Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

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There is one thing that matters—to set a chime of words tinkling in the minds of a few fastidious people.
Logan Pearsall Smith
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Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is a 1988 film that combines animation and live action. The film takes place in Los Angeles in 1947, where animated characters (always referred to as "Toons") are real beings who live and work alongside humans in the real world, most of them as actors in animated cartoons.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Written by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman, based on the novel Who Censored Roger Rabbit? by Gary Wolf.
It's the story of a man, a woman, and a rabbit in a triangle of trouble.


Music cues and themes:


Roger Rabbit

  • Eddie, I could never hurt anybody--Ow! My whole purpose in life is to... make... people... laugh!
  • Is there nothing that can permeate that impervious puss?
  • Boy, did you see that? Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy. What timing! What finesse! What a genius!
  • (As Eddie "entertains" the weasels) Hey, Eddie! Keep it up! You're "killing 'em"! You're "slaying 'em"! You're "knocking 'em dead"!
  • Nice shirt. Who's your tailor? Quasimodo?
  • P-p-please, Eddie. You know there's no justice for toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on me, I'm as good as dipped!
  • I can give you stars, look! (hits himself with a frying pan) Look! (hits himself again) Look! (keeps hitting himself)
  • Jeepers! Another stupid newsreel. I hate the news!

Eddie Valiant

  • Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.
  • Judge Doom: Surprised? [after Eddie realizes that Doom is a toon]
Eddie: Not really. That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a toon.
  • [moves the street line towards a wall, Lena Hyena crashes into the wall] Toons. Gets 'em every time.
  • Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice!
  • [After watching the newsreel] That's it! That's the connection!!!
  • [to Roger as Doom tries his "Shave-and-a-haircut trick"] I don't know who's toonier, you or Doom.
  • [After the Weasels have noisily machine-gunned their way into his office] Hello, boys. Didn't hear you come in.
  • [After Smart Ass points a gun into him] You keep talkin' like that, and I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out! [puts soap to Smart Ass's mouth]
  • [A weasel tries to frisk Jessica too close to her cleavage, and gets his hand caught in a bear-trap hidden therein] Nice booby-trap.
  • [After Smart Ass disagrees with the song lyrics] No, but this does. [kicks Smart Ass to the dip mixer, killing him]
  • [After Doom is flattened] Holy smoke, he's a toon!

Jessica Rabbit

  • I love you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.
  • I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
  • You didn't catch me, Mister Valiant, you were set up to take those pictures.
  • I'd do anything to help my husband...anything.
  • My offer stands firm.
  • [To Eddie, after he accues Roger of running off] No he didn't. I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk. So he wouldn't get hurt!
  • [To Roger, Eddie Valiant having saved her life] My hero! [To Roger] Oh, honey bunny!
  • C'mon, Roger. Let's go home. I'll bake ya a carrot cake [Roger chuckles...].
  • [upon seing the vat of "dip"] Oh my God, IT'S DIIIIIIIIP!!!!

Judge Doom

  • Is this man removing evidence from a scene of a crime?
  • No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
  • Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
  • I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant, and I'll try him, convict him, and execute him.
  • No toon can resist the old "shave and a haircut" trick.
  • {to the weasels] If you don't stop that laughing, you're gonna end up dead, just like your idiot hyena cousins!
  • We'll see to him later, but right now I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some dip.
  • [while putting on a large black rubber glove] Since I've had Toontown under my jurisdiction my goal has been to rein in the insanity, and the only way to do that is to make Toons respect--[lets the glove snap back onto his arm]--the law.
  • Remember me, Eddie?! When I killed your brother, I TALKED JUST LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIS!!

Dolores

  • I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.
  • Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?
  • [Eddie is hiding Roger in his pants] Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
  • [catching Eddie with Jessica] Dabbling in watercolors, Eddie?

