Zoey 101

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Ideas lose themselves as quickly as quail, and one must wing them the minute they rise out of the grass, or they are gone.
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Zoey 101 (2005-) This popular teen show on Nickelodeon stars Jamie Lynn Spears as Zoey, one of the first girls to attend a previously all-boys boarding school called Pacific Coast Academy. Her younger brother, Dustin, also attends PCA and she has many friends there including Nicole, Chase, Michael, and Quinn.

Season 1: 13 Episodes

Welcome To PCA

Zoey: How many of you have ever played basketball before?
   (No one raises their hand)
Zoey: How many of you would say you're good at basketball?
Quinn: I once made a basketball explode!

Zoey: (to Chase) My hero.

Dana: Pass me the ball whenever you can, stay out of my way!
Nicole: Works for me.

Nicole: Excuse me, have you noticed that she's the only girl who can play on this team?
Coach: I think everyone has noticed it

Nicole: But that's my stuff!
  (Dana glares at her)
Nicole: That I'll be moving.

Chase: Better be going, oh and watch out.
Zoey: Why watch out?
Chase: Well it's the first day at school lots of kids like to pull pranks.
Zoey: Like hanging your bike from a tree?
Chase: Huh? Oh man; put that down you little freaks!! I gotta go. Later.
Zoey: Later.
Chase: Oh and I almost forgot welcome to PCA.
Zoey: Go save your bike
Chase: Right.

Zoey: Ok, Logan, tell ya what: I'll round up my best five girls and you round up your best five guys. And we'll see whose better at basketball.
Logan: You serious?
Nicole: Zoey!
Zoey: I'm serious.
Logan: Good. This Friday?
Zoey: Why not?
Logan: Then, you're on!
Zoey: Good!
Logan: Wanna make out?
Zoey: Ew!

Michael: Plus, we heard you guys got pizza.
Chase: And cake.
Zoey: Oh, so you guys just want pizza.
Chase: And cake!

Logan: Here's some advice: Try to make the balls go in the basket.
Zoey: Here's some for you: Try to make words not come out of your mouth!"

Dana: Can I play?
Zoey: Sorry, we kinda got a full team.
Quinn: Bye!
Zoey: I guess you're in.

Nicole: You're the only girl on our team that can play this game. The rest of us are "suckish"
Quinn: Is suckish a word?

Logan: Hope you girls have learned your lesson!
Coach: I sure have, how would you two girls like to be on the basketball team?

Dustin: Psst, Zoey, psst!
Zoey: Dustin?
Dustin: Good Luck! Sorry but I can't root for you.
Zoey: Why not?
Dustin: Because the guys said if I root for the girls, they'll shave off my eyebrows!"
Zoey: Don't let them scare you!
Dustin: Too late, I'm way past scared, anyway, good luck!

Nicole: (about the urinal) Why is it here?
Zoey: Because this used to be a boy's dorm.
Nicole: Well, it creeps me out.
Zoey: You act like it's the first time you've seen one of these things.
Nicole: Oh, please, I wasn't born yesterday. I know about boy stuff. So how do they sit on it?

Chase: (points to Jim)...and there's the gym.
Zoey: That's the gym?
Chase: Oh, no, that's my buddy, Jim. Hey Jim!
Zoey: 'Sup Jim! I like Jim.
Chase: Jim's good people.

Nicole: You are a wizard with scissors. I'm going to call you the Scissor Wizard!
Zoey: No, you're not
Nicole: Ok

Zoey: You play sports?
Nicole: Is shopping a sport?
Zoey: No.
Nicole: Then no.

New Roomies

Zoey: Stop It. You know what Dana you are a slob, and Nicole it is rude of you to use a stupid hair dryer when people need quiet!

Zoey: Quinn!
Quinn: Yeah?
Zoey: What are you doing?!
Quinn: Monitoring your dreams... I think you might be having a nightmare.
Zoey: I am now!

Zoey: Okay, I'm such a horrible roomate and maybe I should move out!

Michael: Save me!
Chase: From what?
Michael: (Points to Quinn) From her!

Zoey: Maybe sometime you could hang out with me and my roommates!
Quinn: Aren't they the ones always fighting?

Chase: Do girls like fooseball? Because if you don't like fooseball,we could knit or something . . .

Zoey: What? I can't brush my teeth for 5 minutes without you two (Nicole and Dana) trying to bludgeon each other?

Nicole: We have to be at class by 8!
Dana: Yeah, which is why I set my alarm clock for 7:55!!!

Quinn: My name is Quinn and I invent things . . . so I call them Quinnventions!
Zoey: Oh, thats very . . . quinnteresting!

Chase: (About Quinn) She superimposed her name on the word invention?
Zoey: Yeah
Chase: So bascially, she's quinnsane!

Michael: Sup Chase?
Chase: Oh! Hey! (attempts to hide rose he is carrying behind his back)
Michael: Whose the rose for?
Chase: Oh this? Oh, you caught me . . . it's for you.
Michael: Thats nice man, but how about you give it to Zoey instead?
Chase: Thats an idea!!
Chase: Look, don't tell Logan.

Zoey: So you want to see if my food is happy?
Quinn: Happy, sad, angry, frightened...
Chase: I'm frightened!

Zoey:Quinn happens to be the perfect roommate!
Quinn: Zoey, I'm about to iron my underwear. Want me to do yours?
Zoey: I don't iron my underwear...
Quinn: Whatever.
Dana: Yeah, she's a good one!
Zoey: At least we don't fight all the time!
Dana: Neither do we.
Nicole: Yeah, since you moved out, we've been getting along great.
Dana: (puts arm around Nicole) Yeah, best friends!
Zoey: That's good for you. Bye!
Dana: (Zoey leaves) Don't ever touch me again!
Nicole: Slob!
Dana: Jerk!
Nicole: UGHH!!!

