Young Frankenstein

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Young Frankenstein is a 1974 film about Dr. Frankenstein's grandson who, after years of living down the family reputation, inherits granddad's castle and repeats the experiments.

Directed by Mel Brooks. Written by Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks.
The scariest comedy of all time!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein

  • [dreaming] I am not a Frankenstein. I'm a Fronkensteen. Don't give me that. I don't believe in fate. And I won't say it. [pauses] All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!
  • From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man!", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.
  • SEDAGIVE!?!!

Igor

  • Walk this way. [pause] No...this way.
  • My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course, the rates have gone up.
  • I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just... followed it down. Call it... a hunch. [makes rimshot noise]
  • Froderick!
  • It looks dangerous. You go first!

Inspector Kemp

  • A riot is an ungly thing... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun.
  • Let's all go have some sponge cake and a little wine...[his mechanical arm slips off] und shit.

Elizabeth

  • [seeing The Monster's genitals] Oh my God. Woof.
  • [as The Monster begins having sex with her] Oh! Oh! No! Too big! Oh! Oh!...[sings] Ah! Sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!
  • [After sex with The Monster] Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.

Others

  • Inga: Hallo. Vould you like a roll in ze hay? It's fun. [she begins rolling in the hay] Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.
  • Frau Blücher: I am Frau Blücher. [horses whinny]
  • The Monster: For as long as I can remember people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body and they ran away in horror. In my loneliness I decided that if I could not inspire love, which is my deepest hope, I would instead cause fear. I live because this poor half-crazed genius, has given me life. He alone held an image of me as something beautiful and then, when it would have been easy enough to stay out of danger, he used his own body as a guinea pig to give me a calmer brain and a somewhat more sophisticated way of expressing myself.

Dialogue

Medical Student: Dr. Frankenstein?
Dr. Frankenstein: My name is "Fronkenshteen."
Medical Student: Dr. "Fronkenschteen" isn't it true that Darwin preserved a piece of vermicelli in a glass case until, by some extrordinary means, it actually began to move with voluntary motion?
Dr. Frankenstein: Are you speaking of the worm or the spaghetti?
[the class laughs]
Medical Student: Why, the worm, sir.
Dr. Frankenstein: Yes, I did read something of that incident when I was a student, but you have to remember that a worm... with very few exceptions... is not a human being.
Medical Student: But wasn't that the whole basis of your grandfather's work? The reanimation of dead tissue?
Dr. Frankenstein: My grandfather was a very sick man.
Medical Student: But as a "Fronkenshteen" aren't you the least bit curious? Doesn't the bringing to life what was once dead hold any interest for you?
Dr. Frankestein: You are talking about the non-sensical ravings of a lunatic mind; dead is dead!
Student: But look at what has been done with hearts and kidneys...
Dr. Frankenstein: [starting to shout] Hearts and kidneys are TINKER-TOYS!! I'm talking about the central nervous system!!
Student: But, sir...
Dr. Frankenstein: I am a scientist, not a philosopher! [picks up a scalpel] You have a better chance of re-animating this SCALPEL then you would of mending broken nervous tissue!
Student: But what about your grandfather's work?
Dr. Frankenstein: MY GRANDFATHER'S WORK WAS DOO-DOO!!! I am not interested in death! The only thing that concerns me IS THE PRESERVATION OF LIFE!!!
[in his anger, Dr. Frankenstein stabs himself in the leg with the scalpel, grimaces, then crosses his legs]
Dr. Frankenstein: Class...is...dismissed!

Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
Dr. Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
Igor:You're putting me on.
Dr. Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
Dr. Frankenstein: No..."Frederick."
Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
Dr. Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen."
Igor: I see.
Dr. Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
Dr. Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?

Dr. Frankenstein: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
Igor: What hump?

[Howling in the background]
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frankenstein: What?
Igor: [pointing] There... wolf. There... castle.
Dr. Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: Suit yourself. I'm easy.

[Frankenstein, Igor and Inga arrive in front of HUGE castle doors with IMMENSE metal door knockers; Igor bangs the door knockers loudly as Frankenstein helps Inga from the carriage]
Dr. Frankenstein: What knockers!
Inga: [blushing, smiling shyly] Oh! Thank you, doctor!

Frau Blücher: Would the doctor care for a brandy before retiring?
Dr. Frankenstein: No. Thank you.
Frau Blücher: Some varm milk... perhaps?
Dr. Frankenstein: No. Thank you very much. No thanks.
Frau Blücher: ...Ovaltine?
Dr. Frankenstein: NOTHING! Thank you. I'm a little tired.
Frau Blücher: Then I vill say... goodnight.
Dr. Frankenstein: Goodnight!

