.

[Harry returns to the van after escaping the castle.]
Harry Tasker: Hi guys.
Albert Gibson: Well that worked real good. Right out of the old front gate.
Harry Tasker: Can you lean back for a second...
[Harry shoots two remaining pursuers.]

Harry Tasker: Can you hurry up. My horse is getting tired.
Albert Gibson: Your horse?

[Salim Abu Aziz reveals a nuclear weapon.]
Salim Abu Aziz: Do you know what this is?
Harry Tasker: I know what this is...
[Salim smiles]
Harry Tasker: This is an espresso machine.
[Salim frowns]
Harry Tasker: No, no wait. It's a snow cone maker.
[Salim approaches Harry]
Harry Tasker: Is it a water heater?

Harry Tasker: [To Salim, currently attached to a rocket] You're fired.

Albert Gibson: [over radio] All right twinkle toes, what's you exit strategy?
Harry Tasker: I'm gonna walk right out of the front gate.
Albert Gibson: [over radio] Ballsy. Stupid but ballsy.

[Harry is commandeering a Harrier to rescue his daughter.]
Albert Gibson: Harry, do you realize it has been, if fact, ten years since you've been behind the wheel of one of these things?
Harry Tasker: If I break it, they can take it outta my pay.

Harry Tasker: First I'm gonna use you as a human shield, then I'm gonna kill this guard over there, with the Patterson trocar on the table. Then I was thinking about breaking you neck.
Samir: And how are you going to do all that?
Harry Tasker: You know my handcuffs?
Samir: Hmm...
Harry Tasker: [holds up his hands] I picked them.

Albert Gibson: Dickhead.
Harry Tasker: Blow me.

Party Guard: Can I see your invitation?
Harry Tasker: Sure, here's my invitation. [blows shed sky-high]

[Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, and notices something, pulling over.]
Harry Tasker: Give me the page!
Albert Gibson: What?
Harry Tasker: This jumps from page 9 to page 11.
Albert Gibson: [looks at paper] Must be a typo.
Harry Tasker: [shouts] Give me the goddamn page.
[Harry smashes the passenger side of the window with his bare fist. Gibson looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat.]
Albert Gibson: OK.

Spencer Trilby: You're on Harry's team, right.
Faisil: Yes.
Spencer Trilby: So what makes you think that the slack I cut him in anyway translates to you?

Harry Tasker: The bridge is out!
Helen Tasker: What?
Harry Tasker: The bridge it out!
Helen Tasker: I can't hear you!
[Harry then points at the broken bridge.]
Helen Tasker: [panicing] Oh God! The bridge is out Harry! The bridge is out!

Taglines

  • When he said I do, he never said what he did.

Cast

External links

Wikipedia
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