Others

  • Mrs. Herman: Mommy's going to the beauty parlor, darling, but I'm leaving you with your favorite friend, Roger. He's going to take very, very good care of you, because if he doesn't, he's going back to the science lab!
  • Tram Conductor: What do I look like, a bank?
  • Smart Ass: Search the place, boys, and leave no stone "interned".
  • Smart Ass: Stop that laughing. You know what happens when you can't stop laughing? One of these days, you're gonna "die" laughing.
  • Marvin Acme: "If it's Acme, it's a gasser". Put it there, pal. [shakes hands with Eddie, who feels a shock] The hand buzzer. Still our biggest seller.
  • Lt. Santino: Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head.
  • Benny the Cab: Sister Mary Frances. What the hell happened in here? I've been a cab for thirty-seven years, and I've never seen a mess like this.
  • Benny the Cab: And how about those Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums or what?
  • Betty Boop: Work's been kinda slow since cartoons went to color. But I've still got it, Eddie. Boop boop be doop, boop!
  • Yosemite Sam: [with his rear end on fire, lands near Eddie] Yeow! Ow! My biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch! Great horny toads, that smarts! [Sits in a puddle and extinguishes the fire]
  • Hummingbirds: Hi, Eddie. Hi, Eddie. Hi, Eddie. Bye, Eddie!
  • Droopy the Dog: [as an elevator operator] Going up, sir. [[Eddie steps in and instantly falls in] Watch your step, sir. [Eddie picks himself up] Hold on, sir. [Eddie falls to the floor of the elevator because it is going so fast; when the elevator stops, he shoots straight to the top of the elevator.] Your floor, sir. [Eddie gets out and Droopy stretches his neck out so that he and Eddie are face to face] Have a good day, sir. [Droopy's neck retracts just narrowly missing the doors closing around his neck]
  • Porky Pig: [Last lines] Alright, m-m-move it along. There's, ah, nothing to see. That's all, folks. [Scratches head] Hmm... [Turns to camera] I like the sound of that! [Traditional Warner Bros cartoon closing follows:] Th-Th-Th-that's all, folks!
  • Lena Hyena: (notices Eddie) A MAN!! Yoo-hoo! Loverboy? It's Lena Hyena!

Dialogue

Raoul: Cut!
Cameraman: All right. That's it, Jack!
Raoul: Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! (slams the script down to the floor) CUT!!
Baby Herman: What the hell was wrong with that take?!
Raoul: Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect! It's just Roger. He keeps blowin' his lines! Roger, what is this?
Roger: (nervously) A tweeting bird?
Raoul: (mocks) "A tweeting bird?" (normally) Roger, read the script! Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked. Rabbit sees stars". Not birds! STARS! Can we lose the playback, please?! You're killin' me! KILLIN' me!
Baby Herman: For cryin' out loud, Roger! How the hell many times we hafta do this damn scene?! Raoul! I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap! [Walks between a woman's legs]
Woman: Whoo!
Baby Herman: 'Scuse me, toots.
Raoul: My stomach can't take this. This is a mess. Clean this set up! Get him outta there, or seal him up in it! Lose the lights! Say Lunch!
Man: LUNCH!!!
Raoul: That's lunch! We're on a half! (bell rings; Raoul sets off for lunch)
Roger: P-p-please, Raoul! I can give ya stars! Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time!
Raoul: Roger, I've dropped it on your head 23 times already!
Roger: I can take it! Don't worry about me!
Raoul: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the refrigerator!

[Eddie gets $50 for a $100 job]
Eddie: Where's the other 50?
R.K. Maroon: Let's call the other 50 a "carrot" to finish the job.
Eddie: You've been hanging around rabbits too long.

Maroon: How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie: Only that there is no business like it, no business I know.
Maroon: Yeah. And there's no business more expensive. I'm 25 grand over budget on the latest Baby Herman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his job. You know why?
Eddie: One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?
Maroon: Nah, he's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off. But break his heart, goes to pieces just like you and me.