Zoey: Sorry. I only get 15. And I gotta live.
Dustin: What about you?
Chase: Sorry kid if I had money I'd lend it to myself, which I don't...So i'm outta luck and so are you!
Dustin: What did he say?
Zoey: No!


Quinn: Logan's such a jerk.
Nicole: A very cute jerk.

Zoey: Why would I spread rumors about myself?
Nicole: To trick us!
Zoey: Nicole!

Chase: Hey, Kazu!
Kazu: You're late!
Chase: I'm 10 minutes early!
Kazu: No back sass!
Chase: Okay... just put the knife down!

Zoey: We'll drive him... to Mexico!
Logan: Did she say Mexico?
Michael: Si!

Zoey: (on cell phone in phony southern accent) Excuse me sir, I'm calling about the mustard you ordered.
Mr. Callahan: Um, I didn't order any mustard.
Zoey: Yes, you did, you ordered nine thousand jars of mustard.
Mr. Callahan: Who could eat that much mustard?
Zoey: That's none of my business! So what time would you like me to drop off the mustard?
Mr. Callahan: But I don't even like mustard!
Zoey: Then, why'd you order so much?
Mr. Callahan: I didn't...

Quinn: (scans bear) That jerk!
Zoey: What?
Quinn: Let's go!

(Nicole, Quinn, and Zoey go back to Zoey's dorm)

Zoey: Well?
Quinn: That bear is broadcasting both audio and visual transmissions via broadband wavelengths to a remote digital receiver!
Nicole: I knew it! What does that mean?
Zoey: In English?
Quinn: There's a webcam in that bear!
Nicole: I knew it! Wait, I still don't know what that means.

Zoey: Did you have anything to do with it?
Chase: Uh, come in?
Zoey: Did you put a camera in the bear?
Chase: Uh, no, I don't think so, seeing as I don't have a camera... or a bear.

Nicole: Hey Quinn, you wanna play confess or stress with us?
Quinn: How do you play?
Zoey: Okay, so you roll the dice...
Quinn: Yeah...
Dana: And if you land on an even number, you have to confess to something really embarassing...
Nicole: And if you roll an odd number, you have to do something stressful.
Quinn: Like eat a poisonous bug?
Zoey: Stressful... not lethal.

Zoey: You're working with Logan now?
Chase: Well, I'm working, he seems to be watching.
Logan: I'm trying to train you, so you can learn to make deliveries on your own.
Zoey: Good. Now that we know you're not delivering anymore, we'll order more often!

Logan: 'Sup ladies!
Zoey: We were just talking about you.
Logan: Can't blame you.

Nicole: (breaks vase over Kazu's head)
Zoey: Lets tie him up! Put him in the closet! Then we'll put him in the trunk of his car and drive him to Mexico!
Logan: Did they just say Mexico?!?!
Zoey:And then we'll blame it all on... Logan!!
Logan: Me? They're gonna blame it all on me!?!?
Michael:Yea! You should go tell Dean Rivers!

Defending Dustin

Chase: You gotta hide Elvis.
Nicole: Who's Elvis?
Chase: Our dog!
Zoey: Doesn't PCA have a rule against pets?
Chase: Yeah, that's why we've been hiding him in our room.
Michael: But our DA smelled a dog!
Chase: DA, short for Dorm Advisor.
Zoey: I know.
Chase: OK...that's short for okay
Zoey: Stop it!
Michael: Well anyway, our DA's getting all suspicious.

Chase: (To Zoey) Everyone gets hurt sometimes. You've never been hurt?
Zoey: No, not by a big, dumb bully.
Chase: Well then maybe its time. Oh yeah, that's right. She's in trouble now, give me your lunch money.
Zoey: Quit it!
Chase: Give me your lunch money or I'll....Oww, did you bite me?
Zoey: Maybe
Chase: Oh its on

Chase: You're fast!
Zoey: Maybe you're just slow.
Chase: Harsh

Janitor: I'll expel you faster then pigtails on a giraffe! Do you understand?!?
Keith: Yeah,except for the giraffe part.

Prank Week

Chase: You know what I'm saying?
Michael: Your mama don't even know what you're saying!

Zoey: Chase, Thank you so much!
Chase: It’s ok, but actually it wasn’t me.
Zoey: Michael?
Michael: Not me.
Zoey: Then who was it?
   (Chase and Michael point to Logan)
Zoey: Logan? Why would you want to keep me at PCA?
Logan: If you weren't around who else would I pick on

Dean Rivers: I'm not going to ask you again who did this
Chase: Technicaly Sir. you just asked again
Dean Rivers: Chase!
Chase: Sorry...

Nicole: (crying) But this is the best school ever! They have a pool, cute boys, a beach across the street, and cute boys!
Zoey: I bet there are cute boys back in your school in Kansas.
Nicole: No they're all dumb and gross.
Zoey: Hey Quinn did you hear the news? This is our last semester here.
Quinn: Can't talk. Plotting revenge.
Nicole: I'm going to miss her freakish ways. (cries again)

Zoey: Aw its a bunny with a PCA shirt on!
Logan: Chase picked it out
Chase: Why do you tell people?

