Zippy the Pinhead

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Zippy the Pinhead is the main character in the comic strip of the same name, created by Bill Griffith.

"All life is a blur of Republicans and meat!" - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

"Are we having fun yet?" Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead - in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations

A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Reality is a meatball sandwich I did not order! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know WHY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Am I elected yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Am I SHOPLIFTING? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are we live or on tape? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are we on STRIKE yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are we THERE yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY WAY" I've ever heard!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Bo Derek ruined my life! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

But they went to MARS around 1953!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Could I have a drug overdose? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in a MALIBU HOT TUB? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did I SELL OUT yet?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Do I have a lifestyle yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!! Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Don't SANFORIZE me!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ... FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Everybody gets free BORSCHT! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a disaster Movie!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of OFFSET PRINTING? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty dining room. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my gothic solarium!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my satellite dish PAYMENTS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my pet LEISURE SUIT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HAIR TONICS, please!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for today! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan females!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No thanks! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN anywhere!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a TROLLEY-CAR ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted island, when ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

How do I get HOME? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th' MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I am NOT a nut.... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I demand IMPUNITY! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more numbers!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in my read molars ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel ... JUGULAR ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel better about world problems now! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I feel partially hydrogenated! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the "WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE in the yard ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I had pancake makeup for brunch! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have accepted Provolone into my life! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

-- I have seen the FUN -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling every day from Oral Roberts!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to live!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I hope the ``Eurythmics practice birth control ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life savings in yeast!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I invented skydiving in 1989! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I joined scientology at a garage sale!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he is ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just had a NOSE JOB!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch with my LEISURE SUIT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I just remembered something about a TOAD! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW on the SIDE? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I Know A Joke!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now. I fed the cat. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in 1965!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio SLEAZEBALLS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL legislation... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I represent a sardine!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I see TOILET SEATS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I think my career is ruined! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want a WESSON OIL lease!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE and WHEAT THINS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY ... BACKWARDS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with me -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE STRANGER? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm definitely not in Omaha! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this miniature DOMED STADIUM ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having an emotional outburst!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in my PAJAMA POCKET?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a KOSHER DELI -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm into SOFTWARE! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my PERSONAL SPACE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm not available for comment.. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm rated PG-34!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with MISSILES!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin Hustle now! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM ... I'm VIBRATORY ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm wearing PAMPERS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm wet! I'm wild! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche PIZZA ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental Belt," for $10.99!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Inside, I'm already SOBBING! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in Safeway? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one wild afternoon?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is it clean in other dimensions? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is this TERMINAL fun? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Isn't this my STOP?! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making FRENCH TOAST! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be carried too FAR! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a HIGHBALL?? ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of Seagulls" HAIRCUTS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT, I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE WHEAT BUN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My EARS are GONE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My haircut is totally traditional! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

MY income is ALL disposable! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My life is a patio of fun! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My mind is a potato field ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My NOSE is NUMB! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

My vaseline is RUNNING... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but they were OFF-KEY ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... in PAIN!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I am depressed ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS" ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need four GALLONS of JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY VALUES!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

One FISHWICH coming up!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

ONE LIFE TO LIVE for ALL MY CHILDREN in ANOTHER WORLD all THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to the downtown PLASMA CENTER ... TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ... THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last Tuesday? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also leave a GENEROUS TIP .... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND REPAIR!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your BOOTH! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

People humiliating a salami! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

PIZZA!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

RELATIVES!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

RHAPSODY in Glue! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS ... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY, Box 40474, San Francisco, CA 94140, USA - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into empty OIL DRUMS ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a VASECTOMY?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Sign my PETITION. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

So this is what it feels like to be potato salad - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it to Beaver"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

TAILFINS!! ... click ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Talking Pinhead Blues: Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel

   TWENTY-SIX!!

Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been

   DEAD for YEARS..  (sniff)

My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG

   won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)

So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!

   (on no, no, no..  Heh, heh) - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- and have since BIRTH!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued OYSTER! Yum! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The Korean War must have been fun. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS around 1953!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

There is no TRUTH. There is no REALITY. There is no CONSISTENCY. There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS. I'm very probably wrong. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

"These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!" "These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!" "These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out of MEGATON MAN!" - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen appeal! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

"This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT DOG." -- Bob Violence - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up against someone's MARTINI!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the aesthetic modules -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by mistake!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Walk a mile in MY HEADPHONES, Baby! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

We just joined the civil hair patrol! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ... EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What PROGRAM are they watching? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What UNIVERSE is this, please?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING BILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Where does it go when you flush? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Where's SANDY DUNCAN? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the NEGATIVE IONS!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your own ZIPCODE? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Will it improve my CASH FLOW? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

World War III? No thanks! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON MAIDEN concert? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW CAREER!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

You were s'posed to laugh! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Am I having fun yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Are we laid back yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Are we wet yet? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Are you the self-frying president? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I just went below the poverty line! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I threw up on my window! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I want my nose in lights! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY -- - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Yow! We're going to a new disco! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM laws!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

YOW!!! I am having fun!!! - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ... - Zippy, Zippy the Pinhead

External links

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