Maroon: Kinda jumpy, aren't you, Valiant? It's just Dumbo.
Eddie: (takes the check) I know who it is.
Maroon: I got him on loan from Disney. Him and half the cast of Fantasia. the best part is, they work for "peanuts"!

Eddie: Forget it. I don't work Toontown.
Maroon: What's wrong with Toontown? Every Joe loves Toontown.
Eddie: Then get Joe to do the job, 'cause I ain't going.

Roger: No! Not my Jessica! Not patty-cake! This is impossible! I don't believe it! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Eddie: Well, you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.

Eddie: (sneezes) AA-CHOO!!
Shadow: Gesundheit!
Eddie: Thank you.
(suddenly, he notices that Jessica is pointing a gun)
Jessica: Valiant!
(Eddie turns around, while unbeknownst to him, another shadow points his gun at him)
Eddie: I always knew I'd get it in Toontown.
Jessica: Behind you!
(she shoots the shadow, narrowly avoiding Eddie, and Doom's gun hits the ground)
Eddie: Drop it, lady!
Jessica: I just saved your life, and you still don't trust me?
Eddie: I don't trust anybody or anything!
Jessica: Not even your own eyes?

Eddie: A ladies' man, eh?
Baby Herman: The problem is I got a 50-year-old lust and a 3-year-old dinky. Look, Valiant, the rabbit didn't kill Acme. He's not a murderer, I should know, he's a dear friend of mine. I tell ya Valiant, the whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers. Look at this. The papers said Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash. Any toon knows Acme had a will. He promised to leave Toontown to us toons. That will is the reason he got bumped off.
Eddie: Has anyone ever seen this will?
Baby Herman: Ah, no. But he gave us his solemn oath.
Eddie: If you think that guy could do anything solemn, the gag's on you, pal.
Baby Herman: I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might wanna help get him out. I can pay ya.
Eddie: Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes!
Baby Herman: No, wait! No! Valiant! No!
[Eddie pushes the stroller, knocks a woman over, Baby Herman's cigar falls to the floor]
Baby Herman: My stogie! Whaaaa-a-a-a-a-a! Whaaaa-a-a!

Eddie: Happy Trails.
Roger: No thanks Eddie, I'm trying to cut down.
Eddie: Drink the drink!
Roger: But I don't want the drink!
Doom: He doesn't want the drink.
Eddie: He does!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You do!
Roger: I don't!
Eddie: You don't.
Roger: I do!
Eddie: You don't!
Roger: I do!
Eddie: You don't!
Roger: (takes the drink) Listen! When I say "I do", that means I do!

[Eddie sneaks up on Maroon, surprising him]
Eddie: What's up, Doc?
Maroon: Valiant, what are you tryin' to do? Gimme a heart attack?!
Eddie: You need a heart before you can have an attack.
Maroon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the will?
Eddie: Sure. I got the will. Question is, do you have the way? I can tell you now it ain't gonna come cheap.

Eddie: Maybe you can go downtown and check the probate.
Roger: Yeah! Check the probate! Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with his probate, and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water.
Eddie: Not "prostate", you idiot! "Probate"!

Eddie: Anybody know you're here?
Roger: Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh--
Eddie: Who?
Roger: Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy; he knew.
Eddie: In other words, the whole damn town knows you're here! Get out!

Eddie: What's with him?
Betty Boop: Mr. Acme never misses a night when Jessica performs.
Eddie: Got a thing for rabbits, huh?

Bongo: [catches Eddie peeping through the dressing room keyhole, watching Jesica and Mr. Acme playing patty-cake] What do you think you're doin', chump?!
Eddie: Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?
[Eddie gets thrown out]
Bongo: And don't lemme catch your peepin' face around here again! Got it?!
[slams the door]
Eddie: [lifts his arms to scratch his armpits] OOGA BOOGA!

