Will Ferrell

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John William Ferrell (born July 16, 1967) is a Golden Globe nominated comedian, impressionist, and actor who first established himself as a cast member of Saturday Night Live.

Saturday Night Live

  • Strategery.
    • Impersonating President George W. Bush in a debate against Al Gore and asked to sum up his 2000 campaign in one word
  • You don't talk to me that way! I am a division manager! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!
  • What's your favorite planet? ... Mine's the sun! Its like the king of planets!
  • If the moon were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it? ...I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser.
    • Impersonating Harry Caray
  • Write a number, any number and you win, it could be a one, a two, a three, or how about a four, any number.. And you wrote a v, well my friend, v is a roman numeral so despite your best efforts you managed to win, and lets see what you wagered. "Suck it Trebek"
    • Impersonating Alex Trebeck
  • You wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the John. So why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz?? Yeeeaaahh!
    • Impersonating Robert Goulet
  • I will punch you in the face if you don't get off the shed! Now get off the shed, get off the shed! Get off the damn shed!
  • I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!
  • You still think this is a gigglefest private son of a bitch?!
  • I will chain you to a fence, in a crawl space, if you don't get on that bag!
  • I don't know if I would have done this. You do not hand in crap like this. This looks like you took a crap or a dump in the printer! You are scum. I should fire you and burn down your freaking house! I am this close to raping you!

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

  • I love scotch, scotchy scotch scotch, here it goes down, down into my belly.
  • How much time? Thirty? Thirty seconds? [Cameraman: You are on!] I'm on? Right now? [pause] I don't believe you.
  • You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.
  • I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited.
  • You are a smelly pirate hooker.
  • Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
  • I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke! I even wrote it down in my diary. "Veronica had a very funny joke today." I laughed at it later that night!
  • You scorpion woman.
  • You've got a dirty whorish mouth, that's what you've got.
  • What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing.
  • I'm very important...I have many...leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany...I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too, he comes over...on occasion.
  • Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
  • Agree to disagree.
  • I'm gonna punch you in the ovary. Straight shot to the babymaker.
  • By the Beard of Zeus!
  • Knights of Columbus, that hurt!
  • By the hammer of Thor!
  • It's so damn hot - milk was a bad choice.
  • I'm not a baby, I'm a MAN, I am an ANCHORMAN.
  • Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it "San Diago", which of course in German means 'a whale's vagina'.
  • I wanna be on you.
  • Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run, for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.
  • [to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.
  • [clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
  • Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
  • [after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision.
  • I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
  • It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
  • [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever!

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

  • [thinking he is on fire] Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Aah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off of me!
  • Help me, Oprah Winfirey!
  • I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you.
  • Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!
  • I've sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm puttin' a lotta eggs in that basket, the MTV basket. I also thought about getting a gun and becomin' a crack dealer. I wouldn't be, like, a mean crack dealer...I'd be a nice one. I'd just be like "Hey, guys, what's up? You want some crack?".
  • Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...
  • Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon' get bumpy!
  • Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention POWERade at each grace, I'd just like to say that POWERade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to POWERade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
  • [driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!
  • The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.
  • [Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!
  • Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good.
  • [to his father-in-law] The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!
  • [to Girard] I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!
  • [getting ready to bump Girard in a race] Hey, it's me, America! [Choom] Macchiato
  • Slingshot: engage.
  • I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
  • You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin' all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan. From The Golden Girls. Three people, all great champions, all loved.
  • Get down, Karen!
  • [Driving backward, flipping off the driver of the car next to him] It's real nice, I got it at Target, it's on sale.
  • To quote the late great Colonel Sanders: "I am too drunk to taste this chicken."

From trailer

  • Momma, I'm goin' fast!
  • I feel like a mongoose, stalking its prey.

From outtakes

  • 98 percent of us will die at some point in our lives.
  • [advertising for McCreedy Funeral Services] Bodies that look so good, you're gonna wanna talk to it!

From deleted scenes

  • [doing a Big Red commercial] If you don't chew it, then get outta my face. Mother f**ker
  • [in a Prune Candy commercial, singing] Dragon foot, bamboo pole, little mouse, Chinese boy, Prune Candy!


  • A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives or events that were painful, and I really have wracked my brain to figure it out. I pretty much have had a normal childhood. Maybe it was too normal.
  • All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.
  • How classy is it for me to wear these pink tennis shoes with my tux?
  • I'm not really an exhibitionist. I'm drawn to the outrageous stuff because it's fun, not because it's some deep compulsion. I'm not tortured, anger-stoked, deeply neurotic comic -- just a pretty low-key normal guy. A 'hey, the glass is half-full' kind of a guy. But please keep it quiet, or I may never work again.
  • I have only been funny about seventy four percent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four percent of the time.
  • James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.
  • One of the challenges you will face is finding a job in our depressed economy, ... In fact, the chances of finding a job are about as good as finding weapons of mass destruction in the Iraqi desert -- slim and none, and slim just left the building.
  • Whom does the prime minister prefer? Funky Wunkey, Shipsy, Ho, or Waa-Waa?
  • I'm actually pretty athletic. I have to work out just to look fat. [1]

Old School

  • I love you dad
  • I like it. It's genius!
  • (Trying to talk over party noise). Actually we've got a nice little Saturday planned. We're going to Home Depot to pick out some wallpaper, then maybe we'll hit Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!
  • (Funnels a beer). Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!
  • Hey Snoop! Snoop-A-Loop!
  • It's cool man, it's cool. Bring your green hat!
  • (Sitting naked in the car). Hey honey! Do you think KFC's still open?
  • I thought we were in the the trust tree, in the nest. Are we not?
  • Cock, Balls
  • It's got three speeds!
  • D'you need a friend? Yeah, me too...
  • You're my boy Blue, you're my boy
  • We're going streaking!!!!
  • I can see Blue, he looks glorious!
  • Well...you know...keep on truckin.
  • We're going streaking... through the quad to the gymnasium!
  • I like you, but you're crazy.


  • (answers the phone) Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
  • The best way to spread christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
  • It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...
  • Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.
  • We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.
  • I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.
  • What's a christmas gram? I want one!
  • Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...
  • (speaking to "Miles Finch") He's an angry elf!
  • Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
  • (speaking to the store santa) You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.
  • Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!
  • (speaking to "Jovi") It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.
  • I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.
  • (Speaking to James Caan, Buddy's father) First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.
  • I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
  • (Reading a note he left on the etch-a-sketch) "I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."
  • (To "Jovi") I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up. (pause)...So... do you wanna eat food?
  • Good news! I saw a dog today!
  • (To a stranger on the elevator) Oh I forgot to give you a hug.

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