Logan: Do girls know anything?
Dana: I know how to make you cry
Logan: What are you gonna do? kiss me?
Dana: You wish!
Logan: Yeah I do! (laughs)

Jet X

Mr. Savage: Do you know what this is?
Chase: Some kind of scooter?
Mr. Savage: It's a Jet X!

Quinn: Is this recording?
Dana: Uh, I don´t know. You're the geek.
Quinn: True.

Zoey: (on the phone to Chase) Chase, you rock!
Chase: (to Michael) I rock!
Michael: You´re OK.

Nicole: You're just jealous my dad owns a juice company!
Dana: What?!
Zoey: What?!
Nicole: I didn't know what to say!

Zoey: Well tell him money doesn't give him the right to push people around.
Chase: I did.
Zoey: And?
Chase: He gave me 50 dollars to shut up.

Mr. Bender: Okay! shut up. so why are you guys fighting?
Chase: Uh.... Uh.... he said.... he said I have bushy hair!
Mr. Bender: Chase, your hair is incredibly bushy and Michael, the bushiness of Chase's hair is none of your business.

Logan: Or I could give you a ride, maybe we could go to the beach and make out a little.
Zoey: You know, I would, but it's so hard for a girl to kiss a guy while she's puking.
Chase: It's true it happened to me once.

The Play

Nicole: Do you like him?
Zoey: I didn't say that.
Nicole: Yeah, but you didn't not say it.
Zoey: Hey! What?
Chase: I thought you were gonna quit the play! What was that?
Zoey: I don't know. When I saw Logan act I just got...swept up.
Chase: Well, sweep down!
Zoey: Huh?
Chase: I don't know!
Logan: Why do you waste your time with the drama club? Why don't you go out for football or something?
Chase: Because the drama club's loaded with hot girls. And I've seen the football team, they're not hot.
Michael: I don't know. Dave,the quarterback, is a pretty handsome dude.
   (Chase and Logan give him weird looks)
Michael: I've said too much.
   (knocks on Zoey's door)
Dustin: Is Zoey here?
Dana: No
Dustin: But I'm sick, do you know where she --
  (Dana shuts the door in his face)
Michael: Calm down. Let me ask you this, it's your play right?
Chase: Yeah, so?
Michael: So, if it's bothering you so much then change it.
Chase: Change it?
Michael: Write a different ending.
Chase: I can get rid of the kiss! Michael, you, my friend, are a genious in short pants!
Michael: I have my moments.
Mr. Fletcher: Kill? Kill?!
Chase: Yeah, see it's actually supposed to say "Zorka leans in to kill the lifeguard." Not kiss. It was just a complete typo. I'm always mixing up my S's and L's. Like one time I tried to write "sassafras". I wrote "lallafral"!
Nicole: He really is awesome?
Chase: (sarcastically) Yeah, Logan's fantastic, just fantastic. Isn't he fantastic?
Zoey: I don't see why you have to pick on him all the time. Logan's not such a bad guy.
Nicole: Ooh. She's starting to like him.
Dana: Ya'think?
Chase: What?! That's insane! It's insane, right Zoey?
Zoey: Yeah, I mean...
Chase: You mean what?
Zoey: I don't know. Mabye I do like him...
Chase: Ok I got to go.
Zoey: Where are you going?
Chase: To take a bath. What difference does it make?

Quinn's Date

Zoey: My friend, Quinn, thinks you're cute and wants to go out with you. Will ya?
Mark: No.
Zoey: Come on! She's pretty and she's right over there.
Mark: (Looks at Quinn) No.

Quinn: Okay, so what do I do?
Zoey: Just pretend Chase is a guy.
Chase: Uh, thanks.

Quinn: What did he say? Please say he said yes, I would be the happiest person in the world if he said yes, tell me he said yes, please.
Zoey: Ummm...He said YES.

Dana: What's your problem?
Zoey: Remember when I said "Mark said yes" He said NO.
Nicole: NO!!!
Zoey: YES.
Nicole: YES.
Nicole: Yes, wait I'm confused.
Dana: Did he say Yes or No.
Zoey: He said No.
Dana: No, then why did you tell her he said Yes.
Zoey: Because, I panicked.
Dana: You'd better go tell her the truth before she finds out.
Zoey: I can't... it'll break her heart, her weird little heart.

Quinn: Mark, I can't believe you dated me when you already have a girlfriend! I don't care about you any more! Good day, Mark!
Mark: But...
Quinn: I said "Good day"!

Courtney: Mark! You're on a date with HER?
Mark: No! I'm... on a date with Chase!
Chase: Um, it's true. We had a picnic.
Zoey: Champagne and everything, I saw it all.

Quinn:Did you know that female spiders usually eat their offspring?
Quinn: Spiders arnt insects! Theyre arachnids! Did you know that elephant urine smells like licorice?
Chase: Oh my god.
Quinn: Want to see my sixth toe?

Chase: I wonder who invented the meatball
Zoey: How do you mean invented?
Chase: Well some guy back in the fifteenth century must have said "Yes meat is good but it would be even better in ball form"

Zoey: (About Mark)Go talk to him
Quinn: Oh, I dunno I'm not very good at talking to guys
Zoey: It's easy. It's just like talking to girls but you gotta use smaller words

Spring Fling

Chase: No more Grass, I can't take it!!
TV: Coming up next...weeds

Announcer: And now back to "Grass: Nature's Carpet!"
Dana: Okay, why are we watching this?

Dustin: I hate this experiment!
Quinn: I heard that!
Dustin: GOOD!

Nicole: Are you sure people are going to pay money to smash a watermelon with a bat?
Zoey: Of course, boys love to smash things.
Michael: It's true!
Chase: We do enjoy the smashing!