Eddie: Weren't you the one I caught playing patty-cake with old man Acme?
Jessica: You didn't catch me, Mr. Valiant. You were set up to take those pictures.
Eddie: What are you talking about?
Jessica: Maroon wanted to blackmail Acme. I didn't want to have anything to do with it, but he said that if I didn't pose for those patty-cake pictures, Roger would never work in this town again. I couldn't let that happen. I'd do anything for my husband, Mr. Valiant. Anything.
[Presses her chest against Eddie's with a "thump"]
Eddie: What a wife.

Jessica: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

Eddie: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?
Jessica: He makes me laugh.

Daffy Duck: I've worked with a lot of withe-quackers-s, but you are des-s-picable!
Donald Duck: Doggone stupid little... that did it! Wha-a-a-a-gh!
Daffy: This-s is-s the las-s-t time I work with s-someone with a s-speech impediment!
Donald Duck: Oh, yeah?!
[he shuts Daffy in a piano]
Daffy: This-s means-s war!

Jessica: Well, we're not going anywhere in my car. Let's take yours.
Eddie: I have a feeling someone already did.
Jessica: From the looks of it I'd say it was Roger. My honey bunny was never very good behind the wheel.
Eddie: Better lover than a driver, huh?
Jessica: You'd better believe it, buster.

[After a weasel is caught in a bear trap from Jessica's cleavage]
Eddie: Nice "booby" trap.

[Marvin Acme squirts ink from his pen on Eddie's shirt and laughs]
Eddie: You think that's funny?
Marvin Acme: It's a panic!
Eddie: [grabs Acme by the lapels] You won't think it's so funny when I stick that pen up your nose!
Acme: Calm down son, will ya. Look the stain's gone, it's disappearing ink.
[the stain fades away]
Acme: No hard feelings, I hope. Listen, I'm--
Eddie: I know who you are. Marvin Acme, The guy who owns Toontown; the Gag King.
Acme: If it's Acme, it's a gasser.

Bongo: Got the Password?
Eddie: Walt sent me.
[the door opens]
Eddie: Nice monkey suit.
Bongo: Wise ass!

Eddie: You crazy rabbit! I'm out there riskin' my neck for you, and what are you doin'!? Singin' and dancin'!
Roger: But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh!
Eddie: SIT DOWN!!
Roger: You don't understand! Those people needed to laugh.
Eddie: Yeah, and when they done laughin', they'll call the cops! That guy Angelo would rat on you for a nickel!
Roger: Not Angelo! He'd never turn me in.
Eddie: Why?! Because you made him laugh?
Roger: That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.

Dolores: Tomorrow's Friday, Eddie. You know what happens here on Friday?
Eddie: Fish special?
Dolores: You know my boss check the books on Friday. If I don't have that money I gave you back in the till, I'm gonna lose my job.
Eddie: Don't bust a button, Dolores. You only have one left.

Angelo: So who's your client, Mr. Detective-to-the-Stars? Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?
Dolores: What'll it be?
Angelo: I'll have a beer, doll. So what happened, huh? Somebody kidnapped Dinky Doodle?
Dolores: Cut it out, Angelo.
Angelo: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got it. You're working for Little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her find them, huh?
[Angelo laughs. Eddie kicks Angelo's seat out from under him and grabs him by the neck]
Eddie: Get this straight, meatball! I don't work for toons!
[he stuffs a hard-boiled egg in Angelo's mouth and storms off]
Angelo: [spits out the egg] So what's his problem?
Dolores: A toon killed his brother.
Angelo: What?
Dolores: Dropped a piano on his head.

Angelo: Hey, I seen a rabbit.
Doom: Where?
[Roger gasps]
Eddie: Ya see?
Doom: Where?!
Angelo: He's right here in the bar.
[put his arm around an imaginary friend]
Angelo: Say hello, Harvey.
[the whole bar erupts in laughter]
Roger: I told you so.

Smart Ass: Say, Judge. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
Doom: No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me.
[he taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter]
Doom: No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
...
Doom: Shave, and a haircut...
[Roger crashes through the wall]
Roger: Two bits!

