Venom (The Series)

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The object of love is to serve, not to win.
Woodrow Wilson
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Season 1

The Venom Pilot

Venom: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my-- HEY WHERES MY BIKE!?
Manny: Probably at home, jerky.

Venom: We all feel like a creepy mad-man without a soul, just like Bart Simpson.

Unknown Man: Come to my place for family fun, because its Good, good, good, good, good, good, good!

Hello, My Names: Hello.
Venom: What's your name?
Hello, My Names: Hello, My Names.
Venom: Hehehe! I get it!
Hello, My Names: What's to get? Because this place just says their name not Hello: My Names: Some bozo, just your name, idiot. Or does that confuse you? (Venom walks away confused)

Venom: (Trying to make conversation) Uh, hello, uh, whats your name?
Mr. Croutch: Mr. Penis Croutch. What's it to ya?
Venom: To make conversation, uh, hello.
Mr. Croutch: Hey, unless you wanna talk about ALF I don't wanna talk.
Venom: S.......o.... who's ALF?
Mr. Croutch: I'm outta here.

Venom's Brain: Okay, I wanna job, now, I think this, BLOB guy will give me a job in News casting.
Mr. Blob: (He knocks on his door) WHAT THE HECK DO YOU WANT!!!!!!!????
Venom: Uh, can you give me a jo--
Mr. Blob: Deal.

Gun of The Commen Man

Man: Whoa, careful!
Venom: I don't gotta, I gotta gun!

(Subplot beginning)

Venom: Hey, what's goin' on?
Man: We're talking about Furbys.
Venom: Furb-a-what?
Man: Furby.
Venom: What what?
Man: Ugh...

Hello Gutter, Hello Pinner

:Venom: *After he beats a hobo for $500,000,000* I BOWLED A PERFECT 300!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GREASTEST DAY OF MY-- Ohh... Hobo, here, take $500,000.
Hobo: *He takes it all* Yoink!
Venom: HEY!

They Maimed Hitler's Brain Part 1

They Maimed Hitler's Brain Part 2

Venom: I hate that we all Don't have guns!

Venom: The year is 1940? I better prevent the people from saving Hitler's brain! I don't know what the movie's about, wait, probably saving Hitler's brain, wait, that's bad!

Hitler: You Suck-eth!
Venom: Yeah, well-- you're no prize pig yourself!

The Quick Mick

Star Tours

Venom: OK son, ask me anything
Venom Jr.: What's the meaning of existence? *Venom poses at him* Well?
Venom: ... Whoop! Time for bed!

Season 2


Venom: *To himself* Magilla, or Mogilla?
Venom Jr.: Wow, you're an idiot! Mogilla!

School and your Child

Teacher Mc. Fooby: Hi, I am Teacher M.F. and I would like to present you with, SCHOOL AND YOUR CHILD! Today with me is, Venom Jr. (It is a cardboard thing with human lips on the part where his should be)
Person behind cardboard: Hello, I am Venom's son, and I am a very bad student!

Venom: (At the end it is revealed to be a tape to every mother and father's kid that's been bad) WHAT?!
Ms. Venom: You've been very bad!!
Venom: Yeah, but what I am mainly mad about is that Venom Jr. ADMITTED he has been VERY bad!
Ms. Venom: That's not the point!
Venom: OH yes it is! You are not getting the moral little Venom and, uh, estranged wife, "When in doubt, don't ADMIT anything bad!" Now go to your room, Venom Jr.!

Last Day of School

Teacher: What is the capital of Illinois? Reminder, if you miss this you will not pass to the next grade!
Venom Jr.: (thinking) New York, Menisotta, Montana, Mrs. Sippi? (Aloud, raises hand) Mrs. Sippi?
Teacher: Oh, that was a lucky guess! You are going to 3rd grade in September.
Venom Jr.: Wow!
Teacher: Ah, what an idiot!

Venom: You didin't pass?!
Venom Jr.: I didn't tell you anything!
Venom: But I knew you were gonna fail, you're grounded 'till you're 18. Then you're out the door! Great isn't it? I've been rehersing!
Venom Jr.: I DID pass!
Venom: I thought I'd never say this, but, "You sir, are a liar!"

Bonjor, Idiot

Venom: Wife, I have a confession to make. I never passed spanish class. (It's revealed he is rehersing) Well, here goes. (He walks into the room, Mrs. Venom is knitting) HEY, WIFE! I never passed spanish class!
Mrs. Venom: WHAT?!
Venom: (His son walks in, he whispers to him) Son, get me outta this! Tell me how to say "I never passed spanish class" in spanish!