Dana: Tell that to Mr. Bermin when he sees what we've done to his baby.
Nicole: What do you think he'll say?
Zoey: He'll probably start with, give me my four-thousand dollars back!

Dustin: Is it true?
Zoey: What?
Dustin: That you're going to get Drake Bell to perform at Spring Fling?
Dana: Sorry, but Drake's not coming.
Dustin: How come?
Nicole: His manager wants 5000 bucks.
Dustin: So get it
Dana: (sarcastically) Sure, we can just get it from the 5000 dollar store.

Chase: (to Drake) Hey you're Drake Bell!
Drake: Yes, I am.


Michael: (Talking in code) Zoey, the rabbit's in the hole!
Zoey: Huh? What rabbit?

Chase: Massage my shoulders.
Michael: Are you out of your mind?
Chase: Come on, I hurt! Friends don't let other friends hurt.

Chase:(Giving Michael a quiz from a Teen Girl magazine) Your best friend borrows your lipgloss...without asking!
Chase:What do you do? A.Find a new best friend. B.Push her down the stairs,or C....
Zoey:What? It doesn't say that!
Chase:Well I think that'd be an appropriate option!
Michael:I pick B....Down the stairs she goes!

Chase:(about new jukebox) That's Juketastic!
             (5 minutes later)
Michael:(about new jukebox) That's Juketastic!

Disc Golf

Coach: All right. Mr. Matthews you just bought yourself another lap.
Chase: Can I return it?

School Dance

Mr. Bender: (After hearing Zoey's computer IM alarm ring) Read the message.
Zoey: (Reading) Hey, Zo do you think Mr.Bender knows his zipper's down?

Little Beach Party

Dana: You Got A Signal?
Michael: No,only sand in my butt!

Season 2

Back to P.C.A.

Chase: Can you at least turn the sound down!
Logan: Why don't you turn your mouth down!

Michael: Duuuudeees!
Chase: Michael!
Logan: What's up?
Michael: Mah boys!
Logan: So, how was your summer, man?
Chase: Yeah, I've missed seeing your freakish face every day!
Michael: Heh yeah, and I've missed your big bushy hair...Hey did it get bushier?
Chase: It's possible.

Chase: Hey, Zoe! You look great!
Zoey: You too! Hey, did your hair get bushier?

Chase: Good night Michael.
Michael: Sleep tight Chase.
Logan: You guys are the worst.

Time Capsule

Michael: That's you?! (pointing to Mr. Bender as a student in a PCA yearbook from the 80s. In the picture, Mr. Bender has an afro, a mustache, and big glasses) Ha ha ha ha ha! (Mr. Bender gives him a look) You were very handsome.

The Election

Haunted House

Bad Girl

Zoey: But why would Trisha like you?
Chase: Well, I guess she somehow overlooked my terrible personality and hideous face.

Broadcast Views

Logan: (on television) Hello, my name is Logan Reese.
Zoey: I'm Zoey Brooks.
Logan: Today we're gonna talk about some interesting topics. First: Girls in sports. Now, I think it's fine if girls wanna have their own little sports teams but they should not be allowed to play in the guys teams! Zoey?
Zoey: Yeah, you're right...
Logan: Huh?
Zoey: I said you're right!
Logan: Okay... Lets move on to our next topic then... Oh, yeah. Ordering at restaurants. I say girls take way too much time to order food. (with a girly voice) "Uh, I'm a girl. I'll have a chopped salad but I want the lettuce on the side!" Guys are just like "Give me a cheeseburger!" End of story! Zoey?
Zoey: I agree...
Logan: Okay... For our next topic let's talk about... Eating kittens! I feel people should eat more kittens! Eating little kitty cats for breakfast! Do you agree with that Zoey, hmm?

Chase: (in the Chase and Michael show) Would a woman make a better president of the United States than a man?
Logan: Abolutely not!
Zoey: You're an idiot!
Logan: A woman can not be president of the United States!
Zoey: Name one reason!
Logan: Because girls are too emotional! Everytime she gets a pimple she'll cry and start a war with Switzerland!

Girls Will Be Boys

Zoey: Maybe we ought to prove to Chase and Logan that guys can be just guys even when girls are around.
Lola: How are we gonna do that?
Zoey: By being around them when they don't know were around.
Nicole: But if were around them trying to prove it well be around them and were grils so they'll be around girls when were trying t-
Lola: Maybe you should let Zoey talk.
Zoey: I'm saying what if one of us pretends to be a guy.?
Nicole: Ok, 4 problems with that: hair, face, boobs.
Lola: That's 3 problems.
Nicole: 2 boobs.
Zoey: We can get around those problems.
Lola: It would be the ultmate acting roll.

Lola: Hey, can you turn up the music?
Chase: Yeah, sure... Hey, cool boombox!
Lola: Thanks, I just got it.
Chase: (after that he accidentally pushed down the boombox from the roof into the ground) Was it expensive?

Lola: OK. Make me a dude.

Nicole: You really think you can convince Chase and Logan that you’re a guy?
Lola: Easy. Chase is gullible and Logan’s a moron.

Robot Wars

Lola Likes Chase

Spring Break-Up: TV Movie

Chase: I told you, I'm not going to tell you what happened last night. I sent you a text.
Michael: No you didn't.
Chase: Yeah I did. See? (hands Michael TechMate)
Michael: You didn't send it to me...you sent it to Zoey.
Chase: (grabs TechMate) Oh my God!