Maroon: What are you gonna do to me, Valiant?
Eddie: I'm gonna to listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario: The story of greed, sex and murder! And the parts that I don't like, I'm gonna edit out.
Maroon: You got it all wrong! I'm a cartoon maker! Not a murderer!
Eddie: Everybody's gotta have a hobby!
(he slips Maroon's tie onto the film roller)
Maroon: OH! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!! The truth is, I had a chance to sell my studio. But Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property unless Acme sold him his. The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell! So I was gonna blackmail Acme with pictures of him and the Rabbit's wife. Blackmail! That's all! I've been around toons all my life! I didn't wanna see 'em destroyed!!
Eddie: Toons destroyed?! Why?
Maroon: If I tell ya, I'm a dead man!
Eddie: You're a dead man if you don't tell me!
Maroon: Unless Acme's will shows by midnight tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free...!!
(a gun shoots him, and nearly hits Eddie, but misses)

Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.
Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?

Eddie: What's that?
Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip"!
Doom: I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant. And I'll try him, convict him, and execute him.
[dunks shoe in Dip, dissolving it completely]
Eddie: Geez!
Greasy: [laughs] That's one dead shoe, eh, boss?
Doom: They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant. This is how we handle things down in Toontown.

[Eddie is about to pick up the hand buzzer that fell off of Acme's corpse when Judge Doom stops him with his cane]
Judge Doom: Is this man removing evidence from the scene of the crime?
Lt. Santino: Ah, no, Judge Doom. Valiant here was just picking it up for you. Weren't you, Eddie?
Doom: Hand it over.
Eddie: Sure thing.
[zaps Doom with buzzer]
Eddie: Their number one seller.
Doom: I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you.
Eddie: I wasn't working for a toon. I was working for R.K. Maroon.
Doom: Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He said the rabbit became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures. The rabbit swore one way or another he and his wife were going to be happy. Is that true?
Eddie: Hey, pal. Do I look like a stenographer?
Lt. Santino: Shut your yap, Eddie. The man's a judge.
Doom: That's all right, Lieutenant. From the smell of him, I'd say it was the booze talking.

Tweety Bird: Oh, look! Piggies.
Eddie: Hi, Tweety.
Tweety: This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had...
[Eddie screams as he falls down]
Tweety: Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.
[Eddie falls; Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, both wearing parachutes, join him]
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumpin' without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?
Eddie: Yeah.
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. You could get killed. Heh, heh.
Eddie: You guys got a spare?
Mickey: Uh, Bugs does.
Eddie: Yeah?
Bugs: Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
Eddie: I do! I do! Give it to me!
Mickey: Gee, better let him have it, Bugs.
Bugs: Okay, Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare.
Eddie: Thank you.
[Mickey and Bugs deploy parachutes; Eddie pulls the ripcord on the "spare", but a car tire comes out]
Eddie: OH, NO!!! (falls and lets go of the tire) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
Mickey: Aw, poor fella.
Bugs: Yeah, ain't I a stinker?

Roger: What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
Eddie: You wanna know? (Roger nods) I'll tell ya. A toon killed my brother.
Roger: (frightened) A toon? No-o.
Eddie: Yes, a toon. We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked workin' Toontown. Thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the drop on us, literally. Dropped a piano on us from 15 stories. Broke my arm, Teddy never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standin' over me laughin', with those burnin' red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that.
Roger: (sobs hysterically) No wonder you hate me. If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too.

Jessica: (sees her empty trunk) Oh, no! Where's Roger?!
Eddie: Roger? He chickened out on me back at the studio.
Jessica: No, he didn't. I hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt.
Eddie: Makes perfect sense.

(Roger and Eddie enter the Toon Patrol paddy wagon)
Benny the Cab: Hey, you weasels! Let me outta here, will ya?! Come on! I gotta make a livin'!
Roger: (looks in the back) Benny! Is that you?!
Benny: No! It's Eleanor Roosevelt. Come on, Roger! Get me outta here!
(Roger squeezes into the back)
Roger: Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!