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
Dr. Frankenstein: What did he say?
Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

Dr. Frankenstein: That music...
Frau Blücher: Yes. It's in your blood - it's in the blood of ALL Frankensteins. It reaches the soul when words are useless. Your grandfather used to play it to the creature HE vas making.
Dr. Frankenstein: Then it was you all the time.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: You played that music in the middle of the night...
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: ...to get us to the laboratory.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: That was YOUR cigar smoldering in the ashtray.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: And it was you... who left my grandfather's book out for me to find.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: So that I would...
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frankenstein: Then you and Victor were...
Frau Blücher: YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOYFRIEND.

Dr. Frankenstein: [as they are exhuming a body] What a filthy job.
Igor: Could be worse.
Dr. Frankenstein: How?
Igor: Could be raining. [it starts to pour]

Dr. Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frankenstein: Precisely.
Inga: [her eyes get wide] He vould have an enormous schwanzschtücker.
Dr. Frankenstein: [ponders this a moment] That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.

[Frederick is perusing a shelf of brains preserved in formaldehyde when Igor, who is standing behind the case with his chin resting on the shelf, begins to sing Just a Gigolo]
Igor:: [sings] I ain't got no body, and nobody cares for me. Yakka tak ta a yakka tak ta ha!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [startled] Igor!
Igor: Froedrick!

Dr. Frankenstein: Are you ready?
Igor: Are you sure this is how they did it?
Dr. Frankenstein: Yes! It's all written down in the notes! Now tie off the kites and hurry down as fast as you can!
Igor: What's the hurry?
Dr. Frankenstein: There's a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
[no answer]
Dr. Frankenstein: [shouts] I said, there is a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
Igor: [suddenly appearing next to Dr. Frankenstein] I understand, I understand. Why are you shouting?

Dr. Frankenstein: Well, dear, are you ready?
Inga: Yes, Doctor.
Dr. Frankenstein: Elevate me.
Inga: Now? Right here?
Dr. Frankenstein: Yes, yes, raise the platform.
Inga: Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes.

Dr. Frankenstein: [after failing to bring the creature to life] Nothing.
Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.
Dr. Frankenstein: No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace. [begins to walk away but suddenly turns around and starts beating up the creature] SONUVABITCH! BASTARD!!! I'll GET YOU FOR THIS!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?!
Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!
Dr. Frankenstein: I DON'T WANNA LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE.
Igor: [speaking to the audience] Quiet dignity and grace.
Dr. Frankenstein: Oh... MAMA...

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby... someone.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frankenstein: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frankenstein: Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?!! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME!!?!?

Dr. Frankenstein: HE'S GOT A ROTTEN BRAIN! IT'S ROTTEN, I TELL YA! ROTTEN!
The Monster: RAAAAAAAA!
Igor: Ixnay on the ottenray.

Inspector Kemp: Vee had better confeerm de fect dat Yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed VALLOWING EEN EES GANDFADDA'S VOOTSHTAPS.
Villagers: What?
Inspector Kemp: Vallowing in his gandfadda's vootshtaps, [stomps his feet repeatedly] vootshtaps, vootshtaps.
Villagers: Ohhh. Vootsteps!

Igor: What is this?
Dr. Frankenstein: Schwartzwald Kirchetort.
The Monster: [off-screen] MMMMMMM!
Dr. Frankenstein: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts myself, but this is excellent.
Igor: Who are you talking to?
Dr. Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.
Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.
Dr. Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.
Igor: It wasn't me.
Inga: It wasn't me.
Dr. Frankenstein: Well, now look here. If it wasn't you, and it wasn't you...
The Monster: [off-camera] Mmmmmm!

Dr. Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
Inga: Yes, Doctor.
Igor: Nice working with ya.
[Dr. Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
Dr. Frankenstein: Let me out!! LET ME OUT OF HERE!! GET ME THE HELL OUTA HERE!! What's the MATTER with you people?! I was JOKING! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here!! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR OR I'LL KICK YOUR ROTTEN HEADS IN!!! MOMMY!!!

Dr. Frankenstein: [to The Monster] Hello handsome. You're a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because... they are jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a god. And listen to me, you are not evil. You... are... good.
[the Monster starts to cry, and Dr. Frankenstein hugs him]
Dr. Frankenstein: This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.
Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right!
Dr. Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!

Elizabeth: Taffeta, darling.
Dr. Frankenstein: Taffeta, sweetheart.
Elizabeth: [pulling away] No, the dress is taffeta. It wrinkles so easily.

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
Igor: [doing a Groucho Marx] Coitainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the toiban.

Dr. Frankenstein: My fellow scienti...
Audience: Ssssssssssssssss!
Dr. Frankenstein: ...tists... and neuro-surgeons, ladies and gentlemen. A few short weeks ago coming from a background, believe me, as conservably and traditionaly grounded in scientific fact as any of you, I began an experiment in... incredulous as it may sound... the reanimation of dead tissue.

Dr. Frankenstein: [singing] If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits...
The Monster: 'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ.

External links

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