People Auction

Zoey: Look, we all feel bad enough about the fire!
Coach Keller: Feeling bad doesn't fill my gut with raw fish, does it cupcake?!
Chase: Have you ever considered an anger management class?
Coach Keller: That's it, Matthews. You just got yourself a slice of revenge pie!
Michael: Don't you think you're being a little hard on the boy?
Coach Keller: You too, Sparky! Revenge pie!

Michael: You can not blame yourself for the fire! (Coach Keller comes up)
Coach Keller: I blame you, it's your fault, Matthews!
Chase: Apperently Coach Keller can!

Quinn's Alpaca

Logan: Did Quinn just walk past here with an alpaca?
Zoey: Yea she sure did.
Logan: Weird.

Season 3:


Michael: Did you tell Zoey yet?
Chase: Nope, not yet.
Michael: Man, when you gonna tell her?
Logan: Tell who, what?
Michael: You that you're annoying.

Chase: We aren't even two hours in the new school year and you guys are already about to kill each other!
Logan: No!
Michael: Oh, I'm about to kill him though!

Chase: What's up with all the items?
Zoey: Quinn's gonna be our new roommate for a while.
Chase: Oh, oh! (sees that Quinn is looking at him) Oh! Heh, how nice! For all of you!

Chase: I have run all over this freakish campus with ninety pounds of stuff and I'm about to start coughing up blood!

Dustin: (breaks up the boxing fight) Hey, what are you doing!
Logan: (exhausted) We've been... Boxing... Too See...
Michael: (also exhausted) ... Who gets... The single-bed...
Dustin: Why don't you just flip a coin?

Zoey: In love with me?! Chase?!
Lola: (sarcastic) No, me. Marry me, Zoey. Please be my wife!

Lola: Ginny, come here!
Ginny: What's up?
Lola: 'Blank' is in love with Zoey, fill in the blank.
Ginny: Chase...
Lola: Thanks for playing!

Zoey: Me and Chase are just friends! Fa-riends!
Lola: And you're Fa-Crazy!

  (Chase, Michael, and Logan all fighting over who gets the single bed)
Chase: May I suggest something please?
Michael and Logan: What?
Chase: Look, you guys both want the single bed right? So why don't we just say that whoever gets there first gets the bed, fair enough?
Michael: I guess so.
Chase: Kay good. Now the important thing to remember here is..
  (Chase pushes them to the ground and runs to get the single bed for himself)

Chase: I'm giving you a timeout! Go sit on that rock!
Logan: I'm not going to go sit on the-
Chase: ROCK!

Chase's Girlfriend

Michael: Hey, did you tell Rebecca about the...
Chase: You think you can tell me who I can and can't talk to?
Rebecca: You heard what I said!
Michael: Wow, look at that tree over there (goes away)

Quinn: She threatened you? Oh,that's all I needed to hear! (takes out a laser gun type thing.) I'll be back in ten minutes!
Zoey: No, no, no! Just put that down.
Lola: Okay, what did Rebecca say exactly?
Zoey: I don't know. Something like I better leave Chase alone and stay out of her way!
Lola: That's so nervy!
Zoey: I know! What am I gonna do? (Quinn takes up the lasergun thing) Put it down!

  (Logan shoots and misses the ball in the basket) 
Zoey: You do know that the ball is suposed to go in the basket, right?

Quinn: (about Rebecca) I don't like this girl!
Lola: What's to like?
Zoey: You guys don't even know her.
Quinn: We don't have to know her.
Lola: You're our friend, we can just automatically hate her.

Michael: So talk to me.
Chase: About?
Michael: Come on, man. Last year, a week before summer vacation you sent Zoey a text massage saying you love her and now after the summer you show up at school with a girlfriend. Talk!
Chase: You know when they say that something happens for a reason?
Michael: I've heard they say.
Chase: Well, I think that there's a reason why Zoey didn't get the text massage. I think it was something, I don't know, karma, universe, the lord, the force. Something was trying to tell me that Zoey and I are meant to be really good friends. And that's all.
Michael: You sure on that?
Chase: I mean, look it like this: a guy's gonna have a lot of girlfriends in his life, right? Well, I don't want Zoey to be just another one of those girls that I date for a few months or even a few years and then it's over. I want Zoey to be my best friend for a really long time! You know what I'm saying?
Michael: Y-y-yeah, I know what you are saying... I just thought that I was your best friend... But if I have been replaced by Zoey then...
Chase: Zoey's my best girl best friend. You're still number one, man!
Michael: That's all I wanted to hear! (goes to hug Chase)
Chase: You're such a idiot.
Michael: Thanks, man!

Chase: Rebecca has a big problem with you and me being friends.
Zoey: I know.
Chase: She said... You know?
Zoey: Yeah, she came to my room and told me to stay away from you.
Chase: She sorta said the same think to me today.
Zoey: Did you explain to her that we're just friends?
Chase: Yeah.
Zoey: And she said?
Chase: That if I wanted her to be my girlfriend I can't... Hang out with you anymore and talk to you.
Zoey: Okay, I get it. Look, the most important thing to me is that you're happy.
Chase: Me too so... I dumped her!
   (Zoey throws a grape at Chase)
Chase: What was that for?
Zoey: For making me think you weren't going to be my friend any more.
Chase: I said I dumped her didn't I?