(Roger, Eddie, and Benny are surrounded by the Weasels and the cops)
Benny: PULL THE LEVER!!!
Eddie: Which one?!
Roger: Which one?!
Benny: "Which one?!"?!
(he exposes a sign saying "This lever stupid", pointing to the right lever)

(Roger, Eddie, and Benny narrowly escape the Weasels and the cops)
Roger: Jumpin' jeepers!
Benny: Hey, Roger, whattaya call the middle of a song?
Roger: Gee, I don't know. (reacts to...) A BRIDGE!!!!!
(Benny safely lands onto the bridge)

Benny: Well, fellas, where can I drop ya?
Roger: Somewhere we can hide.
Benny: I've got just the place. And incidentally, if ya should ever need a ride, just stick out your thumb! Hey! Share the road! Will ya, lady?!

Smart Ass: Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger: What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
Eddie: What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.

Eddie: D'you mean to tell me you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?!
Roger: Not at any time. Only when it was funny.

Doom: (turns on the hose that releases the Dip into a tray for a demonstration) Can you guess what this is?
Jessica: Oh, my God. It's... DIP!!!
Doom: That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the earth!!! (exposes his machine) A vehicle of my own design. Five thousand gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon! Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.

Doom: Several months ago I had the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city council's. A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it a freeway.
Eddie: Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
Eddie: So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway? I don't get it.
Doom: Of course not. You lack vision. I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night. Soon, where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see! My God! It'll be beautiful.
Eddie: Come on! Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Doom: Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.

Roger: Okay, nobody move! All right, weasel, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it! You heard me, I said drop it!
Jessica: Roger, darling!
Roger: That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Doom: Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
Roger: That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pop you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a "ton of bricks"!
[a ton of bricks falls on Roger]
Jessica: Roger! Roger, say something!
Roger: Look! Stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
Doom: Tie the lovebirds together.

(calliope begins playing "The Merry Go Round Broke Down")
Eddie: Now Roger is his name.
Laughter is his game.
Come on you dope.
Untie his rope.
And watch him go insane!
(he does slapstick pratfalls to make the weasels laugh)
Jessica: He's lost his mind.
Roger: I don't think so!
Eddie: This singin' ain't my line.
It's tough to make a rhyme.
If I get stuck...
I-I'm out of luck... Uh...
Jessica: I'm running out of time!
Eddie: Thanks!
(more pratfalls; some weasels start dying of laughter)
Roger: Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killin' 'em! You're slayin' 'em! You're knockin' 'em dead!
Eddie: I'm through with takin' falls!
And bouncin' off the walls!
Without that gun,
I'd have some fun.
I'd kick you in the-- (gets hit in head hard with vase) OW!!
Roger: Nose!
Smart Ass: Nose?! That don't rhyme with walls!
Eddie: (gets back on his feet) No. But this does!
(he kicks Smart Ass in the groin, sending him flying, screaming, into the Dip Mixer, which then dissolves him)

Eddie: Holy smoke, he's a Toon!
Doom: Surprised?
Eddie: Not really. That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon.
Doom: Not just a Toon.
(he reinflates himself; his hat is blown away and his fake eyes fall to the floor, revealing his true, red eyes)
Doom: Remember me, Eddie?! (voice gets more squeaky every second) When I killed your brother, I talked JUST... LIKE... THIS!!!!!

Jessica: Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.
Roger: Was I, really?
Jessica: Better than Goofy.

[the Toons gather around the remains of the melted Doom]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh! Uh, I wonder who he really was.
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf:[Comes out of sheep's clothing] Or a sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy cat.

Lt. Santino: Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
Eddie: And R.K. Maroon. And my brother.
Lt. Santino: That's what I call one seriously disturbed toon.

Cast

External links

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