Michael: So Zoey just walked right in?
Chase: Right in.
Michael: She should have knocked first.
Chase: Yeah, that would have been nice.
Michael: And you're sure Zoey saw you and Rebecca kiss?..
  (Cuts scene to the girls)
Zoey: Oh, yeah. They were kissing.
Lola: Are you a thousand percent sure they were kissing?
Zoey: Either that or Chase was trying to suck the teeth out of her mouth...
   (Cuts scene back to the boys)
Michael: So you just stopped kissing, looked up and there was Zoey standing right there in the doorway?
Chase: Yep...
Michael: Harsh!
Chase: Yeah, it wasn't the most comfortable moment of my life.
Logan: So what did you say?..
   (Cuts scene to the girls)
Zoey: He said 'This is Rebecca, my girlfriend'.
Lola: You sure he said girlfriend?
Quinn: Maybe you misunderstood. Maybe he said... 'grillfriend'?
Zoey: Grillfriend?
Quinn: Yeah, you know maybe they just cook things together... Outdoors...

Hot Dean

Coco: You're guys... Am I... Am I unappealing?! Would you show up at my house on Valentines Day with a pretzel from a gas station!?
Chase: We're just teenagers!
Michael: And I don't even like pretzels...
Logan: You're just an mess!

Carl: Coco!
Coco: Carl?
Carl: What are you doing with another man!
Coco: You dumped me!
Carl: And that gives you the right to date other men?!
Coco: Yeah, kinda!
Logan: Wow, this is great!

Chase: I just don't understand why they call it "a pair of pants".
Logan: Why not?
Chase: Because a pair means two like: a pair of shoes or a pair of gloves. Two shoes, two gloves. Why pair of pants?
Michael: Because man, you would sound stupid if you were like "Hey, man. I love my new pant. You like my new pant? Check out my new pant!"

Dustin: Oh man! Hey Quinn you think you could fix our model aeroplane?
Quinn: I could fix a real aeroplane!

   (Crying and screaming is heard) 
Zoey: What is that?
   (Zoey, Lola, and Quinn find Coco on the ground crying next to her cell phone) 
Quinn: Why is our dorm adviser rolling on the ground?
Lola: Coco! Are you okay?
Coco: Do I look okay? I'm a woman on the concrete.
Zoey: Did Carl break up with you again? (Coco continues sobbing and screaming)
Lola: I think Carl broke up with her again.
Quinn: Come on, let's get her up. (Zoey, Lola, and Quinn try to pick up Coco.)
Coco: No, no! Just leave me here to die. (Zoey and Quinn pick her up and drag her away.)
Coco: My cell phone! (Lola gets the cell phone.)

Coco: I can't believe he dumped me over the phone!
Zoey: But, he always dumps you over the phone.
Lola: Yeah, like every three weeks! (Coco continues crying, blows her nose, and looks in the tissue)
Coco: Oh, God! What is that?
Quinn: We're really sorry.
Zoey: But we gotta go start our homework.
Coco: I just don't understand guys. First they tell you that they love you. Then they tell you that you're too clingy and needy and man I'm hungry. I mean, I know I can be moody and bloated and judgmental and I may not bathe as much as other girls, but I'm fun to be with, right? RIGHT!? (Coco keeps sobbing.)
Coco: Oh man, there's a hair on my honeydew. (picks up honeydew, removes hair, and puts honeydew in her mouth) (Zoey drops her food that she was about to eat in disgust.)

  (Phone rings)
Coco: Ooh, maybe it's Carl. Oh gross its my mother. (answers phone) What!? No mom, he hasn't called. That's right mom, I'm gonna grow old and die alone.
Chase: Wow, you have a horrible dorm adviser.

Zoey's Tutor

Chase: I have to say it, I'm a little bit embarrassed for you.
Michael: This is a sports related injury! That makes me cool!
Chase: Dude, tripping over a basketball on the way to the bathroom is not cool... (sees Quinn and Lola) Oh, hey, Quinn and Lola. What's up females?
Quinn: Oh, hey!
Chase: What have you guys been doing?
Lola: I've been watching Quinn's research rat for the past three hours!
Quinn: Yeah well, you'll change your tone when I catch that rat and lock him away for ever.
Michael: Uh, what rat?
Lola: What happened to your foot?
Michael: Oh, it's a sports related injury.
Chase: He tripped over a basketball on his way to pee.
Michael:Why do you tell people?!?! Why don't you just but it on the news! Hey! Where's Jerimiah?? Chase has a breaking story!

Zoey: Can I say something?
Chase: Sure,
Zoey: (stands up and shouts out) I hate chemistry! Hate it! I just wanna make that clear.
Chase: Have a french fry, it'll calm you right down.
Zoey: No thanks, I'm already full. And what happened to all your talking about eating healthier food?
Chase: What? The french fry, made by the potato - a vegetable! Dipped in ketchup, made from the tomato - also a vegetable!

Zoey: Let’s shake on it.
Logan: Or we could kiss on it? (Zoey slaps him) We'll shake on it.

Chemistry teacher: Oh, Zoey, you're good friends with Chase... Is his hair naturally that way or is it a perm?
Zoey: Uhh.. It's natural.

Chase: She's not dating Logan, okay? I've known her since the first day she came here to PCA and I know she'd never date a jerk like Logan!
Lola: He's one of your best friends!!
Chase: Which is how I know he's a jerk!

Quinn: I thought Chase was over Zoey!
Lola: So did I.
Chase: What do you mean? There was no two year crush on Zoey! Right Michael?
Michael: (sarcastic) Yes, there was no crush, you silly people.

Lola:(to Chase about Zoey and Logan) Why do you care so much about this?
Chase: Because I'm a caring person, see?!?! (makes caring face)

Zoey: Logan?! (about being her tutor)
Logan: Like I'm thrilled about this. (being Zoey's tutor)
Zoey: (to her chemistry teacher) Logan doesn't know anything about chemistry! Logan doesn't know anything about anything!

Zoey: (talking about Logan) He's really good at it!
Chase: Oh God!
Zoey: What? I've really learned a lot from him.
Chase: OH!

Chase:Lets consider the other! Possiblities!

Michael:Am I the ONLY normal person here? (pulls out flute and starts playing)

Chemistry Teacher:(talking to Chase) Is your hair natural?
Chase:(touches hair) Uh... yeah
Chemistry Teacher: I don't believe it.

The Great Vince Blake

Zoey: I can't believe the three of you took on the whole football team!
Logan: Four of us...
Michael: Yeah, Del Figgalo helped.
Quinn: (yelling) Mark! My Mark!

Chase: You wanna beat me up? Then do it. It's not gonna change things.
Football player: It'll change your face!
Chase: Touché.

Chase: They hit....
Micheal: and punched....
Logan: and kicked
Chase: It was a medley of pain

Silver Hammer Society

Mark: I've been looking for you
Quinn: Yeah, I know. You're breaking up with me.
Mark: I am?

Logan: Chase, if you want to be a member you have to pay attention.
Chase: I don't want to be a member.
Logan: Then why are you here.
Chase: I... Live here...

Logan: (gives a gift to a "Silver Hammer") This is just to let you know, I'm interested.
Silver Hammer: Thanks but, I'm seeing someone.
Logan: But, wait, wait, wait.... I didn't mean...

Michael Loves Lisa

Quinn: If you need to speed up,just hit the red button.
Chase: But I'm scared of the red button.
Quinn: Stop being a baby. (starts up the go-kart)
Chase: Oh dear God.


All Three Boys: Hi!

Dance Contest

Favor Chain

Stacey: Oh his arms! (swoons)
Chase: Go and drink your glove!

Zoey's Ribs

Chase:(picks Coco's laundry) Uh...Coco? You forgot your pillowcase.
Coco: That's my underwear. (takes laundry and walks away)
Chase:(looks at hand in horror) Well...Now I have to go boil my hand....

Chase: Aww...Now that's nice.
Michael: What's nice?
Zoey: Seeing You two cooperate.
Logan: Well,ribs do bring people together.

Drippin' Episode

Michael: Are you feelin'-flumpy?

Dean Rivers: (after the fire alarm has gone off) All right, all right, the good news is there's no fire.Wait, wait. The bad news, one of you obviously pulled the fire alarm for no reason. Would the person who did it like to confess? (nobody talks) I didn't think so. All right, let me be clear. Pulling a fire alarm is not funny. (laughter is heard) It's a serious offense. If it happens again, and I don't find out who it is, I'm giving this entire dorm detention. (the boys start complaining) Now go back to bed.
Logan: OK, whoever pulled the alarm, if you do it again, you're getting your butt kicked.
Michael: OK, a fake fire alarm is not drippin'. (all of the boys look at Michael)
Chase: Saying drippin is not drippin.
Michael: You can't use the term against itself.

Dean Rivers: (after the fire alarm has gone off for the second night) All right, I told you what would happen if someone pulled that fire alarm again. All of you, a detention this Saturday. (all of the boys groan)

Michael: (muttering)You can't diss my word...I need some frech fries...

Lola:(hugging Zoey,Dustin,and Quinn) Aww! You can take a digital picture of my bra and show it to your friends if you want to! (Zoey and Quinn look at eich other disgustingly)

Son Of A Dean

Lola: (to Zoey) On a first date, a guy and a girl are just checking each other out.
Quinn: The second dates are like a compatibility test. To see whether you guys get along.
Lola: Third date is a real turning point.
Quinn: Whether to see if your gilfriend material.
Lola: Or the dreaded "just friends".

Chase: Okay, you are the worst roommate ever!
Logan: But I, am goooood-looking.

Logan: All right! You want an idea? How about... your characters are bowling pins and you're terrified of being hit by the bowling ball. How's that?
Michael: That could be really funny. How did you think of that?
Logan: I'm good at everything.

Goodbye Zoey?

Zoey: What are you guys doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Mom, what did you do to your hair? Why aren't you answering my questions?
Mr. Brooks: 'Cause you're not taking any pauses.
Zoey: Why are you here?
Mrs. Brooks: Well, we have a little news.
Zoey: Are you having a baby mom?
Mrs. Brooks: No.
Mr. Brooks: No babies. No babies, right?
Mrs. Brooks: No. No.

Logan: So you're saying it's just a coincidence that Gretchen looks exactly like Zoey?
Chase: I don't even see a resemblance.
Michael: Everybody thinks they look alike!

Logan: And that's the only reason you're hanging out with her! She's your little Zoey replacement, and that's a little bit sick.
Michael (to Logan): Uh, subtle.
Logan: He needs to hear this.

Chase: I don't need to hear anything from you guys right now. (As Zoey reads the magazine, a small beep from her computer alerts her that she has a webcam connection, and she begins to watch the conversation.) If you cared about me, you wouldn't judge my friends!
Michael: So, you don't think it's weird that right after she leaves PCA you make friends with some bizarr-o girl that just happens to look exactly like Zoey?
Chase: Gretchen is a lot of fun.
Logan: Ha! Yeah, like the way she spits and picks her nose?
Michael: And don't forget the fun way she pops her pimples at lunch!
Chase: Unlock the door.
Logan: We'll unlock the door when you admit that you miss Zoey.
Chase: Well, then we better order some pizzas and a toilet, cause we're gonna be in here for a while.
Logan: Why is it so hard for you to just admit it's killing you that Zoey's gone?
Chase: It's hard to admit something that's not true! (Zoey looks upset)

   (Logan locks the door with a padlock with Chase and Michael inside) 
Chase: I saw this in a prison movie.

Chase: You're right... Everything you guys said is true.
Michael: We know you miss Zoey, man.
Chase: I don't just miss her... I'm in love with her. I've been in love with Zoey ever since I met her.When she got out of her dad's car, and I saw her standing there, and I rode my bike into that stupid flagpole (Zoey softly smiles) I was in love with Zoey before I hit the ground, and I don't think that feelings ever gonna go away. (Zoey looks surprised)

Zoey: Where's Chase?

Season Five

Trading Places

Chase: Colin, don't call me a nit! (edit)

Zoey: OH MY GOD he went to England
Lola: This is so tragic
Quinn: It's kind of sweet
Zoey: TRAGIC! (edit)

Chase: Zoey transfered back to PCA!
Zoey:: Chase moved to England! (edit)
Chase: Michael! Zoey left England. She went back to --
Zoey: Hey.
Chase: Zoey. (smiles) So...you're back at PCA.
Zoey: Yeah. And you're in England...at Covington?
Chase: Uh...yep.
Zoey: Why'd you go there?
Chase: Cause you wouldn't go there! To PCA! Or...I thought you wouldn't...which clearly you did. (pauses) Why...did you?
Zoey : I missed you.
Chase : I missed you too.
Zoey: And...I, uh...kind of heard something.
Chase: What do you mean?
Zoey: Well...a few weeks ago, when I was there, and you were here...
Chase: Yeah?
Zoey: I guess you, or Michael or Logan, left your video chat on...
,hr widtgh Chase: Okay...
Zoey: And I heard you say something.
Chase: Uh...could you be more specific?
Zoey: (sighs) I heard you say you're in love with me.
Chase : Oh. That's uh...pretty specific. Could you hold on a sec?
Zoey: sure
Chase: (turns off computer) OH MY GOD!!!! (turns computer back on)

Chase: I love you Zoey.
Zoey: Now was that so hard to say to my face?
Chase: It was easy.
Zoey: Good. I love you too.

Michael: What is wrong with you people?!
Lola: You said we should try!
Michael: Not to kill me!

Lola: You're supposed to be stalling Zoey!
Mark: I did as long as I could, but I ran out of stuff to say.
Quinn: So what happened?!
Mark: .... I pushed her .... Into a bush.

Fake Room Mate

Zoey: Hey guys,will you sign this petition to bring Coco back?

(Girls laugh)

Mira: Well it's really cool to meet you guys. If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)
Zoey, Lola, Quinn, and Stacey: Bye.
Lola: Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.
Quinn: Who dresses cool.
Lola: And doesn't smell like bugs and ravioli.
Zoey: Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her back?
Quinn: Why not? Most people trash her right to her face.
Zoey: Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.
Lola: It wasn't your fault.
Stacey: Anyways, Coco already got another job.
Zoey: She did?
Lola: Really?
Quinn: Already?
Stacey: Yeah, she's working at Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.
Lola: See, I bet a server there makes a ton more money than a school dorm advisor.
Zoey: Good that makes me feel a little better.
Stacey: Um, Coco isn't working there as a server.
Zoey: Then what's she doing there? (scene changes to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)
Coco: (to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her) Steak!

            (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you doing here?

Zoey: Well Stacey told me you got a job and I just wanted to come by and say "hey."
Coco: Hey. (older woman walks in and goes into the stall)
Zoey: Look, I'm so sorry about what happened.
Coco: I'm not. This job is fantastic.
Zoey: Yeah?
Coco: Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's really great, um, sometimes they let me-
Old Woman: (from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?
Coco: Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall and turns to Zoey)

Alone at PCA

Chasing Zoey

Quinn: Ok, what do you think? Am I prom ready?
Lola: Yeah... but don't you think that dress is a little too sexy for your date... Dustin?
Quinn: Dustin's... very mature for his age.
Lola: (sarcastically) Yeah, I hear his bedtime got moved up to 8:15.

Quinn': Why couldn't you have broken up with James after the prom?
Lola': Why did you break up with him at all?
Quinn: James is awesome.
Zoey: I know James is awesome and I know you think I was stupid to break up with him, and maybe you're right, but I did it and now it's done. ( Notices the shoes in Quinn's hand that her roomates want her to wear to the prom) Oh my god those shoes are cute!

Stacey: Logie, come on!
Logan: I'M COMING!!

Logan: Let's go, Dilson.
Stacey: Sure thing.... Reese.

Lola: Just because you broke up with James doesn't mean you have to be the only person at PCA who's not gonna be there.
Quinn: Lots of people are going dateless.
Lola: Yeah! Firewire, and uh... Firewire!
Quinn: That weird Swedish kid that smells like meat!

      (After falling off the building rooftop ledge)

Chase: I'm alright, I'm okay. I just lost my baaaalance! CONCRETE!

     (After Logan and Quinn declared their love for each other in public)

Dustin: You used me?!

Mark: He made me drive his stick-shift!
Michael: Aw, he graped when he shoulda tuna-ed!

Michael: I know! (Turns around to face Chase) Chase, she talks perfectly now! (Double takes) CHASE!

Lola: So what do we do now?
Vince: Follow the nerds!

Lola: Did we miss anything good?
Michael: Naaah, you didn't miss much.
Chase: Nothing important.
Lola: Oh, good, 'coz.... CHASE!
Chase: Give me some love!
'Michael: Let me give you some love!

External links

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